March of the Tiger

Running Woman...

2009-03-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to start running...

Maybe jogging...

Ok so for me...fast walking.

In all seriousness, I went and bought myself a pair of running shoes. My first real pair of shoes made for running.

Saucony's in fact. What a fancy name...wish I knew how to say it.

At any rate, I intend to start an indoor program tomorrow at the gym. There is this thing I found on the interwebs (God(dess) Bless the Google) that outlines a running program for beginners. So I'll start with that.

Once the ice/sand/water/snow crap-medley is gone, I'll be running with Todd outdoors.

I plan to weight train as well in tandem with this running gig. So we'll see how this all shakes out.

So slightly excited/terrifed/freaked out and like I'm going to barf.....I suppose thats a normal feeling when trying something new right??

I have a few friends up here that are runners and two are training for a marathon...ugh...yeah I'll never have that kind of mental insanity but I do admire their drive. My good friend Emily is a runner too. So with all these runners around me, I guess I have a buncha experts to help me out eh?

Any way, so thats my newest thing. I plan to run 3 times a week at first, and do weights at least once a week to start out.

I'm finding as I age and find out more and more about health, fitness and sickness that I dont do a very good job of taking care of myself physically. Mentally I think I shake out ok (well minus the anger issues I have against certain family members, but I'm working those out too)....but physically I could use some work. So I guess this is a start in a new direction. I found that when I joined the gym back in August that I felt better despite not seeing direct results on the scale. I've been slacking hard core for the last few months so its time to get back at it.

At any rate, I have really really pretty Saucony shoes.

Running shoes for a running woman...

Closet Rocker...

2009-02-28T10:47:00.001-08:00

Your 80s Song is "Sweet Child O' Mine"

If you were transported back to the 80s, your life would be all about rock and roll.
You love the free wheeling, wild atmosphere of the 80s - even if there were consequences later on.

You think of the 80s as a time of partying hard and letting loose.
Even if you find a lot of the 80s nostalgia to be a bit lame, you truly believe there was no better decade.

What's" Your 80s Karaoke Song?

The hunt is on...

2009-02-25T19:16:00.001-08:00

Again.

So I'm 4 weeks from my contract at work ending and I have no idea if I'll have a job at the end of it or not.

Which is only slightly nerve-wracking.

Ok maybe a lot.

But really I cant dwell on it too much or I'll drive myself batshit crazy. I just have to go to work everyday and pretend that it isnt going to end in 4 weeks. Continue to do my job as if I'll be there forever.

So I'm quietly looking for another job in the meantime.

Just in case...ya know, it cant hurt. If I get called for an interview between now and then, I may either have a decision to make or an offer...or none of the above and its back to the soup kitchen for me.

Ok not really...we wont be eating soup.

Rice and beans??

More likely than soup.

The other contract that was hired after me...the one I dont get along with....said that she "put it out there in the universe" that she wanted a job and that her "age" she was ready for permanency. As if being older somehow entitles her to a permanent job.

As if being 27 and ready for children isnt reason enough for permanency.

Fuck her.

If I havent made it clear enough to the universe that I've worked my ass off for 13 years so I could have a decent job and make a decent living, then I'm not sure what the hell else I'm supposed to do to make it clear.

I put it out there in the universe in February when I applied for the permanent job at the agency. And that didnt get me very far.

I'm starting to think that either I dont have enough faith in the universe or I've been way too patient for the universe to start going in my direction.

Actually I dont put faith in the universe because I dont believe it works that way. Yeah yeah, think as fucking positive as you want but the honest truth is that if you dont work very goddamn hard then you shouldnt get rewarded no matter how much you think you should or all those so-called positive thoughts you may put out there.

So instead of putting faith into the universe, I put faith in myself.

That my hard work, accomplishments, set-backs, sweat and tears will eventually pay off.

Perhaps it wont be on my timeline (by August 2009 thanks, just in case the universe is reading) or be the perfect job right away (psych associate on the forensic unit at the hospital), but I can live with that.

Honestly I can and I have.

Because I do have enough faith to know and believe in myself.

And enough faith to know that no matter how long it takes to get there...

I will get there on my own accord.

2 Minutes...

2009-02-18T19:17:00.001-08:00

Its Thursday...almost Friday...which means its probably a good day. Getting up this morning was good and I was well rested and ready for my day. I figured it would be a good day.

And yet I got to work today, was there 2 minutes and barely got myself checked in on the in/out board, when I met with my first ridiculous co-worker encounter of the day.

Its a co-worker I dont like at all...one of those "therapists." See previous post.

So after I had been condescended to and basically told how to do my job, I forcibly placed a smile on my face and did NOT tell her to kiss my ass.

But oh it was tempting...

Surrounded by Neuroticism

2009-02-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

So I'm a therapist by trade. Which means that I spend most of the day shaking my head, bored out of ever loving mind, and wondering how the hell I can possibly help these people when I dont practice what I preach and can barely take care of myself.

At least that is the stereotype that non-therapists hold about therapists.

I do spend much of the day shaking my head...but not at clients unless they do something really friggin bizarre.

But the mentally ill and addicted do really bizarre things all the time so most of the time its nothing really out of the ordinary.

But it does catch one's attention when its really "special." Like they made an effort to really display how fucked up they are in the head.

No we actually spend most of the time shaking our heads at the system....the system that bogs us down with paperwork, guidelines and laws....the same system of course that we are also entwined into and get paid by eventually. What the system doesn't quite understand is that having my client's file well put together and the paperwork well maintained is that it doesn't usually solve their incredible craving for Percs and booze, or their inability to handle their depression and sexual thoughts.

As for the whole bored thing?

Never. Its literally quite impossible with all of the crap I absorb everyday.

What about the whole practing what I preach/walking the talk bullshit??

Totally fucking TRUE...

Some of the time...

But this is my calling and I accept it. Calling...yeah right.

I have this calling due to my 100k debt from getting myself educated enough so I can shake my head at people, be bored at my job and preach but not walk.

More like a calling from my fucking monthly bank statement...

Fuck. That. Shit.

There are a couple of interesting things about therapists. One is they never "turn off" the fucking therapist.

All damn day even when their on lunch and off the clock, they are "on."

Sitting in the breakroom, when everybody is enjoying their Lean Cuisines and moldy oranges and decaffinated water, they're analyzing...pondering...questioning...commenting. On everybody else's comments, jokes, life stories and what their ingesting that day.

They look at every little comment, nuance, joke, cuss word, fart, sideways look and message in their raspberry flavored green tea leaves and see that somehow, somewhere in that nuance or fart that there is a "problem."

A problem that has to be fixed.

I actually think most people are pretty healthy. Most people have a good family, support system, friends, a job they like, enough money for their wants and needs, enough leisure time...etc etc etc. Most people got their shit figured out.

Of course therapists...they never look at their own problems. Oh no no no..that just wouldnt do.

Unless of course they are those wicked even smaaater therapists that have "done their own work."

Fuck. That. Shit.

Or they think they are immune to the problems their clients are experiencing in their life because they have "all the tools," "all the info," "all the brains."

More like shit for brains...

Worse yet, aside from therapizing their own co-workers when they're trying to enjoy their lunch, they go home and therapize their partners/kids/parents/family dog/neighbor's cat.

Like hellooo.....doing therapy in any capacity with someone you know is against ethical standards...uhhh dual relationship anybody???

So I propose a guidebook...something for therapists...oh how about a code? Thats a pretty word...a code that talks about how one should conduct themselves in a normal social setting that covers the following:

Thou shalt not therapize your co-workers when off the clock...or hell EVER...shut the hell up and mind your own damn business.

Thou shalt not interject your therapeutic analysis into every possible thing. Sometimes shit isnt always that deep.

Thou shalt not speak in therapy terms more than 75% of the time when at work...the other 25% is when you arent interacting with clients or your boss so fucking let loose for once.

Thou shalt not analyze the dog's farts.

Thou shalt not therapize any member of your family, immediate social circle or distance social circle. You may only do therapy with clients. And if you know the poor bastard, because christ-almighty they are really fucked up if they know you on a personal level, do the ethical thing and get them re-assigned.

See the thing is...we all have issues right? I have no doubt that issues exist within the human race and myself. However issues dont necessarily mean "problems." Maybe you crack jokes about your hubby, maybe you have an uncle you dont like very much. Perhaps your mother is overbearing or you think your ass could easily support a platter of assorted cookies. Maybe you have a semi-monthly argument about the recycleing with your husband.

Whatever...the point is, it doesnt mean you have some underlying deep issue going back to your childhood when you didnt learn to wipe your ass properly.

So when I crack a joke...its because I like jokes. And when I make a smart-ass comment...its because I really am a smart ass.

If I ever assume that every person who has issues automatically has "problems..."

I'll probably kick my own ass...

By the way...I think I have the title to my first book...

Neglectful Blogger...

2009-02-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

I'm lame.

That is all I have to say about that.

Hmmm lets see...I've been thinking about shutting this blog down. I barely update it.

Then I read back on the archives and am slightly amused at my musings.

So maybe I'll keep it up longer.

Life is busy, thus the lack of blogging content...not because I have nothing to write about, just no time to write.

DH and I are house hunting. We hope to have something by the end of the year. Its pretty much the most ridiculously detailed major purchase we'll ever make and its slightly overwhelming some days and underwhelming other days.

Can you be just whelmed??

I'm navigating baby fever. We'll see how much I write about THAT juicy little tidbit.

NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!

LOL

Canada is the same...nothing new, just falling down the economy rabbit hole like the States.

I'm working full time now and really hope I can stay beyond March. I really enjoy my work, but its hard not to have the savior complex when people's lives are actually on the line everyday.

I miss everybody, hope I can see some friends this year :)

Will try to get more vigilant about this blogging business. For now, enjoy Pink's video...normally I dont care for her, but I dig some of her stuff...this song is one of my favorites.

Ta-ta for now! :)

Colin Powell

2008-10-19T10:41:00.001-07:00

Colin Powell is a well respected American General and member of the Republican Party. He was Secretary of State, a Cabinet level position, under GW. Bush and Chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the highest ranking military officer of all US Forces. under GHW Bush. Today on Meet the Press, a non-partisan political news show on NBC, he spoke very candidly and intelligently about the two men running for President. Please watch, its very informative.

Why This Election Matters...

2008-09-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

Example 1

So we dont have 8 more years of buffoonery in the highest leaders of our country.

Of course, rank and file Repubs dont care...they'll vote for the party, regardless of how dangerous it is for the nation. Rank and file Repubs dont even understand that their party is a mere skeleton of what it is supposed to be and if you arent scared about this woman and a 72 year old man who isnt even the same honorable guy he thinks he is, then you havent been paying attention.

I have tons of time on my hands....

2008-09-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

And nothing interesting to write about. Strange... like the cat on the left...Love him!! Just want to squeeze his little cheeks!!

Anyway, due to a request from Emmiloni I am writing an update...witicisms, life in Canada, joblessness and awesomeness, and general hilarity will follow. Pictures to help narrate, of course!
Since the May update, I have acquired residency. We took a trip home to the US that started in Toronto when my dear husband bought me tickets to see Dave Matthews Band for my birthday. Though he was awesome and Dave was awesome, I missed my girls terribly. It just wasnt the same without you guys, though Todd was a suitable replacement and now a pseudo-fan and doesnt mind if I play Drive In, Drive Out over and over and over.

Speaking of Dave...RIP Leroi. I'm happy I got to see him in one of his final shows. The band wont be same without you and when I hear Grey Street or the Stone, I just cry a little inside.

Anyway after the concert we drove from Toronto to North Dakota in a day and a half. We drove across Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota and North Dakota in 24 hours. Michigan was ok, at least the mainland as it is populated better than the UP. Indiana (well at least Gary Indiana) I am convinced is the armpit of America. God what a shitty town. So shitty in fact that the water sanitation department (aka, place to remove shit from your drinking water) had the "Welcome to Gary" sign plastered on it as we drove by. Quite fitting I must say.

Chicago was awesome, but we drove right through it of course. Then we ended up in Eau Claire Wisconsin at 1am after driving through 3 hours of rain and thunderstorms ending our 14 hour first day. My god the Super 8 never felt so good...it wasnt the most aesthetically pleasing hotel I've ever slumbered in but at that hour after that long of a drive, it didnt matter. By the way, we totally drove through Wisconsin without stopping for cheese...what the hell is the matter with us???

The next morning was an 8 hour drive through Minnesota and North Dakota to end up in Minot. The things I do for my extended family. We were in Fargo, less than a mile from my parents house and we kept right on going for another 4 hours. Holy christ....

Anyway it was worth it. I got to see my grandparents, my aunts and uncles and my cousins. We had a good time and some funny stories to tell. Then we drove back to Fargo and spent the week there.

The drive back was uneventful. I insisted on stopping at a Taco John's in Ashland Wisconsin for potato ole's. There are no Taco John's in Canada and my husband had his first potato ole dunked in nacho cheesy goodness. It was no easy feat...we had to traverse a mile of construction detours to get to the TJ's but it was worth it. Well until we got to Michigan when I started feeling ill from the grease.

Michigan in the UP sucks. Lets be honest...Marquette is the only thing going for that part of the State. The US should have just let Canada have that piece of land, its totally worthless. There is a 40km straight road between Marquette and Sault Ste Marie with NOTHING there. Not a hotel, a gas station, an adult video store....trees, trees, and more trees with Lake Superior buried behind them somewhere.

Immigration ended on a high note with me getting residency and not getting stripped searched at the border. I was so hoping for a cavity search but they didnt even open the van to check out my stuff which was piled high to the top. In all, it took 40 minutes at the border to close 8 months of stagnancy and bureaucratic bullshit that took over my life.

Canada Day was awesome. My first Canada Day as a resident. After the trip to the States, we went to Ottawa for a week. Ottawa is a great city. Way better than Toronto and I would totally live in Ottawa. We ate good for a week and got fat...Portugese, Latin (mmm empanadas, how I love thee), Italian, Irish....ugh...fantastic. Not only is the food fantastic, its a really clean city. I suppose if the capital of your country looked like Gary Indiana it wouldnt be such a great place, right?

We spent a lot of time at the lake cabin this summer. Too much but thats another post. I have a tan...well sort of, as tan as I'll ever get.

Then we went to Montreal. Correction, we went to a suburb of Montreal. God they get me all hyped for a new city, a fabulous city in fact, and then I see the goddamned suburbs. Ugh!! My husband owes me big time. The highlight was I got to see Quebec where there is no English on the signs and everybody speaks French first. Of course they'll talk English when you answer their "Bonjour" with "Hi." But they look at you as though you farted in the store. And I know enough French to get started in a conversation but not enough to stay committed.

Which is why we are going to Montreal in November for a hockey game. My first Canadiens hockey game at the Bell Centre. I'm super excited! By then I'll have taken a French Second Language course so I'll be able to get almost committed to a conversation....I might fart in the stores just to get the look anyway.

Still not working. Freaking awesome. Not only am I not working, I'm not getting interviews for jobs I've applied for. Doubly freaking awesome. Does wonders on the self-esteem and mental health. I did just get one interview scheduled for Thursday at a local college for a teaching position. Not my ideal but beggars cant be choosers...though they can become meth addicted hookers which is the road I am headed upon if I dont get a job soon.

We've been married just short of a year and that is really the best part of our life right now, despite all my kvetching about everything else. We are happy and we make each other laugh everyday. He's easy on the eyes too and he treats me like a queen. Things havent been easy...in fact I think the 8 month mark we disliked each other a lot for awhile. But its a bump and we're over it. Never lasts long around here. We are headed to Niagara Falls for anniversary. I think it'll be fun and beautiful with the fall colors. I'll post pictures of course.

Canada is good too. I get healthcare next week...wooo! Hmm what else? Still not sold on the bagged milk...I think it tastes funny...and the grocery stores finally introduced Count Chocula last week. Praise Baby Jesus, indeed!!

I've been following the American political season like crazy, deciding who I will vote for. I get to send in one of those nifty absentee ballots. Let me just say, now that I'm on the outside looking in and getting broader coverage with an international spin is that most Americans are stupid when it comes to politics and I am truly scared as to what this election will bring if we dont have an educated vote. Get educated on real issues people!! The economy is in the toilet, the rest of the world is laughing at us, our no left behind children are mind-numbingly stupid, and our men and women are coming back from a war that is disintegrating their sanity one day at a time. I swear to God if someone cries out sexist the next time an incompetent woman isnt given enough 'deference,' and questioned on her lack of sound policies, I'm gonna scream!!

By the way...

Rihanna is hot. Last year I was hot for Shakira...this year its Rihanna. In fact, lets just have both at the same time.

Yes please....

I'm such a sexist.

This one is for you Em...

2008-09-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

I promise to update soon....lol....

Losing my brains....

2008-05-15T17:21:00.001-07:00

I think its bound to happen...the longer I'm unemployed, the more likely I'm going to lose my brains...my education, my 100k education thankyouverymuch.

I fear if I do actually get an interview, I'll get questioned about the standard explanation of paranoid schizophrenia from the DSM and I'll sit there and stare at them with this deeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr look on my face.....and not know how to do it. Even more fun is if they ask me what therapy I would use on meth addicted prostitutes...yep, thanks, I'll pass this one....

Then they'll look at me like why do you feel youre qualified to assess and therapize our patients, roll their eyes and tell me to get the hell out of their office.

Yep...I'm awesome.

No seriously, I HATE being umemployed against my will. It would be one thing if I was able to work, but I cant without a work permit. Employers up here dont know how to do that, so they wont hire me. I have applied for a few positions for shits and giggles, not really expecting anything to come of it.

So what have I been doing with my time? Not reading my textbooks obviously, since their still back in NoDak packed away. Reading a lot of other books...you need a book recommendation I can give you one, I've read at least 100 books since November. I try to read relevant books like my latest "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs. He write about his alcoholism and sobriety...so I can sit there and feel like I'm smart when I nod my head up and down vigorously as if I could therapize him and his problems. Yeah right. I also bought a book on female serial killers...and I'm trying to slog through a book on the Mob, but thats taking awhile.

Lets see...my SIMS have been drowned, promoted, re-produced, famous, bred puppies and kitties and crafty with their magic. My husband recently reformmated my computer so they have now been laid to rest permanently...well until my brother in law borrows me his SIMS 2 game.

I need a new hobby.

Its finally warming up here, which means Todd and I have been out biking and trying to get active again. I have a shitty knee which limits me in many ways. I'm trying to work around it.

Our town has a big lake and because of the big lake we have spiders. Lots of them. At least one at every window of our apartment. I hate spiders. And they arent little spiders, they're big spiders. I am watching one now, dangle from the roof, weaving his web. Its disgusting.

I'm obsessed with babies lately too. As if we could even start a family right now but its there anyway.

I'm bitter lately and its not healthy. I'm bored and tired and sick of sitting around useless. I really hope my PR gets here soon, for my sanity. If I'm not working by this winter, I'll need to be in the padded room, instead of working in the padded room.

Its amazing my husband tolerates me. Lately I'm sure its been harder for him to do so. Some days I can barely tolerate him. Welcome to real life, real marriage folks. Its not all roses and sunshine and puppies shooting out my ass. In general we're very happy. But there are days when we probably dont like each other very much. I think thats normal if its temporary.

I miss my friends. I have two friends up here and have attempted to make more but they arent very receptive. Every been in a room at someones house who is throwing a party and invited you, but barely acknowledges they know you are in the room?? Yep...thats pretty awesome and its what I've put up with twice now. I'm not so convinced I'll put up with it a third time.

Camp opens up this weekend, will be nice to have something to break up the monotony. Have a few summer trips planned around Ontario.

The spider is still there. God it gives me the willies.

Anyway, thats a really random update from me. Life isnt that exciting up here.

Well I'm lame...

2008-03-21T19:01:00.001-07:00

6 months!!! Holy crap...

Well ok, so my life hasnt been all that interesting in 6 months but I'll try to summarize.

So we've been married for 6 months on April 5th which is in a few weeks and I'm absolutely amazed how the time has flown by on us. We have already done so much together already. We've had a lot of family events, hockey games and tournaments, a trip to Florida and tons of good and bad.

I havent been working since September and I am trying really hard to go crazy. I try to keep busy, some weeks are better than others though. I have read a lot of books, played a lot of Sims and other games and watched a lot of tv.

Hmm what else...well Canada has been good to me most of the time, but some folks havent been so nice. A few interesting stories I may post about later. Mostly its been good, not all that different from the US.

It was interesting though...when we lifted off from Chicago to Toronto way back in October I cried a bit realizing it was gonna be awhile til I was back in the mother land...yet another thing I let go in the course of a few weeks with the wedding, leaving my family and my friends. It was rather bittersweet.

We went to Florida for Christmas and when we crossed the border into Detroit, it was so...exhilarating...for lack of a better word. My in-laws and husband probably didnt notice much of a change in me but I definitely felt it...Canada and the US may be very very similar but there are a lot of differences and it felt so awesome to be HOME even though I wasnt really at home in NoDak.

Christmas was hard...for one, Florida didnt feel like Christmas as there was no big dinner or get together with family, no gifts or tree or Grandma's goodies after. I did call my family and I talked to all 20 of them....I was tearing up a bit with the first 3 people...my grandma, mom and sister...but for some reason, when I got to my aunt Tina, we both just lost it. It was really sad. Florida was fun but I wasnt really there mentally at times.

Since the new year Rumba and I have been working on our health. We've started eating healthier and I've been working on exercise which is my nemesis. We bought DDR which is really fun and gets me off my ass during the day. Since then I've moved onto other exercise videos...we cant afford the gym but for now its working for us.

Not working is really tough. Rumba and I have had some tense moments financially, things are tighter than a drum and I really wish we didnt have this immigration challenge in the first year of our marriage when the first year is hard enough. I feel like our dreams are on hold,....careers, home, babies...I have learned the true power of patience and how much of it I really have. There are day when I feel very hopeless and useless...its unfortunate that this is part of the deal to get me here permanently.

I dont feel like I have many rights as Rumba's wife...which is hard to handle at times when I come to face it. There are so many things I hate about this, but in the end, its a challenge we have to get through and its something I was aware of full on when I decided upon this life. But it will pass soon and it will be much better than it is now.

Anyway, thats my life...it hasnt been that exciting, in fact, quite boring...and normal which I think is a blessing too. We are happy and so in love, despite it all and I couldnt ask for more.

As Seen in Canada....

2007-11-14T08:41:00.001-08:00

Its been awhile, eh?? EH??? Oh dear...

No really I dont say eh all the time, just when Im conversing with hardcore Canadiens...the ones I have determined are poutine eating, hockey playing, french speaking, boot wearing Canadiens. Aka, my husband.

Yes my husband! Over a month now since our wedding, time has flown by. We had a great wedding and wonderful honeymoon. Now we've been settling in and getting used to NOT having a plane ticket in the opposite direction.

Since I crossed the border in Toronto as a visitor, I've drank lots of Tim Horton's coffee, cleaned up after my former bachelor, bought a bedroom set, searched for jobs, had two interviews, actually got a part time job offer, watched a lot of the View (I'm so glad that Hasselbeck chick is having babies right now...I cant stand that woman), developed a love-hate relationship with the landlord, made some new friends, got a Christmas tree, drank more wine than I ever had before, hosted the in-laws for that dreaded "first meal," turned this apartment into a home and loved my husband more than is humanly possible.

Its been an adjustment for me I must say. I still dont know what temperature it really is in this Celsius part of the world, except that 0 C degrees is 32 F degrees...but a third grader knows that so that isnt really an accomplishment on my part. And what the fuck is a kilometer??? Near as I can tell, my only measuring stick (Haaaa!) is that 90 kilometers is approximately 60 miles...and for someone that is from North Dakota and measures distance in TIME not MILES...well I dont know how the hell long it takes me to get from here to there.

They recycle here...ok so thats not earthshattering because Americans arent completely recycling retarded...except me...because my mom didnt want to waste time recycling as she called it. So my job is to sort of figure out what is recycled, then set it next to the "blue box" as it is called, and then my husband is in charge of crushing said recycleable products to fit into tiny ass blue box. This much I know about recycling in the States...we had three boxes to recycle paper, plastic and glass....I get one, freaking "blue box" to pile all the crap into, and two WEEKS between recycling pickup. Garbage gets picked up on Tuesdays and Fridays.....sometimes Im just tempted to put the shit outside on those days because Im tired of it sitting in my home.

They drink milk from plastic bags...I cant find a gallon jug on this side of the border. And it tastes like ass, because that little cut you make in the bag allows for absorption of your other fridge items into the milk, causing the milk to take on other "flavours." Ewww...the only way this plastic bag business is even close to practical is if you have a separate fridge just for the milk. And thats a damn luxury these days. So thank the lord, they still believe in those cardboard cartons...

Speaking of groceries, they are really expensive here. Especially meat and dairy products. That has been one of the biggest shockers...and no its not just the taxes on that stuff that is high, its the base price that kills me. The taxes I dont notice yet. Oh and in case you didnt know, we are assessed in two tax brackets for products...the GST (Government Sales Tax) and PST (Product and Services Tax...and its provinicial). Something has gotta pay for that free healthcare!

The phone book is hilarious...well not really but in the Yellow pages there are listings for Escort Services. Something NOT seen in the US, at least now that I'm aware of. And I have seen more adult porn stores recently than I have in my entire life. The phone book isnt really hilarious its a big pain in the rear because they have things categorized differently...its a language thing I think.

What county am I in?? I dont know that either....I think its called a district.

Dumb question asked about Canada by me..."If there is an emergency, and I need help asap, what do I call??"

"911"...

"oooh, something familiar!!!

So I have a work offer but it takes 54 days to get a work permit...so I still sit here...talk about frustrating. I can totally not do this dutiful housewife thing...no offense to those that are housewives, you women rock the shit I cant even touch at this venture in my life. I hate staying home all day and when I do have the car for the day I wander aimlessly in the mall or grocery store just as bored as if I didnt have the car and was stuck at home.

I need a hobby. My husband has a keyboard so I've gotten back into playing a bit which is great.

We finally get tv on Friday and I'll get CNN, my outlet to American news. Right now I've been on MSNBC and CNN like a fiend.

My husband plays hockey weekly so I have become a hockey wife...I go to most of the games...and I'm excited for the tournaments coming up in the next two weeks...those are really fun and have the best parties. Thats how I've met some new people, through his hockey. We also watch hockey on tv when we get the chance...last night we went to Don Cherry's to watch Montreal vs Toronto. Hockey is definitely king up here.

Funny question asked by an American about Canada...

"Do they have Halloween up there?"

Yes Virginia, there is a Great Pumpkin...

Are we there yet?? Huh?! HUH?!?!

2007-08-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

Geez louise, I'm getting anxious the closer it gets, the more I just want it to be over already! Come on, lets get married!!

Invitations have been sent and the wedding party has all of their flights and such booked. Much anxiety and stress has been alleviated but with that comes more un-needed drama.

Sigh...people are idiots. Common sense is non-existant in this type of folk too.

Started working on music for the wedding and our bulletins. Found some stuff for favors too finally that wasnt going to force me to sell meth or something ridiculous like that. They want 6.99 for 12 freakin tulle bags. Are you kidding me??? And everything else is way too much. So I found something cheapo and we can do favors for less than 50 bucks now. Woot! And another bonus...little work to assemble and get it together.

Had my wedding gown on today for the first time since March. It was as beautiful as I remember! I cant wait to wear it for real.

I made my July plan at the Gem Store and there is a possibility that I could get a transfer to one of the stores in Canada. I spoke to the manager already so maybe she'll be able to do something. It would be a means to a small income until I get resident status which would be nice.

Golden Girls is on Lifetime. Of course its 1240am and there isnt much on, but what a great show! Haha, I remember watching this with my grandma when I was kid.

Ok so the pyro geeks that are playing with their bottle rockets nearby need to go to bed. Its late and they are still shooting the damn things off. Im sure J Hans is just thrilled...she's even closer to the action than we are and sometimes the windows shake!

Well, I'm off to bed. Enjoy the new video...it'll be on the playlist at the wedding!

56 days to go!!

Summer Cold....

2007-07-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

No its been hot as hell here too though today was a bit cooler...still 80's.

I'm talking about my very own summer cold that has developed in the last two days. I had serious dry mouth...the kind only reserved for a night of hard-core drinky-drinking... at the store this last week and it all became clear when my throat closed up on Saturday...YES! I hate summer colds, its the worst time to get sick.

I worked a lot this last week as some people are on vacation and I'm filling in. I had today off thank god so Mom and I went to do some wedding stuff. I had a chat with the church and then we went to the bridal store and to price out flowers. That was fun and I think we have it figured out. Next week is cake and more issues with the dresses and tuxes. Still figuring that all out, but I think it will be fine.

I am not a to-do list person, but I actually made a list of things I need to call/check/do. I think that means I'm getting old.

Great-Grandma is home from the hospital...a few others in the family have gotten sick and salmonella appears to be the culprit. Might have been the food at the reunion. Not everybody has gotten sick so who knows but its been might uncomfortable for a few people.

Man this is a boring post...my life is boring. Which is ok for now. But if I'm bored now, I can only imagine what life will be like when I'm in Canada and not working.

Oh well oh well...

Nighto folks!

90 Days!

2007-07-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

It comes down to this...only 3 more months, 90 days...until we're MARRIED!!! Wow the time flies...the next 3 months are going to go so fast.

So I've been working at The Gem Store...in my first 22 days I sold 4111 in jewels. Not bad. My july plan is for 15k...seems like a lot but it adds up. Ive had a slow start, the 4th of July was a complete waste of a day as we just stood around most of the day. I dig it though, it keeps me busy.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. The invitations are addressed, stamped and ready to be sent. Way ahead of schedule on that which is awesome. Flowers, cake and minor details are to come on July 17th when Mom and I both have a day off to run around town and get it all ready. Not too happy about my bridesmaid dresses but I'll have to work with it...they are beautiful and will look awesome..just not what I expected color-wise. Oh well, nothing I can do so there is no sense in getting overworked about it. I meet with the church on Monday to discuss our Liturgy. After which I'll get music and such sent to my musicians.

Rumba is fantastic and supportive as ever. He moved into our new place on July 1 and I think we'll be pretty happy and content there for at least a year or longer. We plan to stay there as long as it takes to get immigration settled as we dont want moving to hassle with paperwork. Thereafter, I suppose it depends on jobs and the like for me.

Immigration is a huge hassle, but we've been practicing. We've done a few forms together and I've been starting to gather information for the questions I know we'll need to elaborate further. Its not really that bad, it just takes a lot of reading, some questions, some confusion and a lot of time. We hope to have it all submitted by November 1.

We had the family reunion in June...was nice to see all the cousins again. Everybody changes and we seem to get new people in the family all the time. Great-Grandma looked good then but she was back in the hospital with some food related issues so hopefully she gets on the mend here shortly.

Not much else new. Baby Tange finally arrived and we now know him as Baby William. He's such a cute little bugger, looks just like his big sister. Saw my good friend EmmyLou who was most helpful and calming during this week's wedding crisis. I am so lucky to have good friends.

I miss the city this time of year, there is always tons of stuff going on, and of course, I miss my friends too! Hope to see them all again at the wedding.

Well thats it for now...enjoy the Kenny Chesney video...I really dont like him much, so he wont stay for long...but this tune aint bad.

Well, well well......

2007-06-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

Man I've been lazy on this thing.

Well not entirely lazy. Its been a really busy two months. Is it already the second half of June?! Holy hairy balls....

So since April, I have finished my schooling and internship, moved home and only stayed home for 5 days before traveling to Ontario for 10 days.

That was awesome! Five months without R was torture, but what a reunion! Of course we didnt have a lot of time to play (like 3 hours) before we had to get to the first thing on our agenda for the week...the church prep.

It was better than I expected. No Catholic agenda was forced upon me which made me feel better about the whole thing. The Catholic deacon that did our paperwork also was very encouraging about raising our children with both of our faiths instead of just the Catholic faith. At least this one endorsed it...I'm sure there will be less "liberal" Catholics along the way. Oh well...

Smile and nod.

Then it was find a new apartment, get our engagement photo taken, work on details for our ceremony, his stag party and my shower his mom was throwing for me. All in all, it was a great time together.

Then I was home for a week where I started working at The Gem. I had worked there before, just not selling...so it was easy and familiar to get back into it. Have even had a few good days selling some items too which feels good. Its also summer and boring at times because we are slow during the day. I'm used to the Christmas madness. I'm just happy to have a job and an income again. Got my first paycheck yesterday in two years...man that was awesome...200 bucks more than I had a couple days ago.

Then it was another trip back to Chicago for my graduation. Also wonderful and R made it down as well. It felt really good to hear, "Master of the Arts" conferred upon us.

Despite the hard work and stress, the shitty people I met, and the troubles of living in the city, I'm so glad I didnt quit or give up on school. I really made a huge accomplishment that not many get to do and I made some wonderful friends I'll keep forever. Without the support of my family and R, it might not have happened. I am truly blessed.

Today started the official immigration process as I made my way to the local police station to get fingerprinted. I'll send out the paperwork to the FBI tomorrow. Here we go...no turning back now!!! You'll probably reading about the immigration stuff for awhile now as I enter this next stage and challenge in my life.

Wedding plans are coming along. Not much left to do, just cake and flowers and other small details. I'm ready for it to be over though, and just ready for the day. Lots of drama and crap which is per usual when it comes to weddings and I dont want to deal with it anymore. Lets just be married and start our life already!!! Only 3.5 months to go!!

Family reunion is this weekend so run, run, run again. Should be a good time, havent had one in a few years. Be nice to see my extended family, in particular those I havent seen since Christmas. This summer is just flying by I can hardly believe it.

My good friend Liz is due to give birth anytime....in fact she's a bit late...come on Baby Tange, the world wants to meet you!!!

EmmyLou is coming home tomorrow! I'm so excited since I havent seen her since February and we'll get to spend at least one day together when we head to Forks to see some friends.

Anywho, thats about it for now. I'll do better this summer, now that I have more time.

Woot!

Tax Season

2007-04-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

I hate this year. I didnt make any money last year thus not being able to file...THUS not getting to claim the some 35k I spent on school and books last year...

stupidmotherfuckingIRSlovingtaxbastardscaneatahomelesswomansfishycooter.

Anyway...thats enough nasty language outta me.

Now that Ive unloaded about that, I can move on with life. As such I have only 2 weeks of school left. 2 weeks...unfreakingbelievable. As such, my profs have fantastic timing and decided to put everything in these last 13 days. Thanks for the 10-15 page essay douchebag on top of my other 3 exams. Mother almighty...

After that, I have 10 days straight of internship to finish out my hours. That will be the worst two weeks ever but it'll go fast too.

Then its pack pack pack real quick for 3 days before the rents arrive and move my shit into a big Uhaul and back to NoDak.

Yes I'll be 25 May 8th and living at home with my parents. Send me a sympathy card instead of a birthday wish this year.

No it shouldnt be that bad, considering its only for 4 months before I get married to Rumba.

In the meantime, I'll be slingin hash at some rundown 24 hour Flying J for 5 bucks an hour and cursing my 100k education.

But at least I wont have any bills....

Oh wait...that pesky credit card...

And some of that 100k will come back to haunt me.

In wedding news, things are fine. Well not totally, but I'd rather not discuss it here. When I was home for spring break, I got a lot of shit done, thus not having to do much until I get home in May. I'm going to the North in May for a week to get a LOT of shit done as well:

Marriage counseling prep: Where we have to pretend we're good people, lie about sex and birth control and convince a man of God to marry us in the Catholic church so that my husband can provide for his family.

Meet with the Deacon: Because the counseling session is the "horse doovers" of marriage prep, according to our priest, and we need to lie some more.

Engagement Photo: Dress up, smile pretty, spend money.

Look for apartments: Key words: 2 bedroom, in-house laundry, rent falls below the anally violating level.

Bridal Shower: 20 people, 7 of which I have met...the others....well I guess it'll be a surprise.

Should be high entertainment.

I'm ready for a car again...Im tired of the train. And for food to be less expensive. And housing to be reasonably priced. And an income.

w00t.

I've always said that she had a great set of pipes but I didnt like Christina Aguilera back in her teeny-bopper days or that whole Dirrty thing. But I'm really diggin her new stuff and I think she should stick with what she's doing now.

I love the new video Candyman...but who doesnt love a buncha seamen?

Whitesnake-Greatest Rock Ballad Ever

2007-03-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

View the new video. Know it, love it, write a report on it.

If you dont know it, love it or report back to me on the greatness of this rock ballad, may the rath of the musical gods rain down upon you.

The Proposal!

2007-02-18T21:36:00.000-08:00

The Proposal!
The After Game!

Lions, Colts and DA Bears...oh my....

2007-02-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

So the Bears lost....I was torn between the two. I pledge my allegiance to my college roomate for her obsession with the Bears and everything Chicago. And I do live here afterall. The Chicago media made it tiring after awhile, but it was really neat to see the flags, the lights, the helmeted lions, the El....I was hoping for a parade a la the White Sox, but alas...

But I was also cheering for the Colts too...how can anyone in their right mind hate Peyton Manning or Tony Dungy? I think their coach is just a really classy, deserving coach.

And the weather sucked. I mean honestly, the weather shoulda been given the MVP and the Caddy because it was a huge factor.

I didnt not go to a SuperBowl party. Rumba and I chatted throughout the game. Its too goddamn cold here to do anything. The building had a party but I was feeling antisocial so..meh.

The commercials were sub-par this year too. I only like maybe 2 or 3 of them out of like the 50 that were shown.

In other news..only 10 weeks left of school! Wootie woot! Ok, only a n00b would say wootie, but hey...im excited. Haha..n00b...

Wedding planning is going right along I guess. Have the big vendors booked, already been pissed off about some stuff, and have cried...yes!!!!!!!!! And all in less than a month...its been loverly, lemme tell ya.

I do have an awesome maid of honor that listens to me bitch about this stuff, soo yay for sanity! Rumb has been really great too, taking an active role in helping with the plans. He hasnt complained thus far. We've had a few tough spots too but its worked out. He has our honeymoon booked...we are sooo excited about that!!

Gophers were swept out by the Sioux. God bless America folks it was a good week to be a hockey fan.

My classmates are tiring. I hate Fridays...hate em....so frustrating. I swear to god I cant believe some of these people are getting the same degree as me. Oh well...they may be getting the same letters, but most definitely not the same education.

My friend BrownEyedGirl was struck by a crazy ass Chicago driver last week. Hellooo!! Scary!! Jesus tap-dancing Christ....she's ok though. She's got a lot of other stuff to deal with but thankfully she is still with us.

And its cold...as a witches titty...

And Im sick of teenagers. I'm not sure I want to have kids of my own after this working experience. Good god. Good news is that I hope to have a job when I get home with the VA. That would be an awesome position....government job and with adults, not teenagers (well not directly anyway). Veterans are a population that really have a lot of trauma related issues, and their families have a lot to go through as well. Its an interesting subset in our culture. So here's hoping. And Canada has a VA up there for their vets, so maybe I could get a transfer....

At any rate, its time for bed. Good night all..stay warm out there!

Train Friends.....

2007-01-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

You can make a lot of "friends" on public....woo...I almost mispelled that world to the short and curlies....transpo

Anywho....

I was on the Amtrak train 6 times between October and December. Four of those trips were for most unpleasant trips and the other two were for the holiday.

My own unpleasantness on the 2nd trip home for my grandfather's funeral was exacerbated by the jackbags traveling to Portland. Please tell me what is wrong with the people on the West Coast? My god, my entire car was full of Portland travelers. Which means...I was stuck with them the entire 13 hours I was on the damn train....oh the humanity.

I really shouldnt bash West Coasters...my aunt and uncle live in Oregon themselves, but really, how bad is it when you are so drunk when you get on the train that you cant find your seat for the rest of the trip? Seriously, two drunk assholes got on in Chicago, had 2 cases of beer between them. One disappeared...never saw him for the rest of the 13 hours. You would think I would have spotted the dude somewhere..I mean honest to christ the train aint that big!! You only have 4 options to be...your seat, the lounge car, the dining car and the shithouse. I was at all 4 at some point, somewhere I should have saw the guy.

His friend on the other hand, I saw and heard and...wait for it...

Smelled...

Far far too much.

He was so drunk, he kept wandering between cars, bugging people, hitting on married women, falling on their chairs, tripping over himself.

Which if you dont know how to train surf, can be problematic. Dont make your troubles worse by drinking the county dry.

He was so drunk he couldnt speak coherently...and he tried speaking Spanish...badly...to the poor immigrant lady in front of us...god, that poor poor woman.

He was so drunk that as he gandered, tripped and fell around the aisle, he would let a few not so discreet ass solos along the way.

You know that noise your brother makes with his mouth to imitate long winded farts? Yep.

Also, when he did managed to find his seat and his beer, when he would bend over to pop another cold one, his ass would pop out another solo.

Even after he sat there staring into a drunk oblivion into the darkness of Wisconsin, he would direct the musical performance with no care in the world.

I'm glad his colon is working properly...honest to christ....

The other four thrills for that particular trip was this married couple and their two young children under the age of 5.

The children were fine. The infant cried occassionally, the young girl just sat there. Their parents were assholes to the finest degree.

They fought...yelled, cussed and called names...for 5 hours. From downtown Chicago until LaCrosse Wisconsin. Who has that much to fight about really? And the shit they were hurling at each other. No wonder the infant would fuss...he was reacting to his parents. If my husband ever tells me to shut up or fuck off or you're stupid bitch....ever...but especially in earshot of an entire train car of happy travelers....

Mr. Lawyer, we have a problem. I want my husbands assets...including his testicles.

Enough about that particular trip. The holiday trip was most joyous as well.

See the thing about the holidays is that the train is always full to the ceiling. Packed to the max and no chance of getting a seat to myself.

I did pretty well until the Cities. Then I was stuck with the woman that was riding behind me. Who informed a lot of people between Chicago and the Cities that she was a single mom, Ph.D I/O Psych student in Virginia, who lost 50 lbs in 2 months.

I HATE humble people....life is so boring with them around (insert sarcasm here).

And this only confirmed that I cant handle I/O psych people. You take the oily personality of a car salesman and the psychotic traits of a psych student....

Nuclear winter.

Oh and at 2:30 in the morning when I sleepily and not encouragingly looked over at her to see if she would move a bit to give me room (50 lbs lighter, you'd think she'd have more room there to share)....and she starts talking...AGAIN about her single mom, Ph.D badassness. Only she proceeded to get really narcissistic on my ass and said that she...she would be changing the, entire personality paradigm in I/O psychology, causing this massive shift in thinking about personality in the workplace and make millions and millions of dollars just with her dissertation and research.

Right.

And rainbows, clouds, and furry little kitties will come shooting out my ass...

October 5, 2007

2007-01-04T20:54:00.001-08:00

Exactly 9 months until our wedding!!! Hoooraay!!!

As you can tell, the holiday with Rumba was most excellent and was capped by our engagement. Our favorite game to play together is Scrabble and my mom got him a really nice Scrabble game for Christmas. On Friday December 29th, just before we started to play, he spelled out Will You Marry Me on the game and was on one knee next to the board! It was so wonderful and special...and all those other happy adjectives people use to describe such a moment. I was speechless of course until I said "YES!!"

We have a church and reception hall booked and we're working on photography and a DJ by next week. Most of our wedding party is picked as well.

Here's to the next 9 months ahead...holy crap it will go fast!!

"I'll let you whip me if I misbehave..."

2006-12-22T22:08:00.000-08:00

Yes Im here. Alive and...welll....maybe well. Eh..such is life. But no...I'm not watching you masturbate...some jackbag wanted me to do that...sorry...notintoitthanks.

Anywho....

Its now approaching the end of the calendar year and what have we learned this year kids? Life is a ride, wear knee pads. Yes...knee pads. I still have knee problems when it rains...so you bitches...take care of your knees or you'll be able to predict the average rainfall better than those Ph.D's on Channel 11 (Too Tall Tom...a Doctor???...haaaaaaaaaaaa!)

As for me, I'll be working on my weak ankles when the clock turns to 07.

Lets recap since my last post. Which was depressing.

My grandfather, a brave strong man, and one of the most important people in my life...passed away November 16th, 8 days into his 81st year. It was a very difficult two weeks here at home and before Thanksgiving and it wont be a thrilling Christmas (again...sigh), but I tell ya what....I have an angel on my shoulder watching me everyday until we meet again. He is a good man, gave me everything I have, and he's in a safe place. After a year of struggles and essentially mourning him for a very long time, peace is coming to us all.

Finished my 4th semester of grad school with all A's. Hooray! What a bitch though...again, with everything else outside of school, I am surprised. I worked my ass off though, despite everything and I deserve it. Safe to say, the only time I'm really going to brag it up (because successful people dont need to brag), is now. So there ya go....I'm a genius...haaaaaaaaaaa!! Just kidding.

And with that, I have registered for my FINAL...yes FINAL semester of my graduate education and will be starting January 8th. Final day is April 27th. Countdown to follow soon...

Internship...aah what can I say. Honestly, its been a real test and a wild ride. I really cant talk about it here...confidentiality and the risk involved. Lets just say...its been a learning experience (that was so cliche...)

I'm really blessed with a lot of good friends. Some have been there, some havent recently but they are thought of all the time. I hope to see some of my NoDak friends while I'm home here.

Speaking of...Amtrak is such a bitch. I'm telling ya....only a flying phobia as strong as mine could justify the asshats I've dealt with the last 3 trips home, in 3 months. October---32 hours round trip. November---19 hours round trip. December---13 hours and counting....good goddamn. And guess what....I'll be doing it again in February and March!! Hooraay!! I cant wait. I've made lots of "Train Friends" and used my "Angry Eyes" many a times (shout out to Em--miss ya dear!!). I swear to God I'm the only normal one on that train. I need to start using acid or something....good lord....

I'm super excited beyond words because tomorrow at 10pm my CanadiEn will be arriving in NoDak for 8 days!! Havent seen him since I left him at the Toronto airport August 13th. 4 months is a long damn time to go without him and like everything else, its been a challenge. We dont have much planned really which is how we like it. Christmas in the Magic City, his birthday is the 26th and we might be spending New Years with J. Hans and her hubby EarAche. My dad's birthday is New Years Eve too, so we might do lunch with him. Just lots of quality time together.

And then...we'll likely be on our longest separation yet...5 months. Let the bitching commence January 4th. 5 months folks...thats a long damn time to be without tail. I might need someone to hold my hand and preoccupy me. I'll be twitching by mid-April, just before finals. NOT a good place to be, people...not a good thing at all. Ah well...at least I wont have to shave my legs for awhile. Well..maybe for the firemen.

At some point, I will post something about my train experiences. I've got a few good stories.

And...along with taking care of your knees....lose some weight this year. Or at least get healthy. Dooo it!! It'll be better for you and me later in life.

Hooray I posted an update. I promise to be more faithful to my blog in 07.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Previous readings: Dr. Zhivago by Pasternak, East of Eden by Steinbeck, (LOVED IT) The Ice Man by Carlo, Cracked by Dr. Drew (yes the Doc from Loveline...didnt know he was a substance abuse specialist), Random Family by (cant remember..very good though)

Current Readings: Helter Skelter by Bugliosi Lolita by Nabokov, The Glass Castle by Walls, Anna Karenina (Still..yes!!) by Tolstoy and The Divine Comedy by Dante (yes...Im a masochist...)

(Can you believe I can still read this shit AND my texts? Me neither...yes...I'm a masochist...)

Music: Jackson Browne, Dave, Duke Ellington, SexyBack (dont ask, Im not sure...but "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" lyric of the year!) Miles Davis, Our Lady Peace and that new Josh Turner diddy "Would You Go With Me." I cant wait to two step to that one at our wedding.

NY Resolutions: Lose weight, stop chewing my nails, get an income again, and learn more about my spiritual self. Pretty sure that #2 wont happen...I've been working on that one for 25 years now...

Au Revoir!!

Hey Ya!

2006-12-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

Ray M. 1925-2006, Love You Forever

2006-11-22T22:27:00.000-08:00

Meh....

2006-11-06T23:03:00.000-08:00

Pretty much sums up the last time I posted. Its been a roller coaster of a month. Ready for a break..from life.

School is fine. Just keep on, keepin on and Em would say. After this Wednesday, I think the semester will be pretty much over. Only 5 weeks left now so hooray for that.

Internship is fine. We have four clients now. They keep us on our toes. They have interesting lives and its hard to remember that they are teenagers with big problems. Its been a learning experience for sure. I have more to say, but no desire to write about it right now.

The CanadiEn is fantastic. He's the light in this darkness right now. He'll be coming to NoDak for Christmas this year and staying for 10 days. We are super excited

Went home in the middle of the month to see my grandfather. It was the hardest 5 days of my life. I went from thinking he was in the hospital, to seeing him in the nursing home, to visiting him in ICU, to a regular hospital room. He was moved back to the nursing home 3 days after I left. I know its probably the last time I'll see him alive. It was very hard accepting that before I left...still hard as I write this.

My dad has spent a total of 5 days in Fargo and the rest with my grandparents this last month helping them out and preparing for the inevitable. I talk to him and he's very tired. Its very stressful watching someone you love die. I still havent figured out if sudden death is better, as in the case of my uncle. Or being able to say goodbye but waiting for a phone call. I dont know. I really wish I was there, to be with my dad. But I know I cant. Maybe I could...but its better that I'm here.

Aside from the overwhelming sadness at the prospect of losing my grandfather, I have a lot of anger and resentment towards other family members as well. Once again, they prove that they are more self-centered and ridiculous than ever. My waste of space, fuckwit of an aunt is probably the worst. Because she actually lives in the same town as my grandparents. Does she do anything? Of course not...that would be unselfish and god forbid she think beyond herself.

Seeing him has changed my perspective on a lot of things, especially my own health. I've taken steps to better take care of myself. Working on that whole sleep thing...its been hard to sleep lately.

As a result, I've been extremely irritable and up and down all month. Another reason I havent updated this hog in awhile...just dont really care about much of anything. My studies have slackened and my motivation for this semester is pretty much gone. It has been a struggle to do basic things like an oral presentation. I am not an easy person to get along with these days and sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I've self-diagnosed myself with a mild depressive episode. I'm sure it will pass soon. When its all over...who knows. Fake it til you make it I suppose.

Only 20 weeks left of school...yay.

I feel very alone...

Paralysis.....

2006-10-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

He leads a clean life...

Not one smoke in his entire 81 years...

Fucking cancer...

Tumors ravaging his once-strong body....

Have now taken over his spine...

And leaves him unable to walk.

Paralysis

Much like my heart is feeling right now...

To all you FUCKWITS, JACKBAGS and ASSHATS that continue to poison your body with cigarettes and tobacco...

I dont wish lung cancer on anybody...

He never smoked....

And life isnt fair...

But I hope you get a goddamn clue...

Before its too late.

Its Been Awhile Eh?

2006-09-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

So here I am...I didnt fall off the planet though it sure feels like its kicked my ass lately. A quick recap...

Early August...Canada and all the glory that is being with my CanadiEn.

Middle August...started internship..hooray for no life.

End August...moved out of the City into a quaint lil burb. Fantastic.

In the meantime I also went to the Chicago Jazz fest. Awesome music, unbelievable artists. It was a great time. After the Jazz fest I went to Buddy Guy Legends...also a great place. Eric Clapton has performed there...and several other famous Blue's artists. Loved it...but not as much as jazz.

September...started school. Taking 4 classes on Wednesday and doing my practicum 4 days a week. With the commute I dont get home until 930pm every night. By the end of Wednesdays I'm totally shot, physically and mentally. Practicum isnt too bad thus far. I'm learning a lot and really enjoying it. At some point I'll make a post about equine therapy. But not for now....

Lots going on at home, dont really care to discuss it here. Same old color of the shit, different day.

The CanadiEn and I are currently discussing weddings, civil ceremonys, impending marriage and immigration. It a continuous discussion every day as we hammer this out. Its a really complicated situation which is expected but it will work out. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.

I've looked at this thing many times in the last month but just havent felt the urge to post. Especially recently when all my life consists of is internship, classes and the CanadiEn. Even this post is taking a lot of energy...

Hope ya'll are well out there in blogger land...sorry I havent been around. Take care.

2006-09-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

K. Hope 9 Months

2006-08-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

Look at my big blue eyes!!! And my red hair!!! I look just like my Daddy!!!
Baby arms and cheeks are the best!
R. Cade and K. Hope--yay!!!

The most stylish baby ever!!!

K. Hope is 9 months old now and doing great. She wont have another surgery until she is about 3 years old. She's a very happy and very normal baby!! Yay!!

I Want to Go Home...

2006-08-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well well, I've had two weeks of craziness and travels but it was...

Fantastic.

The parents met...and it went very well. They got along great, conversation flowed, laughs were had and overall a great time. Woo hoooo!

And then I went home with Rumba to Canada for the next week. This was very last minute because I booked my US return flight the night before they arrived in Chicago. But I'm glad I went because the previous days with the parents went way too quickly.

Spent some quality time with Rumba and his family. I love it up there. I always have a great time and I always feel so welcome.

Lots and lots of discussions about immigration, engagements and moving there in May. His family is pretty well aware of our intentions so it was fun to discuss with them.

It just feels like "home" with him. Like I belong up there with him. Thats a good feeling to have.

Also went looking at rings while I was there at his request. He wanted some very general ideas but I didnt pick out a specific ring. He wants it to be a surprise so I didnt pick out anything. So we'll see...hehe...

Now Im back in Chicago and have to pack up my apartment. The big move to the burbs is next Thursday. I have no idea where Im going to put my boxes in this place...huge sigh. I hate packing and moving.

School starts in exactly 2 weeks. I'm telling ya...I dont know where the time goes...

Three Semesters Down...

2006-07-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Two to go.

Holy...

SHIT!!!

Time is flyin by folks, I cant hardly believe I've been in Chicago for a year now. Its very surreal to think that I only have 9 months left of grad school.

When you apply for schools and wait patiently for acceptance, it seems like 2 or 3 years will take forever and ever. I really started to wonder if I wanted to take these two years and accumulate an ass-load of debt just for a few more letters behind my name. But then the time arrives and it just zooms past.

And then I realized that those few more letters behind my name will actually mean something. A very real accomplishment. Something that will pay off.

I think I'm one of the only persons in my family that will have a degree beyond college. I have a few cousins that are doing med school or more training in that area. But my immediate family, I'm the only one as of right now. I was also the first to graduate college from my mothers side. Crazy shit man.

I can't wait to get there next April with my M.A.

The summer semester went really quick. My group counseling class was great, probably one of the best classes I've taken. The other two were a bit of a waste of time. I'll have to take time to learn and re-learn some of the material on my own. I expect high grades for all the classes though.

In other news, the visit is on Tuesday!! I'm super excited about it. His mom also mentioned coming back with them for a few days before coming back to Chicago. I might do that if it works out. It would be nice to have a little vacation before I start internship and moving at the end of the month.

And I want to wish a Happy 1st Birthday to Miss Emily! I can't believe what a big girl she is these days!!

Plans for the weekend include some cleanup, and trying to stay busy so I dont go crazy. Not really sure what is on the agenda but I hope its fun!!

Later gators

Narcissism

2006-07-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

The Greek myth about the man named Narcissus who rejected Echo and then fell in love with his own reflection. Because he couldn't consumate with his reflection, he withered away and turned into a flower...the narcissus.

Makes for a clever myth..

Story...

Tale...

Fable...

Lesson....

But it is the most painful thing to actually experience this from another person.

Especially if that person is a central figure in your life within your family.

Its really bad when you're sitting in your pathologies class and the light goes on...

THATS what she is eh??

Holy shit...

But having that sort of...epiphany if you will..isnt very comforting.

It doesnt change anything about that person, it doesnt change who they are.

Or how they make you feel.

Or the family feud that has resulted because of it.

4 years now. 4 years of feuding.

Its not the first feud either. The first one was back in 1995 and last for almost 2 years. That ended when a natural disaster temporarily brought everybody together. Amazing what a flood will do. It was bad...and good all at once.

That sort of thing teaches you life lessons. I was only a freshman in high school when my house was flooded and my life was uprooted for the summer. I didnt get to drive until the next year...which as a 15 year old was a freakin tragedy. I didnt get to have a fun summer...I was helping rebuild and living in a motor home in my front yard.

But it did change me..and for the better. Like that sort of thing is supposed to do.

And for a brief moment, the feud was over. Everybody was getting along.

And then he died. Suddenly and without warning. December 21, 1998.

Heart attack. His third. The one they said would kill him.

Christmas was hell.

The funeral was December 26th. Hell. No Joyeux Noel that year.

He's the one that ended the feud. Not with his death but with his heart.

He was the one that brought me 2 lbs of M & M's on my birthday every year, because they are my favorite. I think thats why I'll never give up eating M & M's...ever.

He was the one that took us in the slough with the 3-wheelers and told not to tell Grandma.

He was the one that made everybody laugh out loud. His own laugh was infectious.

He always had a story to tell.

He taught me how to make homemade sausage, play the Farming Game and shoot off bottle rockets on the Fourth of July.

And when the pigs got out, he was there to sit in the grass and laugh his ass off while the rest of us rode them back into the pen.

He was my favorite uncle. He was only 49 when he died.

Suddenly the feuds of the past didnt matter anymore. We came together again for my widowed aunt who was suddenly very lost in the world. And for a long time it seemed as though, they had finally realized what was important..and wouldnt feud anymore.

And then she started having problems.

He wasnt there to make sure she stayed "balanced."

And in one surgeons mistaken cut...her life changed forever.

So did ours.

At first it was just the cut...the injury...the hole in her shoulder and the inability to lift her arm that held her back.

Then she sued. And lost it all.

But she didnt stop. Pretty soon, her whole body was falling apart.

Or so she says. We really dont know. She's been "unbalanced" for a long time.

Then she started taking all her problems out on everybody else. Instead of listening to the support we were giving her...she was pushing away. And then calling us assholes because we let her be in her own misery.

Its all about the money. Its always been about money.

She can be/was a very good person with a big heart. One that would do anything for you.

But in the end, even that came with a price tag.

2002. One simple yet firm email from my mother.

The feud started all over again. Not by my mother...but by my aunts own reaction to that very simple, yet firm email.

And this time the Narcissist brought in everybody against her.

Extended family. Once neutrals and uninvolved...now people sucked in by the Narcissist.

And the hateful, spiteful emails. Full of lies and bullshit about my mother, my father, my grandparents and others. Pages and pages of lies and rambling and preaching.

It could fill a coffee table book.

Oh and she's going to die anyday now. Just so you know...she's been dying for 5 years now.

Her predictions of death have always been the same...December 21st.

So pity her and pity her some more. Listen to her tantrums and her lies.

4 years raging this feud. And it wont end. My mother wont budge and rightfully so.

The Narcissist has done herself in this time.

She'll die a lonely old woman.

Any good memories I have of her are totally gone now. She's ruined that for me too.

My mother has made small sacrifices in the name of my grandfather because of his cancer fight.

But she doesnt do it for the Narcissist or herself. Just him.

You'd think his fight would somehow fix the situation, much like the Flood did in the past.

But not this time. In fact it only fuels her more.

The others are coming around now. But not to my mother. They have the Narcissist figured out finally. They know her game. But its too late. The damage has been done.

Even though they know the game, they dont understand. They're still victims of it despite knowing her game.

She's going blind. Had "emergency surgery" to fix that. But can still send out pages of emails.

Now she cant hear.

Nothing worse than a Narcissistic Hypochondriac with Manic Tendencies.

And I think she's really losing her mind now. She's always been "unbalanced", but I think she's on a full psychotic break.

If you dont understand mental illness, it doesnt make you immune from its effects. Direct or indirect. Ignorance is not bliss in this case.

This type of mental illnesses she manifests are some of the most painful type to be on the receiving end. Its like you having a trait of loyalty, friendliness or intelligence. Its like you being hard-working, independent and strong. Now take those away and describe yourself as grandiose, self-loving and all-important. Describe yourself as money-hungry, self-centered, delusional and manic.

Thats what its like. Its ingrained in her. Its a personality trait with her. Its not a passing phase or a result of unresolved grief from her husband's sudden death. Its not anger at being permanently injured by a shitty doctor.

Some mental illnesses can be fixed or alleviated...through therapy, counseling or pills. Many people live "normal" lives with mental illness. Thats the mystery of the human mind.

She will never be fixed or alleviated. No amount of pills will fix her. No amount of therapy will change her. The mystery of her mind is unfathomable.

Knowing this doesnt help me. It only makes me aware.

It doesnt make me anything more than angry.

For what has happened and what she has done.

For what has been lost.

Maybe some day I'll come to terms with it.

Probably after her death...

Hot Town, Summer in the City....

2006-07-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty....

If you live in the lower 48, you know how freaking hot it is right now. So no need to discuss...if you dont know, then you need to get out of bed.

Stay cool out there folks.

My Juvenile offender class was canceled today. Glad I took that class this summer...as I've learned nothing...fantastic waste of money.

So I spent the day slacking off..something I'm very good at doing. The CanadiEn and I discovered this slick online chat thing called Skype. We can verbally talk now without it costing us money. So I went down to CompUSA (my favorite store...EVER...notsomuch) and bought myself a headset with a microphone.

Yes, we're nerds.

But our long-distance bills will be virtually eliminated now...so woo hoo!!

He also said that the headphones will come in handy when he gets me addicted to WoW (World of Warcraft for the mortals in the room). Its quite likely this will happen considering I wont be able to work in The True North until I get my visa approved. I mean what the hell else am I going to do for 2 years??

The Red Line stunk the big one today. When its hot, people stink more. I was standing near these two hard laborers...ewww...good god it was disgusting. I still have that train smell on me. The underground is also hotter than hell and the stench is worse.

Windchill>>>>>>>>>>Heat Index.

I like summer and all, but this crap is getting ridiculous. I much prefer winter and snow and cold. I dont complain about it nearly as much.

Did you know its National Ice Cream day? Even without knowing that, I went and indulged on some ice cream. I bought a thing of Breyers Light Double Churned Cookies and Cream...mmmm ice cream. Going light of course so I dont totally sabotage my diet. I havent bought ice cream in a long long time.

The heat didnt stop the tourists either. They were out in full force. They love that American Girl store. Its like a small cult going in and out of there. I went in once. But since I dont have a small, spoiled child clinging to my leg, I felt out of place and had no idea what the hell was going on. So I left. Not to mention I never read those books when I was a kid so therefore, the appeal wasnt there. But did you know you can get a doll in your likeness? The people will fix hair and dress the doll just like you!!

Oh my god.

No thanks.

Its getting exciting in here now. My snowy tv is shorting out because of the storm outside.

The lights are flickering a bit too.

But the suburbs get all the fun stuff. Hail, winds, lots of rain.

The CanadiEn was without hydro (CanandiEn electricity for the mortals) for most of the day today as his town got one helluva storm. Downed trees, crazy rain....he didnt get it back until 1030pm his time.

I added links to my sidebar, now that I figured it out.

I want to see M Night Shalamalamdingdongs new movie...Lady in the Water. His movies are so hit and miss.

The Village-disappointing, almost shitty. Sixth Sense-Uber good.
Unbreakable-Extra shitty with a side of ass. Signs--good but not on the uber level.
That mastercard thing..oh wait, thats not a movie?? Well, its still weird..

Did you know that coloring is very therapeutic? Its why we use it calm children down when they get a bit wild. Well I have two coloring books and a big box of 64 crayons. Finding Nemo and Disney Princess. I use them to help me relax my mind before sleep or to calm down a hectic day.

Its so hard to find a good coloring books. They are usually full of crappy games or puzzles, stickers and shit.

Just give me something to fill in between the lines.

Craig Ferguson has a crappy Scottish comedian on right now. Sigh...well at least its better than fiddlefucking David Lee Roth (see previous rant).

Only 14 days to go until the road trip. Sweet lord....

I missed the Mets/Cubs game which I intended to go to last night. I guess the Mets kicked major ass anyways...two grand slams in one inning...nice work Cubbies, nice work.

Maybe I'll go to the Houston series.

Coop-a-Loop is coming to visit me in August. So is Schillerin and Nelle at around the same time.

That should be highly entertaining.

3 women, 1 dude (he's small in stature though so that helps--yay for Asian genes)

In my 240 sq foot space.

I cant wait.

Signature Drinks, Signature View, Signature Look Baby!!!

2006-07-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

Fantastic Mexican meal including two margaritas--$50 bucks
Two long islands and a Skyline View--$40 bucks
Rumba-$10 cover, $20 Grey Goose/Cranberry
Sangria by the Pitcher--$65 bucks
Looking sexaaay and having fun with your girlfriends--Priceless

The Southern Belle and Tiger

Well holy hell it was an expensive ass Friday evening here in Chi-Town. It was super fun though. The meal was one of the best meals I've ever eaten...this stuff was no Paradiso or Chi-Chi's. It was faaabulous. I also decided that I dont care for margaritas much. Icky...

Then we went onto the Signature Room at the Hancock Tower. 96th floor of the building...fantastic night view of the skyline. The drinks were excellent but a bit on the spendy side. A couple in front of us got engaged...it was very sweet. Highly recommended place..will probably go back before I leave Chicago for good.

Tiger and WiscoJen

WiscoJen, The Brown-Eyed Girl, PsyDCent & GucciBaby

Rumba was interesting. It was fun, but interesting. At that point, I was feeling pretty good. The music was awesome, but I didnt dance. It was a little intimidating as all these people were going crazy on the dance floor. The Southern Belle ordered a pitcher of sangria without asking the price....and 65 bucks later, we soo didnt need that pitcher of sangria. I was already drunk and didnt want to drink anymore. But holy shit...so we drank it up and left around 2am.

It was a fun night...good thing I dont do these things all the time or I'd be broke..I think I'm well on my way there actually...holy...

Gimme A Taste....

2006-07-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot to tell about my Taste of Chicago experience. Which should tell you how un-wonderful it was for me. I mean it was just a bunch of food stands and millions of people pushing and shoving around.

Dont get me wrong...

I luuuuurrrrvvvve me some food.

But this whole weight watchers thing I've been trying to do for oh...3 months now...is totally cramping my style.

So spending 15 dollars on 22 food tickets which I didnt use all just isnt my idea of a grand ol time.

Did I mention I dislike large crowds of people?

Not that I hate crowds...it just gets ridiculous at times.

However, I did try "fried ravioli." Which was just deep friend ravioli...

Mmmm I can feel my arteries hardening as I type this...

Anyhoo, it was fabulous. I love ravioli.

And then I had a 'taste' of peiroiges. Thats a damn hard word to spell and no I wont google it to fix it...

Fine.

Pierogies.

Rumba loves those things so I had to give the real deal a whirl. I'm a sap like that.

Also fabulous.

And then we purused the crowds for something sweet. Mmm cheesecake, ice cream and chocolate covered strawberries.

But alas, those were the longest lines. No wonder America is the fattest nation in the world.

So I didnt contribute to my own obesity by standing in line, but I did suggest Cold Stone Creamery to my friend. Sweet moses thats some good shit. My ass cant get any bigger can it?

Probably.

So we left. And didnt get to CSC because the #3 bus took for-damn-ever and we were slotted to see Pirates of the Caribbean in 20 minutes. Soooo...

Hello Johnny, you're HOT.

Other than Taste, its been a slow week.

Well maybe not. I had a group therapy presentation on Tuesday. The Southern Belle and I had to lead a group session too. Cognitive-behavioral therapy on stress management.

Go Skinner Go!! What a badass...

So that went well. Today was Brown-Eyed Girls birthday so a bunch of classmates went to the Cheesecake Factory for some kibbles and bits....and grits....

Amazing food. Holy hell...

And the cheesecake...delicious. I had the Godiva Chocolate. Mmmmmm food....

All I do is eat I swear to jeebus.

And those two strong-ass long island teas kicked me square in the liver.

So we went to career counseling (worst class of my entire schooling career---I've been in school for almost 18 years...thats pretty bad) and I had the giggles somethin fierce from the booze.

The Brown Eyed Girl said she could smell the booze...either on me or the Southern Belle.

Thats what we're here for, to drink and drink and drink....

Oh dear...at least I was amused which is all that matters. Not an easy task in that class.

And this birthday is turning into an extravaganza. She went to Grant Park after class for Summerdance--they taught Zydeco tonight.

Interesting...and then they went for Karaoke. I dont know how to spell that word either.

Fine.

Oh wait..thats actually right.

I was goin to go for karaoke but decided to stay home.

Because tomorrow is WW day and of course I'm going to either stay the same or gain again...as if I'll ever lose 5 freakin pounds.

I suck at life.

Well ok so I dont. But tomorrow is also part deux of the birthday festivities wherein we will get all lollied up and go to the Signature Room (www.signatureroom.com) for a drink and then Latin Dancing. Fantastic!!

I dont know how to latin dance.

But...I'm gonna look daaaamn sexxaay in my cocktail dress.

And if any of those latin lovers feels me up...its all over.

I'm happily attached but thanks for playing...

And if you dont like my new song....

May hellfire rain upon you...

Fire in the El Subway....

2006-07-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

The outbound Blue line train derailed tonight and there was a huge fire. Right now they are saying that the brakes failed and it derailed as a result. The dragging train car ignited or smoked up. The train was undergound at this point so everybody had to file out in the dark, to the emergency hatches that are rarely used, covered in dust, cobwebs and debris....

Scary eh? Thank goodness I dont ride the trains very much. I'll be riding the Metra quite often in the next coming months and those sometimes derail. Ahh commuter life. So exciting!

Not much else to update. Counting down the days til Rumba gets here, til I move, til I get my degree, til I can go to Canada.....I'm getting impatient.

School is fine...winding down for the summer, will have a month off soon. Uber-frustrated at the department right now but whatcha gonna do, right? Oh well...

Who else was totally psyched about my A-Ha video? Come on now, you can tell me!!! That was a bitchin video back in the 80's. And Rob Thomas...oh what an angry hottie...k ya'll that song "Push" is 10 years old. I was a freshman in high school when it came out on the radio....daaaaaamn Im OLD!!!!!!

Rumba moved into his new place last night. He says there is room for me!! Yay!!

And I'm off...have some reading to do.

Randomness

2006-07-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need to exercise more tact. But I think honesty is the best policy. But I could use more tact at times.

Its hard to have a semi-serious conversation without being able to see the other person. There is definitely a truth to non-verbal communication.

Dang my psych profs are right! Always observe the non-verbals...take in the non-verbals...what are the non-verbals saying??

I really really really really miss Rumba right now. I really really really really cant wait until we're local. That will be at the end of May. Woo hooo!!

I say things I dont mean at times mostly because I speak before I think. This is bad. Must. Stop. Now.

I signed my new lease today. Woo hoo, suburbia here I come. Screw you City, I dont need you anymore!!

Tomorrow I am going to Taste of Chicago...mmm food and music.

Oh and Pirates of the Caribbean will be viewed therafter. Yesssssss.....

I went dancing last night. In my new sexy shoes. They're kinda like the shoes worn in Dirty Dancing. Really high heels and a nice form.

But they hurt..

Like a sonofagun..

Goobersmooch.

Which is the same as "snotkiss."

Yum!

Its really late and I want to get up tomorrow and go shopping at Victoria's Secret. Thats a bad store for me. I could easily spend a couple hundred bucks on silky, lacey things and underwear. Its bad...bad bad bad.

But oh so good.

But bad...for the budget.

Only 24 more days until the big parental meet-up. I need to nickname it somehow but I havent figured it out yet. Its not like the Dave Matthews Band Bitchin Road Trip because there is no band and I dont think Rumba and I are groupies. And Meet the Fockers is just too freakin cliche...

Well shit...

Today this homeless man got in my face with his cup and shouted Happy Friday!!! Dude, you havent eaten in a few days, you sleep on concrete and you're cracked out...how is this happy for you?? And no kidding, I could still hear him 3 blocks away. No joke. I'm sure the suburbia commuters running to the OTC just LOVED mowing this guy over because he wouldnt get out of the way.

I dont mind the homeless...hey they're like entrepreneurs...they gotta try right? I feel really bad for them because most people just ignore them. Its really hard to ignore their plight. But dont get in my face like that...that makes me defensive and paranoid. Almost like how they are when they havent had a line of crack in a few days.

I saw this woman today with the brightest head of hair EVER. I saw her leave the CVS and storm down the Madison bridge with a mission man. A mission. I hope it was to find some Dawn to tone down her hair color.

The Southern Belle is having a dating conundrum right now. Thats right. I just wanted to use conundrum in a sentence.

I think they sprayed for roaches the other day...at least I hope I emptied out my cupboards for a purpose. But I havent seen nairy a bug in here since I've moved in. Fantastic, we're roach free!! Woot.

Everybody says they see rats in the city. I see the flying ones...the damn dive-bombing pigeons..but not the furry kind. I think they see them in alleys. Which I dont walk down alleys...umm hello, can we say attack?? Douche.

The President was in town today. I didnt see him. Thats ok though. I didnt vote for him.

The Sioux are in serious doo-doo with Parise leaving the team...sigh....

And I'm spent...

Open Rant to My Family...

2006-07-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

I just ranted and deleted the post. Rants about my grandfather and uncle and the way their petty bullshit is like a goddamn cancer spreading throught the family.

Rants about my other grandfather.

Said goodbye to my great aunt V who just passed away. Bless her soul, and screw her family to hell for not giving her a proper funeral.

Rants about my sister...

I dont feel any better about this....

My face is wet from tears that I've been cryin non-stop for the last 2 hours as I have written and deleted all this...

I wanted to publish it, but somehow it seemed like it was a bit too much information to be out there for any average asshole to read...not that I know many average assholes that would be inclined to read this thing....I'm sure there aren't many...but even my good friends dont have to be subjected to this crap.

Can I just fly away....I dont care where my wings take me...

So long as its far away from here...

And there...

And from them.

I would just like to send a big fucking hallmark card that says get a clue assholes...but i dont...hallmark doesnt make cards like that.

They make cards for special things, like birthday and holidays. And its all sunshine and daisies and cute bunnies in Hallmarks world. Even the So Sorry For Your Loss cards are crap.

So a Hallmark card would do shit and not make me feel any better.

And it wouldnt send the clue I wanted.

I think I care too much.

About stuff that needs worrying

But not this much pain.

Well maybe it does.

I dont know...

They say God doesnt give us more than we can handle.

Well ya know what

God?

I'm kinda tired of everything right now.

You've hit us from all sides this year.

Could you send us a few of those replacement angels, because I think they originals are out smoking again.

My head hurts.

A lot.

Happy Independence Day!!!

2006-07-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

Photo from the SunTimes
Happy 4th of July everybody!! Hope you are enjoy the holiday and remember our men and women all around the world fighting for and preserving our freedoms!!

The annual Chicago fireworks show was on the 3rd at 930pm. It was over Navy Pier on the Lakefront, so a few of my classmates and I parked our butts at the Adler Planetarium for the day. We had a tent, snacks and homemade sangria. It was a really nice afternoon and we just hung out and waited for the show.

A couple was married at the Adler today in an outdoor ceremony. It was VERY upscale and forma. Everybody had suits and fancy cocktail dresses. And there were no children other than the flower girl. It seemed very impersonal to me with all the people that were down there waiting for the fireworks show. Oh and their music selection was the ODDEST selection I have ever heard. It sounded like the Cure at one point and then there was some reggae...this was before the Bride came out. Then she was ready to come out and they had a recording of the Bridal March which went to hell and didnt work. So they came up with quick thinking and she walked out to....The Star Wars Theme!!! Oh my gaaawd....I would have been sooooo pissed off. She handled it gracefully though, but it was a very strange and very short ceremony. It was also really humid today...yet another reason I dont want a summer wedding...

It was a great fireworks show, probably the best I've seen other than the New Years Eve fireworks I witnessed at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. What was really cool is that the skyline is sort of panoramic at the Adler so I could see the entire skyline from where we were sitting. The other really cool part was all the boats on the water. After the sun went down, the skyline was lit up and it seemed like the entire lake was covered in lights from all the boats. All in all, a good 4th of July celebration.

And now...The Star Spangled Banner...

Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Happy Canada Day!!!!

2006-07-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

O Canada! Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!

Ô Canada! Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

The Dave Matthews Band Bitchin Road Trip 2006

2006-07-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

So we didn't really drive 10 hours like we have in the past but I still had to take the Amtrak to Milwaukee and rent a car...and we STILL have to drive 37 minutes (37 glorious, wonderful, faaabulous minutes) to Alpine Valley..SO its still a road trip. We're minus one roadie this year as J Hans didnt make the trek across Wisconsin (really, who can blame her) and so its EmmyLou and I in all our glory.

We went to Summerfest last night. Lots of music, good bands (think, Tom Petty, Pearl Jam, Foreigner, Lynard Skynard, Los Lonely Boys, plus a buncha others), foooood, and walking around. We saw Lynard Skynard...well ok so we didnt SEE them persay but we did HEAR them...and they sang Free Bird (duh), but now thats off the list of things to do before I die..

So.

Today is Saturday June 1st 2006 and we will be traveling to the Music Mecca's of all Music Mecca's to listen to the greatest live show in existence. We are sooo excited!!!!

Yeah Dave!!!

Bad Ass Piano

2006-06-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I went to Millenium Park to watch the Monster Piano Concert. It was free and outdoors so why not right? It was AMAZING!!! They had 10 Steinway grand pianos and 30 musicians. They had 2 people to a piano, and for a few tunes they had 3 people to a piano or all 30 out there at once. They played some really great tunes like Ride of the Valkyries, 1812 Overture, Hoe-Down from Rodeo, Carmen, William Tell Overture and The Stars and Stripes Forever. I have NEVER seen anything like that before and it was really really neat. Amazing musicians from Northwestern University...hello Prodigies...hello I want to drool on myself...sigh. Unbelievable.

In other news, I went out last night with Ashley one last time as she was in town for the weekend picking up her stuff from her apartment. We had a grand old time at a few bars last night, dancing and such. We went to this bar called Shenanigans. Really loud in there, but after a few drinks we didnt notice. There were two guys there that I swear had been drinking since noon. And they wouldnt leave us alone!!! They kept grinding up on us from behind and touching us. Ashley got her boobs felt up; her boyfriend almost punched the guy. We physically pushed them away from us and I put my fist in the one guys face to warn him off. Nothing..nada...didnt get it at all. Then another guy wanted to dance so I'm like ok fine. So we danced and he did the SAME thing!!! Ok guys, I 'll dance with you but I wont grind with someone that isnt my boyfriend. I'll dance with you if you ask politely and not just start grinding up on me, thinking I'll respond. I'm not a club slore, so if other girls are doing it, dont assume I will. And that guy also tried to kiss me and I moved my face so he got my cheek. Goddaaaaaaaaaamn, I just want to go out, have a good time with my girlfriends and not get felt up. Seriously, guys have no clue how to treat women these days. Treat me like a lady damnit and if you're lucky (which none of them ever will be since I'm attached) you'll be treated like a king from me.

End rant.

I did drunk blog, but I took it down. Not sure why. It was funny, at least to me. Oh and Liz, loved the Four Play joke!! haaaaa, I would have totally lost it!!

My knee is swelling up again. I fell on it when I was home in May again (god I know ok...I'm a klutz) and now its feeling all weird again. Huge sigh. I hate having a dysfunctional knee. I'm pretty sure it'll never be the same again.

School is picking up now with more papers and projects and such. Which is good because I was getting bored for awhile. I know, Im weird eh? Some people enjoy a slow pace...not me, I thrive on stress I think.

The Dave Matthews Band concert is on Saturday!! Woooooooooooo!! I'll be on the Amtrak to Miller Town to stay with EmmyLou and whoop it up. This is like the highlight of my summer usually. This year its tied with the rents meeting in August. But aaahh Dave...how you thrill me so. Spring sweet rhythm in my head....

The concert yesterday only fuels my desire to have a keyboard. I really want a piano but thats not practical until I get a house with a piano room. Yes I'm having a piano room. It will be massive and octagonal with floor-to-ceiling windows, wood flooring and rich colors. And it will double as a library where I can put all my books and such. But I want a keyboard now!! I miss playing a lot.

Congrats to Miss Emily for taking her first steps! How exciting!!! I cant wait to have babies....

Did He Just Say What I Thought He Said???

2006-06-20T23:06:00.000-07:00

My professor said "teet" in conversation today. Regarding careers. "Teet." Honestly, I'm not even sure where he came in with this because as soon as I walk into this class, my brain shuts down and my ears close and I dont give a damn about his lecture. Did you know that children's chins are underdeveloped at birth because its easier to suckle and "latch on" to the breast? Ok, I dont have a problem with that statement, I can handle someone discussing boobies and suckling, but what I dont really get is WHY THIS IS RELATED TO CAREER COUNSELING???? And then...THEN, he goes on to say something about "the teet" and the whole class lost it. And we werent even listening until TEET came out of his mouth.

Hello, am I a cow?? That has got to be the most un-PC, old-fashioned name for a breast, boobie, can-cans, ta-ta's, titty or nipple ever. I grew up around farming folks as 3/4 of my family are farmers and only heard TEET being referred to the cow or the pig or the female mama kitty. Never referred to about a mother and her child and breastfeeding. The child does not latch onto a teet, he/she latches onto a breast. A breast. Not a teet.

Never did answer my original question though. How does this relate to careers??

Ok, so I just had to get that out. It was highly amusing and completely ridiculous and stupid at the same time. I think that psych people can and sometimes do have the most interesting conversations/lessons but this one really just blew me away.

And by the way...where did June go? Holy shit, didn't we just start summer??? Man...

One Word

2006-06-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

1. Yourself:
Loyal

2. Your Lover:
Sexy

3. Your Hair:
Ridiculous

4. Your Mother:
Friend

5. Your Father:
Rock

6. Your Favorite Item:
Joey

7. Your Dream Last Night:
None

8. Your Favorite Drink:
Wine

9. Your Dream Home
Cozy

10. The Room You Are In:
Studio

11. Your Pet:
Gizmo

12. Who You Are Now:
Adult

13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years:
Mom

14. What You Want in Ten Years:
Contentment

15. What You're Not:
Close-minded

16. Your Best Friend:
Em

17. One of Your Wishlist Items:
Peace

18. Your Gender:
Female

19. The Last Thing You Did:
Read

20. What You Are Wearing:
Blue

21. Your Favorite Weather:
Winter

22. Your Favorite Book:
Psych

23. The Last Thing You Ate:
Broccoli

24. Your Life:
Wild

25. Your Mood:
Unsettled

Tiger: International Woman of Mystery

2006-06-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Got my passport today. Woot! Will make travel between the Great North and the States much easier now. Which is what will continue to transpire for at least a little while longer.

Rumba accepted a job offer today in North Bay Ontario. Its a really good opportunity for him to get his feet wet and get an income. Its a computer tech job in the school district with a really good wage. I am slightly disappointed that he isnt moving here right now, but I am also very proud of him and happy that he is employed now. He's excited and starts Wednesday. We talked about it and we're not closing the discussion of him moving to the States. December is when we have agreed that we will really decide where we are going and where we want to get started. There are upsides to him staying there and getting employed which is what I'm looking at right now.

The apartment search is on. I'm getting help from Kristin and her parents on it, but its still frustrating. I'm pretty limited because of my lack of wheels which means I'll pay more than I would if I had a car. Location matters and prices go up because of it!! Boo hiss!!

School is busy right now. I'm taking three classes, four days a week. Its not so bad, just a lot of reading as always. Its also very boring for the most part. Its stuff I dont want to take and only need for licensure. Two classes I'll use for sure, even though one of those two still suck. The third is a complete waste of my time and money as is the professor. Probably the worst professor/class I've ever had to endure...and I've had some doozies.

I went to BluesFest at Grant Park on Friday with the Southern Belle. It was really fun, but it was also really shitty weather. Cold and rainy at times. The music was good though and I'm glad we went down there. We left the Fest and walked to a few bars. Had some appetizers and a few beers. Ended up staying out til 4am which didnt seem that late until I got into the cab to come home.

Well thats about it. Looking forward to August when I can see Rumba again. After that, it could be awhile before we see each other.

Take care

Weird...

2006-06-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Siren

2006-06-10T16:55:00.000-07:00

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Siren

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

Rouge Red

2006-06-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

You Are Rouge Red

Of all the reds, you are the most energetic and vibrant.
You never need to recharge, and in fact, you often recharge others.
Gutsy and brave, you've never let your fears stop you from doing anything.
You figure that life is all about experiences, and you'll always take that leap of faith.

What Color Red Are You?

Hopeless Romantic

2006-06-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is low.
This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..
It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.
In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

K. Hope Is Home!!!

2006-06-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Bluegrass Jump

2006-06-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

So last night as I was ready for bed, I turned on Craig Ferguson to see who his musical act was for the evening. It was David Lee Roth (front man for Van Halen until 1985) and he was singing "Jump." In Bluegrass. Yes. Blue. Grass. Fiddles, and banjos and shit. Blue. Grass.

Ok need I stress anymore how completely assinine this display of attempted "re-invention" really is and how completely disturbing the fiasco/performance was to watch? It was really sad to watch him clap his hands and stomp his feet in tune to FIDDLES for fucks sake with his short, old man hair, striped "I'm legit" shirt and very loose jeans (must have Spandex balls). "Jump" was Van Halen's 1st and greatest commercial success.

I dont feel the least bit sorry for Mr. Roth about his inferiority complex/competition with Sammy Hagar. It makes me cringe that one of the greatest guitar riffs was reduced to banjo-fucking-plucking and if Eddie Van Halen is sober right now, I hope to fuck he throws his Jim Bean bottle at David's oddly shaped head.

My entire early childhood was defined by that song. My parents bought the vinyl (yes vinyl) just for me so I could dance to it. My aunt and I would sit in my uncle's S-10 pickup and play the cassette over and over again. That song was undoubtedly my favorite and it was castrated in all its glory last night...to fucking FIDDLES!!!

Oh the HUMANITY!!!!

Félicitations Rumba!!!!

2006-06-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

Ok Ok, the secret is finally out!! After 7 long months of keeping it in, I have finally lived it. Thank gawd, it was the hardest secret ever!!!

Friday I flew up to Ontario to surprise Rumba. His mom and I have been planning this since November; the surprise was for Rumba's graduation from L`École des sciences de l`éducation de l`Université Laurentienne. I got into Sudbury around 11:00pm and his parents picked me up at the airport. We walked to his friend Fraser's where Fraser was keeping Rumba busy until I arrived. We got there and I hid behind a wall while they told Rumba to come upstairs. He saw his parents and brother first and then he saw me. His face was priceless; utter and complete shock. "What are you doing here?" and "How did you get here?" was all that he could say for several minutes; he was completely speechless. It was perfect!!!

The ceremony was Saturday morning and it was really interesting. The graduates marched in to the music of Bagpipes and the tune "Scotland the Brave." That was really cool. They also had a string quartet to entertain folks while we waited for the ceremony to start. It was a really small group of graduates that day as the university has about 8 different ceremonies for a week. The ceremony was also done in English and French with the speakers switching between languages throughout the ceremony. For the most part I didn't understand much when they switched to French, but was able to pick up a few words here and there. It was too long though as the honorary degree recipients were quite windy. What was neat about the ceremony was that each graduate had about 10-15 seconds on stage talking to the Madame President while people stood near the stage and took pictures. I was able to give Rumba a kiss on the cheek right after he recieved his diploma too after I finished taking pictures. They rounded up with a French rendition of O Canada and then marched out to the bagpipes playing Auld Lang Syne.

After the ceremony we went to Boston Pizza for lunch/dinner with members of his family. It was fun but for some reason I wasn't feeling so good. So I didnt eat much and felt bad that I didnt eat much of my meal even though I took it home. Cant help a stomach ache though. Saturday night, we fell asleep and slept til 930pm!! Holy...it was only supposed to be a short nap. At 1030 we went to a party that his classmates were having. Lots of beer, hot tubbing, swimming and a campfire. 95% of them were "Frenchies" so I had a very hard time fitting in as I didn't understand/communicate in their language. But they were very nice and did speak English at times, especially when they addressed me or Rumba. Some were cold towards me but I don't think it was a personal thing, I think it was because I was "different" and not part of the crowd. It was interesting to be there; Rumba was happy that we went and that I was there with him. Its nice to do these "normal things" with him that we dont get to do because of the distance and I know he loves it when we get the chance to do stuff like that together. Sunday we went to his aunt and uncles for a BBQ and Monday we just hung out and went to dinner. Tuesday I flew back to Chicago. It was a very quick visit and hard to leave...it always goes too fast but 3 days is definitely not enough!!!

Rumba bought a car--his grand maman's car. Its about 10 years old but in great condition with little mileage. It has only spent one winter in Sudbury as she was a Floridian snowbird for many years. It worked out really well and with great timing. Will make it easier for him to come to Chicago or meet halfway. We are still discussing him moving to Chicago. He has applied for a few jobs here but is still undecided on what is best. He's on the fence about visas and requirements for staying in the US long term. I think he's making it bigger than necessary but I do appreciate his concern and the fact that he is thinking it over seriously. I'm learning as I go here that I can't let the border heighten my anxiety or get stressed over it. Its just one small thing thats in our way but nothing we cant handle.

So anyhow, that was the big surprise. Most everybody knew about it anyways, except for him. I'm really impressed nobody spilled the beans about it and I know of a few people that came close, including me.

Rumba de félicitations, je suis si fier de vous. Je t'aime!!

Oh Say Can You See, By The Dawns Early Light.... O Canada, We Stand On Guard For Thee

2006-05-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

Now if this isnt the coolest freaking thing EVER, I dont know what is. If you don't get goosebumps, then get yourself a spork and eat my ass.

CanadiEns are an amazing group of people. Hockey fans are like no other. Just listen to them sing OUR anthem and then completely BLOW the roof off the Rex with the catchiest anthem of all time.

Hug Your Favorite CanadiEn or Hockey Fan Today!!

K. Hope

2006-05-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well Well Well...

2006-05-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have two drafts of Drunk Blog 2 before the actual glorious piece of prose that is published. Amazing...Its getting harder and harder to decipher too...

Well I'm back in Chicago...woo. It was a nice long break away from the city and school and I took FULL advantage of it.

So in my first week home I was in GF for random things...dentist eyes labotomy..no wait...my psycho aunt needs one of those. And then I drove to Canada to pick up Rumba at the airport. Yes 2 hours just for my CanadiEn...oh well, it saves some money. Its fun to drive with him too...we have our best conversations during long car rides. We went to J Han's dad's 50th surprise party...it was a great type. Mr. UPS is like a 2nd dad to me as J Hans and I have been friends for 12 years now. Then we were in WesFar for a few days during my birthday and spent time with my parents and such. Then we took a road trip through NoDak so that Rumba could meet the rest of the family. We stopped in Medina to see my Great Grandma H or Gramma Clampett as we sometimes call her (still shoots rabbits with her.22...freaking 85 years old and shooting out her patio door...holy hell). Its always nice to see her; I'm her oldest great-grandchild so we have been super close my whole life. Then on to Minnote (as Rumba calls it..silly French) to meet grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...whirlwind two days. He even met two aunts on my Dad's side that was kind of a fluke as they live in Ohio and Oregon and were up to visit at the same time. Didnt' see Crazy Mary Jo...damn...no not really.

Rumba and I came back to WFar to finish up our week together. We talked a LOT about him moving to the States this year so that we can end the distance and start working on our future together. More discussions to come but I feel really good about it and I think he does too.

K. Hope is doing great!! She had her heart surgery on May 11th and everything went well. She had a minor setback when her lymphatic system wasnt working properly and she was leaking chyle and formula near her lungs. Nothing that was life threatening but they had to sedate her for awhile again, put her back on the vent again and try to clear it up. But she's doing much better now. She hasnt eaten much at all really and her eating habits have been messed up several times throughout the month. AND amazingly she hasn't lost any weight. Still has her chubby little cheekers!! Rumba and I got to see her before as they were making their way to Minneapolis. Its such a scary, heart-wrenching feeling to hold her and watch her smile and say goodbye and then watch her go through all this. She's such a fighter and she's doing great; she's a real inspiration to me.

My sister graduated from high school on Sunday. Congrats to her. Saw lots of people I haven't seen in awhile at the party which was nice.

Started summer school on Tuesday. Taking 3 classes, 2 of which are not at all that exciting but necessary just the same. 8 weeks should go fast though.

Congrats to EmmyLou and the arrival of her new niece! How exciting!! Babies!!

Congrats to Liz on her new job!! Woot!! Good luck with the big move!!

Well I be off...there isnt much more to say. Will post a picture of K. Hope too. Later.

Take a Bus, Take a Plane, Take a Train....

2006-05-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Amtrak brought me home on Sunday. Nice ride. Rainy and cold as fuck on the train as always, but it went fast. Hard for 13 hours to go fast but it was on time which is always good. It seems that the train going west is on time usually but the train going east usually is not on time. Nice to be back. Whenver I come home, I cant get over how QUIET it is here. I listen to sirens and car alarms and traffic just about 24 hours a day, no exaggeration, and here its...silence...its nice.

Since I've been home, I havent done anything exciting which is fine by me. Been shopping and such with my mom. Came to GF on Tuesday for the dentist and eye doctor. Big thumbs down. Thats over for a year thank God. Went out with AvTrav last night. That guy is hilarious! He is a friend of my ex but him and I became friends after Andy introduced us and continued when Andy left. He's super nice and fun to be around and I always call him when I come home. We went for drinks last night and had some laughs. He works too damn hard, so I think he was happy to have a night off.

Patiently awaiting for Saturday and Rumba's arrival. I have to drive to Winnipeg to pick him up and then we'll come back to GF. J Hans dad Pete is turning 50 so we're going to a party for him on Saturday. Should be a great time, I love Pete. He's like a 2nd dad for me. After the party, we'll drive to Fargo and spend some time with my parents. I'm super excited to see him as is he. We'll get a good long week together.

Not much news otherwise. Lots of family drama which is oh so thrilling...and unecessary..sigh...selfish bitches...

Anyhow, will update later. K. Hope has surgery on Thursday. Pray for her please, she and her family need it....

You Dmn Tooton..Durnk Blod 2

2006-04-28T01:43:00.001-07:00

So i odnt have not fany survey tonight..jsut me typin about my nighe

S we diecided to let it loos tonighe shence he copulated our first full year of gad schioo/. annnd jts my birthdya on may 8th..and its Kelly's birhtday on may 11ht...and ashely is leavin gus tokorrow...sgih....and yeah...so we decide to go out.

first, evrybody cam eto my olace to drink a bit...we had a fewon the oorftop=...ash an di had kaluha and milk and the southern belle and kelly had champagne and jen had biere. that was funy but fuckn cold..well to them...im nodakian...its no cld.

so then we went to gibsons on rush...fantastic steakhouse. one of the top steakhouses in chicago. oh my god...lthe food and booz e wa aamazing. i ordered a new york strip and a glas of vine. it wqas fabu...and eveybody ate good..at 11:00pm we werere ready to leaf when the entire miami heat came in for super...se[t that that tool Shaq...didnt see him, oh well....we were told a bunch a famous people ominthere but we didnt care. hel i dontknow noboy famous. lindsey met us tehre too..i really lik her..she's so nice anf un to be arond.

so after gibson, we went to PS Chicago I(chicago is a had word to type...daamnnnnnlll) which I've decicdd is my favorite bar/dance bluc it chicago. its a reall fun atmosh==ere.the boucers are nice and the tender s are good too. do er ftsnk heavliy for a bit, dance..oh i got to dance to acd=c and shaira....yaya....and some men hit on us and lindsey too. they were stranthe but the gudyue taht lindsy wa talkin to was rel nice. so i saw anhow..

then we let....no tsure why..just decidedt o try a diff venu. went o Level. Hqateed. itl. Sll the pretty peopel in chicago with fake tities and ass and black/white clothes and fog and shit...and grey gose vokda..who the fuck drinsk that shit>.>??? and a slore wdancingksa on a box...with stripe tights and hotpants...what he hell??? weirdos.. so wewere here for an hor or so and left. then we wen to lincoln park to find a low key bar...

some chck tried telln me that she was 'quittin the bar scene'...and tat she hadntcome otu to theclubs for a month a half...ok motherfucker, 6 months is qutitin...not a month...dumb etrard....oh and this other hic was hanging all over his guy and isear i walmost say her ass......jasusy

walked up alinconl to gamekeepers and had one kre....few mkore guys wer hiton in us...had to rol my eyes or some shit like that...anywho..it was ver yinteesting...but stange...and itnesregnig...\\\\

motherfuckkn eail...damnbitcnt open it!!!

anhow...so im ome now..some ass called me Rosei...muterhfcuekr....hav eyou seen my pake ass...yeah thats right...im aole...mutherfcijerdfd ..

Birnye spears sucks balls..kevin feds...he's gors...and they'e on tv right no...and they isuck..

its late but he roo in stiinning....so im farid to aly down.

too mch wishikey..and iwnel......and haluha....bitches

im stired of anglinaa dnd brad...balh blah blah....

iu jstu rdroped dmy cake for my water bottle.

and i miss rumba....i wish he as here o dance with

m y am s are good..so is 3 musketeterrrrrs ..and chese..mmm cheese..i thin iw want to be a bealnereaa...but im not grafcule eught...and skinny too.

i tirec....it hin i migh go t bed now.....it loks coofortable and warm nad siftr. mmm, wish rumba wa her to share my soft bed wth...he wold warm t up too.

night ya'll,...mddfwe934u

Motivation Come To Me...

2006-04-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

Blah.....finals week. The problem with take-home finals is that I sit here and dick around for a few hours before actually getting shit done. Case in point: writing this aimless, retarded post when I could be writing up the rest of my research methods paper. Yeah...Well I have two papers down so far. If I get this goddamn waste of my freaking-ass time research blow-it-out-your-ass paper, then I only have two more to go. One huge, one not so huge..but two. Fuckers...

Not sure whats up with the horse but I find him amusing. As he is probably amusing himself in some manner. Either that or some fucker has a probe up his behind checking his fahrenheit...

Ten more feet. Thats all I want...and another bookshelf so I dont have to put my novels in a box. I like having my stuff everywhere. It helps me think I'm home here but then it looks like a fucking cluttered mess. Fabulous.

As was the case last semester, there is shit everywhere and if were to leave and come back and someone broke in and took shit in the interim, I would have no idea.

News said it was only 45 degrees today. Probably another reason I stayed in...oh wait...the papers were the only reason.

I broke down and bought the new Shakira album and downloaded it from Connect. Its fucking amazing!! Even the CanadiEn likes Hips Don't Lie. Good man. If he's lucky, someday I'll meet Shakira and ask her to join us for a threesome. What a lucky bastard he would be...

Yeah right...as if THAT would ever happen. Anythings possible but then so is Paris Hilton developing the clap and I would be SHOCKED if that hasnt already happened. Seriously...what a slore.

And if it seems like I'm obsessed with Paris, I'm not. LiLo...now there's a winner.

Wow, I'm rude today.

I think its the fucking cabin fever over these stupid take home finals. I think I would much rather be stressing out over in-class tests than whacking off over these papers. Seriously.

Oh and I'm taking the Amtrak home on Saturday. Fantastic. LOVE the train, let me tell ya, so long as I dont have share my seat. I get a lot done on the train so it should be a good ride. Will bring the computer and a few divids to watch as well.

So I'm trying to the Matrix trilogy for cheap and with no luck. Virgin Records always has a boatload of divids and shit on sale for 10 bucks each. Plus I've been looking at Blockbuster too.

And I'm ashamed to admit that I'm going to listen/watch American Idol. Even though I hate tv in general, THIS is why I should have more than 3 snowy channels. Ryan Seacrest finally shaved that nasty-white trash scruff. Sorry, love the scruff on most guys, but not him. Maybe its because I don't like Ryan Seacrest and hope he falls of the stage and impales himself on Simon's bad temper. Oh and Andrea Bocelli is on the show this week. Fabulous. He's a freaking amazing tenor but seriously, most of the little teeny-bopper kiddies that vote on this show have never heard him and there's a good chance that no matter how much he sings Besame Mucho, his record wont be added to their collection either.

Go Andrea..knock out those teeny-boppers...would make the world safer.

Anywho, I've ranted enough. And said nothing...yessssssssss

Voir Dire

2006-04-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

Which is French for "to speak the truth."

I've spent the last several days grazing over this report for my Documents and Testifying Class. Its a psychological evaluation on an in-patient for his competency to stand trial. Basically we had to know this report and then testify on it today in a real courtroom with real attorneys and a judge. We were called in a completely random manner based on the order of our vitas.

Well I was called first...

Honestly I had very little anxiety about the whole thing. The only time it got slightly elevated was when I was with my other classmates in the hallway. And even then, I just had to focus myself and ignore most of their anxieties. And it worked.

So I was called to the stand and went to the wrong side of the judge. Not sure why, because I knew which side I was really supposed to sit. But the judge didn't care and he let me go there anyways. He raised his hand which I followed as if to take the oath and he said "eh whatever" and chuckled. He was a really nice judge. And the attorneys were fabulous too.

Voir dire for an expert witness is the process by which the attorneys can stipluate that the witness is an expert and their opinion should be heard in court. I was asked questions regarding my employment, schooling, research experience, trainings and other things that would qualify me as an expert in my field. Some of it was made up which made it really difficult to make up a job that has not existed and such. I did get to discuss my true experiences, such as my work with the juveniles and my education in NoDak. I also had to briefly discuss the confidentiality limits of the evaluation and the purpose of the evaluation. I went through direct and cross examination.

Overall I did a good job and felt confident in my testimony. I was happy to be called for voir dire because it's the easiest portion of the testimony. What was really good about the experience is that the attorneys and judge used legalese and the process was semi-formal in some aspects. I got some positive feedback from everybody including my demeanor and voice quality. They also offered constructive criticism to me and the rest of the group and gave us a lot of quality advice. It was a really good experience and I'm glad I got to do it.

My Stupid Mouth....

2006-04-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

Has got me into trouble again...

Sing it John Mayer...

Je plains mes mots ce soir. Ce n'est pas juste et vraiment que je n'ai pas voulu dire. Je sais l'homme vous êtes et l'homme vous serez et cela me fait si très fier de vous et vos acomplissements et vos rêves. Je vous aime très beaucoup et je vous manque. Seulement 19 jours jusqu'à ce que nous sommes dans chaque bras d'autres encore.

K. Hope Says Happy Easter!!

2006-04-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

Knock Knock! Can I play with you???
I am so hot!
Aaah, the day in the life of a diva. I cant wait until I can talk, I have so much to say!!
Do these glasses come in another color??
I feel pretty, oh so pretty...
Happy Easter!!

Crazy Cousins

2006-04-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

These are my fabulous cousins! M. Lynn is 9, C. Mason is 4, R. Cade is 20 months and K. Hope is 4 months. They're a wild bunch but they're great, great kids.
Fab Four again. Check out those smiles. Hehe, such happy kids!

Sober....

2006-04-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

Yes...I blame the previous post on the 3 glasses of wine I imbibed on from the bottle I shared with Southern Belle...before supper. I also blame it on the wine at supper, the 3 shots of various boozes and a good strong Crown mix at PS Chicago. And for a Monday of all days..wowza. Southern Belle got the internship she wanted so we went out for a celebration. Didn't think it was going to be THAT celebratory...but ya know...it ended up being a good night just the same. A little wild but that was expected with her I suppose. And a very expensive supper holy shit. We ate at Carmines on Rush and I ordered the Fettucine Alfredo, and ONE glass of Cabernet. Oh and the Bruschetta went on my bill too I guess. But...it was 37 freaking dollars and I gave a 1o dollar tip. HOLY FUCK. Absolutely WONDERFUL FOOD...oh my god, my stomach thanked me later...well not really, cuz the alcohol fucked that up, BUT it was still very very good. For damn near 50 bucks, I sure as hell hope so.

School is winding down very quickly. I have two weeks left after Thursday. Breakdown of projects:

Objective Methods--Final paper on the MMPI-Millon and SIRS...7-10 pages most likely and Im getting better at it so its not as painful.

Counseling Theory--3-4 page case paper using Cog-Behavioral therapy..I could wipe my ass with that and Cog-Behavioral is my theoretical stance anyways. Good ol Dr. W.

Documentation and Testifying--mock testimony this Wednesday..not worried, will be like Theatre class..my anxiety is not NEARLY the level of my classmates. Which is why I wont prepare with them like my prof asks...I dont want my anxiety to raise simply by being influenced by them. Also, after working with juveniles and what I encountered with them, lawyers dont scare me.

Research Methods--fake research paper and a final exam...exam could be iffy, its all on statistics and theory of stats...could get interesting. But then, he hasnt been too hard before so..oh hell its a toss-up.

Mental Health Law--two options...in class multiple choice or take home essay..our choice. I choose essay. Will learn more and the multiple choice midterm was harder than expected from this particular prof. Expect high A in the class, can do better on the essay.

Sex Offender--Final...not worried. Easiest class I have.

So all in all, it could be worse. Will have all weekend to get at least one paper done and work on my testimony.

Dr Phil just yelled at this guy's cellphone voice mail for making booty calls to one of his guests. It was funny for once. "STOP MAKING BOOTY CALLS AT 2AM!!"...baaaaaaaahaaaaa..reality therapy at its best.

Wow that was random...

Other exciting news is that I am coming home after school is over and Rumba will be coming on May 6th!! He'll be with me for my birthday and will be there until May 14th. I am super excited and so is he since we don't know if I'll make it to Canada this summer. Also hoping that he'll meet my grandparents and other family but it will depend on a lot of things. But at any rate, we'll have a good week together again!!

I can't believe my first year of school is over. Its unbelievable how fast its gone. I'm really happy with my progress so far and impressed that I've been able to handle it and the work. I still am undecided about Chicago and such. One of the most uncomfortable questions I get from people is "How's Chicago?" I hate that question. I love the city, and the fun things it has to offer and how different it is from NoDak. At the same time, I hate living here. I haven't had a decent sleep in Chicago since I've moved here due to the noise and the anxiety of living alone. I don't go out at night, its taken a long time to make friends, the crazies get more crazy, and its expensive as hell. I am moving to the suburbs this fall and while it will not be as easy to get to school and I'll have to do the commute on the train, I think I will enjoy and appreciate the city much more than I do now. Right now I live one mile from the Loop, 6 blocks from the Lake and from all the touristy stuff...and its not always fun. Chicago is a great city, its just hard to see it when you're smack in the middle of it all.

Ah well...I dont have much to complain about overall. Life is good.

Durnk Blog

2006-04-11T00:06:00.000-07:00

Yes...Drunk...thats what I ma...hkoleyy what a eve...

Here my post..enjoy

Last kiss? February 26, 2006...love you sweetie

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? with my hand...and then I wash it..how hard is that? you fuckers that use your foot have seriosu isuses...jus was the dmn hand after...phobic bitches...

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? always. dont like the idea of my bhead in the windshield

4. Do you have a crush on someone? hyes and he's canadiEn

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it: eye soloution

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? Dont care..Paris Hilton when she's fat and/....fat

7. Favorite pizza topping: i dont liek pizza...but sausage is good

8. Finish this sentence: if my life was a sitcom my theme song would be... fuckers fuckers Fuuuuckeeeeeersssssssssss

9. Do you pop your knuckles? occasionally

10.What song do you dislike the most when it gets stuck in your head? the wheels on the buss song...fuckers fuckers fuuuuuuckerrrrrrrrs

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? negative mate

2. What are your super powers?im a pain in the ass...thats abotu it..

13. Peppermint or spearmint? Peppermin....only way to make my sotmach feel better

t14. Where are your keys? dont know...will fin in the ayem

15. Who's answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear? fuckers fukers cufkcersssssssss

16. What's your most annoying habit? i eat my hands

17. Where did you last go on vacation? Canada

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it, who would it be?hmm....im a lover nog a figheter

19. What is your best physical feature? my cute little nose...and my lips...mmmm kissy kissyy

20. What CD is closest to you right now? The Killers...Hot Puss...or Fuss...aah hell..

21. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Coopers beer, organic eggs and baby gouda...mmm cheese..

22. What superstition do you believe/practice? dont beelieve in that shit...

23. Does size matter? OHell no...of course not. It's all technique, sweet cheeks...

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive? no...i dont use my chell phone in pubic...very bad thing..very rude and selfish...i dont carry int in pubc...im not imprtant enough

26. What are your favorite sayings? as if

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower? i dont sing...ever...

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?to see how old i lieve and hat i've accompished..

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie? who? oh that guy...umm...Air Force oNe...

30. What CD is in your stereo? i dont have a sterio

31. What OCD qualities do you have? watch me take a plane ride...all my OCD comes out then...and checking locks...and watsing my hands after getting off th buss....

32. how many kids do you plan on having? two or three...the CanadiEn wants a hockey team...we'll have to compromise on that one...

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be? Shakira...with Rumba's approval

34. Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know? no..not that knd of gal.

35. What do you do when no one is watching? pick my wedgie....haaaaaaaaaaaaa

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would play you? Paris hIilton..fat..

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep? peacrfully..i plan to liv emy life in a blaz of glroy

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most? the only canady i ever eat is M & MS...and Id ont depreive my selt

39. what is your favorite movie?silence of the lams

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? Dave Matthews Band, AC/DC

41. Have you ever been in love? yes...i love him now...love you forever mon CanadiEn

42. Do you talk to yourself? all the fucki time

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall of the face off the earth? yhsyd noy possible anyway...so nobodio

Fight On Sioux....

2006-04-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

K Hope

2006-04-02T22:04:00.000-07:00

Doctors say she's doing really well and the scar is the only giveaway that she has something wrong with her. She's will probably have her second surgery in mid-May to work on some veins that will help circulate blood into her upper body. She's a happy little girl and she's right on track developmentally. She's got them fat lil cheekers, you could just kiss and pinch all day. She's come a long way but she's got a long way to go. K. Hope is 4 months old now and she's doing fabulous. We're always thinking of you K. Hope..keep fighting beautiful baby girl!

Things That Make Me Go Hmmm...

2006-04-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

The fat ambulance Liz posted about on her blog...

The new toilets I posted in her post...

Why we can send a man to the moon and we can't figure out the weather...

If Pamela Anderson recognizes herself in the mirror anymore...

Why we care about TomKat, Brangelina, or Vaughniston...

And why retarded tabloid writers use retarded names for celebrity couples...

Toe cheese...

Yogabootyballet...and if you don't know what I'm talking about..google it..

Why skinny women try to sell exercise equipment to fat women that curse them out for never even needing the damn equipment they are trying to market...

One ply toilet paper sold in singles...

Ticket scalpers...

What are marshmallows made of and is it toxic...

Gangbanger kids that are scared of horses, but not guns...

Butt implants...

Penis enlargement junk mail...

Project heat...

The US goin to hell in a handbasket made by G Dubs in his underwater weaving class...

Final Four basketball...

Late night infomercials...

If antibacterials really work...

Who hired the sadist bus driver...

Tourists and where they all of the sudden get all their money...

Male birth control...

Shakira, Shakira....

2006-03-30T15:51:00.000-08:00

I think she is just fabulous. The woman has a great set of pipes, her music and lyrics have substance, she's unique and she is the hottest sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on. The way she dances, and moves those hips and the rest of her body....it is truly mesmerizing. I find her to be appealing in a realistic manner. She doesn't try to fit into the mold musically or physically like the rest of the pop stars today. I don't particularly care for her earlier music that hit the pop scene, like Objection Tango or Underneath Your Clothes because I think the radio just overplayed them all the time and it got old really fast. But last summer she came out with La Tortura video and it quietly made its impact on VH1 and MTV during the wee hours of the morning. Her and Alejandro Sanz did an amazing job. And crawling around a table or being drenched in black paint...thats hot. I can't speak a stitch of Spanish and cant understand a damn word she sings but I don't care. Now she has a new video out called Hips Don't Lie....whew...

If I had a thing for girls, I would do her. Totally.

Feels Like Home...

2006-03-29T22:15:00.000-08:00

I think thats what Love is all about. It just feels like 'home', like they belong, like they have been there the whole time. So I felt the night I realized I loved Rumba...

After a weekend of getting to know each other in person, showing him around town, dancing up a storm at the Rock, sledding or "sliding" as he calls it, watching movies and talking til all hours of the night, the week started and I still had work obligations. Not many because I asked for several days off while he was there but I still had trainings for my juvie job so I had to make that drive out to Crookston and leave him alone in my apartment. Poor guy! I felt really bad leaving him there but he was fine. He entertained himself while I was gone and didn't complain at all.

had a lot to be excited about while he was there. Everything that our relationship was about online translated to real life. And the best part is that there was this incredible attraction and chemistry between us. I think thats a huge advantage for us because we got to know each other before the other stuff got in the way. I think it makes our chemistry, spark, attraction whatever you want to call it that much stronger as it does our love.

But as I unlocked my door and walked in I saw him sitting on my couch, watching tv and having a snack. And it was at that particular, completely ordinary moment that it hit me. He's home here. On my couch, watching my tv, eating my food and smiling at me as I walk in the door. He was right where he was supposed to be. I knew I loved him at that particular, completely ordinary moment.

The rest of the week was just a whirl including a dinner with my parents, a Sioux hockey game and other fun stuff. Our last night together was the hockey game and after we went to Optimist park for ice skating. We were the only ones out on the ice just skating under the dark, starry sky. It was a beautiful night and it was snowing just a bit. I am not very good on ice skates and he plays hockey so it was quite a funny site. He didn't let me fall, we raced a few times and he let me win.

Per our agreement, we didnt discuss anything in the future during our trip except that we revealed our love for each other the night before he left. We both feel that our love was there before we met. It just seemed that we were given this out of the blue chance to meet and this is what it came to.

The day he left was one of the hardest days of my life. The goodbye at the airport was really really hard and I cried the whole way home and for most of the day. After he got home, we talked about it and decided that the long distance was tolerable and that we would work everyday to being together.

And that's what we are working towards, looking for, seeing at the end and the beginning every single day...home.

This Note Has No Ending...

2006-03-28T22:20:00.000-08:00

The Summer of 2004 I will simply state that I was an asshole from May until August. When you have a man break your heart, you do weird shit. Like drink heavily on your little brother's graduation (freakin grandma didn't want any wine and made me drink it all!), suck it up and fake happiness...ok so I didn't do that...well not very well anyway...be an asshole, drink some more, hit on people I shouldn't hit on and then finally cap it off with my own college graduation and crawling out from under the hangover. And throughout that awful summer, Rumba was there, miles away but there just the same. At this point, we were really close and talking every day, sometimes for hours. We would even fight. But we never signed off angry and always talked through disagreements or arguments.

By October 2005, Rumba and I were seriously considering meeting face to face, but we weren't entirely sure how to go about it. I was working full time and didnt have a snowballs chance in hell of getting away and he was a student with a spring break in February! Perfect! So then came the ultimate decision of our lives and we both just said....doooo it! So, he hemmed and hawed about telling his mom that he was going to meet a strange girl in NoDak while I pretty much avoided the topic with my own parents. I didn't figure they would take it too well when I told them a man was coming to stay with me for a week. When he finally told his mom, she was really super excited for him, helped him book his flights and was super supportive of his trip. They ALL wanted to know about me and why Rumba was traveling so far to meet a girl.

Meanwhile back in NoDak, I was trying to keep a level head about things and not get my hopes up or fall for a man I haven't met. And I was drinking again. I think I was having fun and at the same time I was teetering too. My friend Nelle and I were out partying every weekend with her husband's friends and they can get pretty crazy. She tried 6 ways from Sunday to set me up with her husband's brother and another friend in the crowd. Both were bad catches but I sure did play along and enjoy the fun. But I was drunk from November to January no doubt. I think it was a way for me to deal with the stress from work and lonliness. I had graduated and my friends weren't calling anymore. After her wedding, I stopped drinking and partying. Didn't have it in me anymore. Plus Rumba was concerned about my behavior, something we also argued over. But once again, we prevailed and he made me see the light. I figured I had it all in and it was time to get on with life. Plus...Rumba was coming!!

I can't tell you how excited and nervous and crazy we were in those last weeks leading up to our meeting. I had finally told my parents about him and that of course led to 100 questions leading up to his arrival. We were planning and talking and figuring out how it was all going to go. We were also anticipating what may or may not happen while he was there and how we would handle the consequences. We didn't know about a long distance relationship and how we could get through it together. So we just decided to play it cool, see what happens and not get too excited about anything while he was there. Basically to enjoy the moments and each other. But it was really hard to deny the strong feelings that we were both having for each other.

The day of his arrival he called me at 10am his time and was telling me he was burning a CD for me and that he was getting ready to leave soon. He said to look for a cute guy in a blue jacket carrying a red backpack. Of course we had been passing photos back and forth for some time so I knew who to look for. After we hung up, I rolled over excited about the cute guy in the blue jacket...and then fell asleep again. haha! After I got myself up and ready, I cleaned like a madwoman while my roomie laughed at me. She kept saying "he's going to say EH every few seconds and have this weird accent." Yeah maybe. Oh and I was chewing on my fingers something fierce. My already terrible nail biting habit escalated 10-fold that day. Plus I was being such a nerd and following his flights online. Everything was on time and I was just hoping that he didn't get lost between connections. He was taking 4 flights. From his hometown to Toronto, to Chicago, to Minneapolis to NoDak. He had a very long travel day from 1pm his time to 10pm my time.

Driving out to the airport was the longest drive of my life. It was dark, it seemed like people were taking FOREVER to drive and I kept seeing airplanes coming in to the airport (damn you avit people!) so I kept thinking I was late. Well I wasnt, and I arrived on time. I parked the car and walked into the terminal and paced. And paced. And paced. There were all these women standing around with their kids and they were watching me pace. I was staring out the windows willing the damn lights on the runway to start blinking. 9:50, 9:55, 10:00...lights on the runway light up.

I can hear his plane coming in and I'm starting to choke up. I can't believe he's going to be real in a few minutes. And then I see the plane land and a few tears fall as I smile with relief and anxiety and excitment. I wait patiently as a few people deplane and walk into the terminal. Most of them are GI's. Rumba is about the 6th person off the plane and I only see him after that. I don't remember any of the people at the airport. I can only watch him as he tries to find me with this big grin on his face. He finally sees me approaching him and he opens his arms to hug me. We hug for a long time and I say "I can't believe you're real." Both of our hearts are thumping through our chests and we got these ridiculously silly grins on our faces. He's shaking a little bit as we talk about his big day and continue to marvel at each other. We gather up his luggage and make our way to the car.

I forgot where I parked. Actually I'm pretty sure I never paid any attention at all as to where I put the Beast. Thank Christ the airport parking lot is like 20 spaces total so its not like we had to look very far. We were both so giddy and nervous we walked in circles for awhile til I found it. I just couldn't concentrate on anything at that point.

We stopped to pick up dinner at Subway (oh so romantic) and we went to his hotel room. He was staying there for the first 2 nights as a way to break the ice and such before he came to my place. We hung out in his hotel room and exchanged gifts that we bought. He brought me a Canada paperweight, a Dave Matthews poster, a beautiful print of two white tigers, a Wolves jersey and Sudbury Bear. I had a Sioux jersey for him, a Sioux hat, and two roses for him. We just sat there and stared at each other, trying to be sure it wasn't a dream. It all felt surreal to have that experience. The first night of our week was just a preview of our week ahead....

And On That Note....

2006-03-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

I'm crying. Because I had a really great ending to a conversation with Rumba. And I'm not sure why his I love you tonight hit me as much as it did because it wasn't much different from his other ways of signing off, but it did and I felt it from 600 miles away.

The night is the hardest. I would like to just be able to turn out the lights, roll over, throw my leg over his hips, put my arm around him and find his fingers laced in mine. I never take this seemingly meaningless few seconds for granted when I do get the chance. Hopefully I'll get to see him soon. We're pushing for May at this point when I'm finished with classes. I would love to be up there for a week or longer. Since I don't think the next possibility for a visit will be until August.

We have an exciting and stressful year ahead of us. I'm one year away from a M.A. and we're hoping he will be employed full time this fall. Of course, the teaching world is never a gaurentee but he has had numerous interviews since February so every little chance he gets increases the odds. August is the tentative "meeting of the parents" which is exciting and stressing all wrapped up into a big ol road trip. I do hope it goes well which I'm sure it will and that everybody has fun with it. Immigration madness should be starting too which will be the pinnacle of the stress mountain. I only hope both of us are sane when its all said and done.

You probably wonder why I call him Rumba. Well for anonymity reasons mostly but also because its the name of this stuffed tiger I gave him the first time we met. I bought it the night before his flight home. Rumba has a "home" too in a REA hologram cup that he bought when we went to the hockey game. I don't call him Rumba in person though.

In conversation with others, I usually refer to him as "the CanadiEn" or "my CanadiEn." I'm not sure why, its just sort of habit at this point. Its a term of endearment I say. People get a kick out of it.

Why I spell Canadian, CanadiEn. Because long ago during our first year of talking online, he informed me that the E is more proper because its the French spelling. So to make a point and for emphasis I just started spelling it CanadiEn whenever we talked thereafter. I type and write CanadiEn so much that I don't even notice it and actually correct myself if I spell it with an 'a.'

Nobody knew about Rumba for a year and half except for Emily. She knew pretty much right away about him. Even my ex-boyfriend Andy never knew about him. No particular reason except that I didn't want to have to explain why I was talking to a man I had never met. We were strictly anonymous conversationalists and became friends over time as we revealed more and more about each other. Rumba knew about Andy and was there throughout the relationship and subsequent breakup. I didn't tell Andy because I didn't think he would "get it" and probably get pissed off for no real good reason. I never "cheated" (how can you cheat with a person you've never met?) though. I think I mostly didn't tell anyone because its still a bit of a taboo in NoDak to meet people online even though we met on a completely random messageboard that was totally unrelated to dating. I don't think Rumba ever told anyone about me until he wanted to book his flights to NoDak.

I'll write more about that later. Right now I want to relish in his I love you...and remember that he is always with me in spirit.

The Sioux Are Going To Milwaukee!!!

2006-03-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

YEAH SIOUX SIOUX!!!!!!!!!

And I will be there too...either at the games or drunk in a bar watching the games. But either way, I'll be there.

Sioux Rule, Gophers...Well They Just Suck

2006-03-24T22:47:00.000-08:00

SIOUX YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry but your Minnesota Golden Chokers can not be reached at this time. They are sitting at Blarney' pub drowning their season and their pathetic loss to an inferior team. If you are trying to reach Ryan Potulny or Danny Irmen so they can sign their NHL contracts, check back later; they still need a Ring. Your over-rated Phil Kessel will be having a press conference tomorrow to turn over his Rookie of the Year award to T.J. Oshie. If you can find Kellen Briggs' jock, that would be great; we'd like to burn it in ritual.

People Should...

2006-03-23T12:16:00.000-08:00

Be happy for someone's achievements and dreams instead of being hostile and cynical and jealous...

That's all I have to say...

I Think Therefore...

2006-03-21T23:11:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't had much happen and thus not much to write/update about lately either. Keeping busy with school and such but its nothing too stressful. Just taking one project at a time until its done.

I bought this fantastic cocktail dress on Friday. I have no idea when I'll wear it but it was too good of a deal to pass up. Biggest impulse buy EVER. I told Rumba we are so doing a fancy dress up night.

My neighbors have been very noisy lately. They're banging around or slamming doors or having parties into the night. Last Friday night/Saturday am around 4, this asshole was literally slamming his hand on my neighbors door trying to rouse her. Dude, you must have pissed her off or something so leave her alone and go home. Fat drunk and stupid is now way to go through life (yay Animal House!).

Oh, last Friday we went to the Hawks game and wandered around in the ghetto for an hour after the game trying to get a cab. Yeah, real smart folks. 3 single white females (one of whom was canned off her ass--not me) wandering around a questionable part of downtown Chicago. Worst part...5 groups of all men taking the cabs before us. Whatever happened to chivalry? Instead we had some random mentally ill homeless dude yelling at every single car "helping" us. Wowza...next time we ARE taking the bus as planned.

A couple days ago this crazy got on the bus and started yelling about some type of injustice. I don't know, I had my MP3 player cranked to Weezer. But its quite funny to watch...sad...but funny at the same time. Speaking of buses, the CTA bus workers might go on strike sometime in the near future. Faaantastic. Though I admit this isnt as bas as NYC striking. Its close but many people in Chicago have cars whereas dang near nobody in NYC has a vehicle. And the El would supposedly still be operating as the El train operators are not in the same union as the bus workers...hmm...little strange but whatever. So I might find my ass walking...which is fine but thank goodness winter is on the downward spiral.

My friend Emmy Lou got ripped off last week. Stupid Milwaukee indigents!! She's trying to help (unpaid help by the damn way) your sorry asses and thats how you repay her? By stealing her purse, the whole 7 dollars she had, her id and a few measly bus tickets. I hope you use that 7 bucks wisely and not for some snort. Stupid big city bitches. Bitches I say!

Dave (yes we ARE on a first name basis) is coming to Alpine Valley July 1st and 2nd. Not sure if we're going yet but I imagine we have to decide soon as tickets go on sale April 8th. A few friends from school and I might also go to Fall Out Boy in Milwaukee in April. Transportation pending. I also tried talking the CanadiEn into an Our Lady Peace concert in Kitchener on my birthday. He said its something to consider, I say lets do it! I've been wanting to surprise him for awhile with tickets to his favorite band but I want to be able to join him too. The only thing is I have to fly up there. I hate flying. I am a self-declared OCD when I fly. I will only fly when necessary (aka, when my destination is Rumba's arms) but I can't stand it and it is the most uncomfortable experience of my life. I have definitely figured out why I hate flying too. Its a control thing. I have zero control over my life for the 1-2 hours I am on the plane and am basically entrusting my life to a some sadist I can't see at all. Ok...they're not all sadists. I know a few good pilots, hell I once dated a pilot. But if bus riding has taught me anything, it is that public transport folks are sadists...and I don't imagine the trend stops with some pilots. Amtrak has a few sadists behind the engine too, but at least I'm on the ground. They just like to make people LATE all the damn time..Anyhow I digress...a lot...

Speaking of airplanes...one crashed in Branson yesterday. Again...why do people LOVE flying? You have to get up or leave really early for the airport, only to stand in line and wait and deal with a pissy barely English speaking attendant who will reseat you in the back of the damn plane for no good reason at all except that they must know about your phobia of the back of the plane. The security line. Where you have to disrobe down to your knickers, turn around 3 times, cough, have your underwear and sex toys rifled through by gloved hands and then get all your shit together in 3.5 seconds because the next guy is waiting to put his clothes back on too!!! And THEN, you get to sit in the window seat (another phobia that damn attendant knew about) next to a really large sweaty business man reading the Wall Street Journal (dude, do you ever get any sex?). At this point, you're buckled in so tight your fat could be pushed to your spine and you stare at the EXIT sign above the flight attendant who is now telling you how to strap on those oxygen thingys JUST IN CASE. Oh and in that oh so cheerful voice, she's also explaining how to strap your ass to the seat JUST IN CASE we happen to crash over a large body of water. But the seat is absolutely futile in the event of a mountain crash. Faaantastic. Then the suspense starts. You roll out onto the runway listening for any "weird shit" the plane might be making trying to discern if this aircraft really was inspected prior to takeoff (as if you could really identify what the "weird shit" really is anyways). Takeoff sucks and if your belly fat isnt squished into your spine by the seatbelt, the force of takeoff has taken care of it for you. Once you've reached 10,000 feet you get ready for the juice cart. Bitches don't serve food anymore so you're stuck with stale peanuts or non-peanut product if you're allergic to nuts. I pity the bastards that are allergic to nuts...they get the short end of the shit stick. Not that you eat or drink anything offered to you because that would break your concentration on staring at any point other than out the window. At this point, you have chafed away the skin on your watch arm because you've checked the time so much waiting for landing. Oh and the business guy is eyeing you out the corner of his eye, wondering if you're going to have a full grown panic attack on his Wall Street Journal. Now for the climax (not the good kind experienced in the throes of passion) we have turbulence. Faaaaaantastic. My enthusiasm just went up ten-fold. Now we get to bump and roll (again, not the kind experienced in the throes of passion). I didn't pay for this!! I didn't fork over 500 bucks too much for a rollercoaster ride (I hate rollercoasters too by the way). And now descent...the best part of the flight. Descent, landings and getting off the plane are the ONLY things enjoyable about the flight experience. It is also the only time I look out the window. I don't know why either. Sometimes descents can be rocky but I just tell myself we're coming out of the clouds. Or maybe its a bit windy or something. But it only means we're going to be on the ground soon and...whew, we're on the ground. I can start breathing normal and work on re-distributing my midsection fat.

Bitches lost my luggage....

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

Hope you enjoy the holiday. I am part Irish so I'll be out celebrating tonight. They dyed the Chicago River last weekend so I missed that!! Bitches!!! But I'm going to see about watching the Sioux play today at Jakes and if not, well I guess I can handle a bit of bouncy ball...not. After which, me and two other gals from school are going to a Hawks game...they play the Ducks tonight. I'm excited because in case you didn't know, Brandon Bochenski has been traded from Ottawa to Chicago and he is already in the lineup!! Woot! It'll be fun to watch a Sioux play in Chicago now.

This week was fast and rather non-productive on my part. We all pretty much have this ok, bring on the summer thing, and we still have 6 weeks of the spring semester to fight through. Ya know, 6 weeks isn't that much either. Wow...

My family and I and Rumba have been discussing a road trip this August for Rumba's parents to meet my parents. Woo...eeek....sigh. Yes, it should be very fun and very stressful and very happy if it does happen to work out. The next time I go to Canada, his mom and I will work out the details and see if it will work out. I have a few ideas to make the trip a lot of fun and so that they can see parts of the States too.

I'm quite certain that I'll be getting that internship out in Woodstock. I went out there for a 2nd interview on Tuesday and I liked how the program works and how relaxed it is as well. I can't accept an offer for internship until March 27th but I don't think I have anything to worry about at this point. Great for me. It starts in September and goes until next March or April.

So thats about it. Nothing new here. Have a good Friday!!

Break From Reality...And Its Not So Subtle Return...

2006-03-13T19:53:00.001-08:00

Spring break was last week and I took the long train ride home on Friday. It was nice getting home and seeing my family again. I spent some time with my mom, decorating her new house and shopping. I then went to Minot to pick up my grandparents. I got to see my aunts and uncles and cousins too. Little K. Hope is getting so big! And her brothers are just wild too. Lots of fun!

Drove my grandparents back to Fargo because my grandfather had an appointment at the VA hospital for his cancer medication. It was nice to see them too. I sat with them when he was talking to the doctor too. It was a very hard morning for me. It made me realize how much time has passed and how little time we may have left. He has a nasty disease and it can turn at any time. Then my grandfather was mentioning how they might be selling the farm. I just can't imagine not having the farm anymore. Some of my happiest and best memories are on the farm with them. Its just all around difficult.

I have an aunt that had a stroke recently too. And now my uncle just doesnt know what to do with himself. Its hard watching your family age. All apart of growing up I guess.

Went to two hockey games this weekend. That was really exciting. Glad I got to see the Sioux play this year. Now onto the Final Five. Oh and in a surprising twist, those no-good dirty bastard hacks from DU were eliminated by Duluth. Yay Duluth!

The train ride back to Chicago was ridiculous. The train was 5 hours late getting into Fargo in the first place. Apparently they had engine trouble in Montana. And THEN, a prostitute was in the sleeper car with a "customer" that was supposedly stealing her money. So they made a huge ruckus in Minot and that delayed the train another hour as they waited for the police. I was supposed to be in Chicago at 315pm...didnt get in until 1030pm. Aaack! But at least I got loads of Mental Health Law read while I was traveling. Ah Amtrak...how I love/hate you.

Back to school today. Didn't really miss anybody lemme tell ya. I have about 5 girls I can get along with on a regular basis. 80% of the rest can kiss my ass. The others...well they're ok. We aint close chums but they are at least tolerable. Some of my profs have been bugging me lately too. I'm just really really ready to be done. I'm ready to get out of the city and where Rumba is.

Where is you Emmy Lou?? Hope you're doing ok!

Well this post doesn't have much a point, more or less ramblings about nothing so I'll quit while I'm ahead. Hope ya'll are doing well.

Mush

2006-03-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

I love you honey. Je t'aime beaucoup mon CanadiEn.....

And So It Is...

2006-03-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

Hate midterms. Hate it, hate it. HATE it. Ok..I feel better.

Actually I complain a whole helluva lot less than my female counterparts. Its like one big sorority house with a few men thrown in as cabana boys. Honestly, I don't know how they do it. Complain I mean. Its just school people. You aren't even working full time with the real assholes yet. Come on, get some perspective.

At any rate, I need a break. From bitchy women. From this place. From my 500 square foot goddamn HOLE in the wall. I'm patiently awaiting 2pm Friday when I can board the Amtrak and settle in for my ride home. I still have a midterm, a presentation and a lecture to get through before then. Oh it wont be all fun and games. Have to bring some books along as well as my laptop so I can still get some work done. Fuck. Wish I was still an undergrad. You people have it so easy. No wait. I don't want to be in undergrad anymore. It was fun but I'm too old for that shit anymore.

Might also have a second opportunity for an interview at a different placement. I got a call today but it was VERY scratchy and hard to listen to so I'll have to call back in the ayem.

I need some inspiration. I feel very sludgly. Thats not a word but it is now damnit. Sludgly: to sit around and do nothing productive; feel sorry for self; to feel hopeless about retaining any semblance to old self. Ya know. I wish I just felt fucking normal instead of such a damn outcast in this big ass city. Rumba makes me feel normal. When he's here, I feel normal because he's just like me. Now that he's gone, I feel very very alone again.

I almost went to church on Sunday. Slept in instead. God I'm an ass. Another area I think would help me and yet, I think I'm afraid. Maybe I'm afraid its too late. Maybe I'm afraid of what He'll say or think. Maybe I'm afraid to find my old self. Maybe I don't know how to handle myself. Maybe I don't remember what its like so I'm just comfortable with how I am now. HAAA! Thats a lie. Comfort is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Its not comfortable to hate my closet and mirrors. Its not comfortable at all.

Sigh. I miss my CanadiEn. I miss my family. I miss my dog. I miss my friends. I miss myself.

Let The Races Begin....

2006-02-26T21:13:00.000-08:00

Let the races begin...

Midterms week people. Fan-freakin-tastic. Actually I don't think it will be that bad except that I'm behind in much of my reading and have a lot of catching up to do before its all said and done. I have two tests, 3 papers and a take home thats due after spring break. One of the three papers is done, technically one isnt due until the 23rd but she said we could hand it in before the break (haven't done that one yet, don't think I'll get to it) and the other I need to work on tomorrow (not quite sure how to tackle that one yet). More worried about my Monday exam than my Thursday exam. I was supposed to have 2 exams on Thursday but due to my prof canceling class last week, he moved it to after the break. So I guess it could be a lot worse. I've had a relatively productive weekend working on stuff.

Missing the man greatly but the LDR hangover isn't as bad this time. It doesn't get easier saying goodbye but it gets easier putting things into perspective and realizing that all the sacrifices, tears and sadness is going to be worth it later. Not sure about the next visit but hopefully it will be in May or June. Just have to keep counting down until school is over. Speaking of that, only a year and a month until graduation! Woo!

The knee is basically healed, just need to work on strengthening it. Don't have to go back to the doc anymore unless I have more problems. Thank god this crisis is past. Also been sleeping better too. Stupid meds. Stupid stress.

I bought two books at this cute little bookstore after my interview while I was waiting for the train back to Chicago. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest by Ken Kesey and The Night Trilogy by Elie Wiesel. I read Night, the first part of the Trilogy, on the train and I was bawling before I saw the skyline. If you haven't read it, do it and not just because Oprah says so. I'm currently working my way through Dawn, the second part of the Trilogy. I have always been interested in Holocaust history and such but I think everybody should read this book because of its raw display of the worst kind of humanity and the unbelievable spirit of those survivors. If you aren't moved by this story, you have no soul.

I'm going home on Friday until next Sunday. I was going to come back to Chicago on Wednesday but I figure there isnt any reason to come back so I'll just stay home as long as possible. I can't wait. I'm excited to see my parents new house, my dog and maybe some other family too. Also excited to hang out with my friends and maybe I can sweet talk my dad to taking me to a Sioux game. I am not looking forward to the cold weather though. Its about 30 degrees warmer in Chicago than at home. We have no snow though, so I'm looking forward to that!!! All in all, I'm super excited; its gonna be a long week waiting.

So my tv sucks and I am now getting only 3 channels once again...one of which is foreign so I can't understand a damn thing. They are all snowy as hell too and sometimes the sound doesn't work or they zap in and out. Glad my movies are here but daaaamn...I missed the Olympics (ok so Im not that upset but we did have to go out to watch the hockey games which was way more fun than trying to watch through the snow) and the finale of Dancing with the Stars!! Bitches!! Ok I'm pathetic but that damn show was addicting! Plus I'm getting into House lately too. I don't give a damn about tv, I just wanna be able to watch the news! Sigh...and try entertaining a tv-happy CanadiEn for a week with snowy tv. He was not impressed!!

In other rants, my neighbors have this thing with slamming the doors today. Not sure what the hell is going on but they were sure noisy today. Ok so we were noisy last week having one more person in this little space but still...we didn't rattle the walls or echo down the corridor.

Been in touch with my friend Lindsey again. Its nice to talk to her. We've been friends since 1st grade (wow, dang near 20 years..jaaaysus I'm old) and we weren't particularly close after I moved to GF but we've managed to connect every 6 months or so. I think there are different grades of friends...the best friend, the trio of friends, the friend you wish you talked to, the timeframe friend and the lifelong friend. Best friend would probably be Em and Nelle. The Trio would include Me, Em and Schill or Me, Nelle and Schill. I still wish I talked to Beth and Al-man. The timeframe friends are those you make at a certain time in your life...so all my band friends, woo!! And the lifelong would be Lindsey, followed by Em, Schill and Nelle. I think those 4 girls probably know me the best and stand by no matter what happens. I really miss you guys!

Well I suppose thats all for now. Gonna be a good week I think, just gotta take it one day at a time.

Final Thought:
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.~Honore de Balzac

My Blanket!!

2006-02-24T18:18:00.000-08:00

Me getting cozy in my new Montreal CanadiEn's blanket! Thanks honey! I love you!!
My Christmas gift that finally made it!! Montreal CanadiEn's blanket, big and fuzzy and warm!!

Sigh....

2006-02-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

I hate goodbyes. And crying. And looking down the hall as he walks away. And rolling over on the bed to his empty side....

New Look Ramblings

2006-02-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

So I decided I needed a new look. So here it is. Lemme tell ya...HTML sucks. Hard as hell to figure out and tweak. I won't be changing it anytime soon except the video.

School is ridiculous and I'm quite pissed off about a group project. Midterms are next week too. Eeek! I wish I could find that really good bottle of wine so I can drown myself after its all said and done.

I'm coming home next week too! Woo! Still not sure if it will be M or WF as my destination but that should be decided by next Monday. I'm just excited to get the hell out of the city and home again.

On Friday I had an interview at this internship site for youth. Its a cog-based program that is designed to restructure the thinking errors of juvenile youth...aka..lets change what you think so you don't fuck up your life. It went well and it sounded like she was impressed with what I had to say and pretty much offered me the the position. I'm going back in two weeks to shadow the day and see if its something I'm willing to do for 9 months or not. I can not actually commit to an internship until March 27th. I also may have more interviews too so I can't rule out the other options I have. I was turned down last week by one of my choices but I'm not all that disappointed. Rejection happens eh?

Speaking of eh, the CanadiEn is in town this week. He flew in on Friday evening and will be here til Friday. Its been wonderful as always since he's been here. We haven't done anything exciting. I'm still in school and having class and such so we've just been hanging out, watching movies and talking and just being. Its a good feeling to have him here with me.

We also got into this big discussion about me moving to Canada when school is over. I got a few things off my chest about some stuff and he was able to get me to re-focus on the good things about the big move and our future together. I get all stuck on the debt I have, the immigration headaches, and the job hunts in an uncertain job market (uncertain meaning a whole different country with different requirements and trainings, not necessarily a bad market for forensic psych). Yes there are loads of sacrifices for both of us but we're both making this a conscious decision. This man is my future and I'm so excited for whatever the future brings for us.

The Olympics suck and so does NBC and their coverage of the events. Boo hiss!!

Thats all folks...have a good week.

Happiness Is A Warm Phone Call

2006-02-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

This week has been a better week. Friday Em and Coop-A-Loop came into Chi-Town. Em from Miller Town and Coop from El Forko Grande for an ABA conference. It was really fun! Cooper is just a fantastic guy and I love Em to pieces. So after attempting to find a good place to eat on a Friday night at 730pm with no reservations in Chicago (hehe, yeah right) we went up to this Italian restaurant in Lincoln Park called O Fame. The food is so good! I was there on Thursday night for a birthday party for a friend from school and I had the Antipasto salad. Friday I had the Ravioli. It was awesome. Plus they have this great wine, Piramimma. Expensive but fantastic. Then we went to another bar on Division. Great music but none of us were in the mood for loudness. We tried to get into Jilly's but it was already packed by 930. So we just went to the booze store and came back to my place. I worked Saturday but Em stayed in town and wandered around. Saturday we went for supper at California Pizza Kitchen and then rented Red Eye. Definitely didn't help my fear of flying, haha! But it was a pretty good movie all around. Sunday we went up to Lakeview and wandered around. We ended up stumbling on a DSW shoehouse and a Linen's & Things. I found two pairs of designer shoes, Liz Claiborne and Frank Sarto, for 100 bucks total! Em bought a new pair of shoes, Rocket Dogs, too. I'm definitely going back up there, they had great deals on great shoes!! I also bought a 4 piece set of wine glasses and two candles at Linens & Things. I have champagne glasses my mother gave me but I wanted bigger wine glasses. Then we got on separate trains and Em went back to Milwaukee and I came back here to study. Overall it was a great weekend.

I also had my checkup on my knee on Saturday. Doc says the MRI is fine. No tears or major issues with my knee. He said to keep up with the medication and icing it to bring down the severe inflammation. So that was excellent news! No need for needles at this point or the dreaded surgery word. Just need to stay off it and get it stronger.

I sent my internship packets out on Friday and got my first phone call on Monday! So I have an interview set up on Friday out in Woodstock. This particular placement is an after school cog-behavioral therapy group for juveniles. It addresses thinking errors and reshaping the juveniles thinking patterns for offending. It interests me because I do enjoy working with youth and I think that if any future work with this population would include work like this instead of the hands-on supervising in residential treatments or correctional settings.

I quit my job today too. Had enough with the drama. Boss wasn't too happy about that but I don't care. So I'm living on student loans for awhile until this knee of mine is healed and the internship interviews are past and I have a placement. Its too hard to go to school for 3 days a week, work the other two weekdays and basically have no availability for placement interviews. If my boss was a bit more flexible (she was flexible but she was grudgingly) about things I might have stayed. Then again, the drama was enough to push me over the edge. Plus its shotglasses and t-shirts...not exactly a career maker.

School is going great. I'm a bit behind but I'm not worried about it. I went to court last week too. It was awesome. The TOP forensic psychiatrist was in town testifying for a serial killer's trial. The defendant was claiming insanity. Park Dietz's CV and credentials alone were unbelievable. He has interviewed Jeffrey Dahmer, Eric Robert Rudolph, Andrea Yates. He works with the FBI and the White House and the tv show Law & Order. The guy was just amazing to listen to as well. He couldn't be shaken on the stand and he was incredibly intelligent. Plus he was very amicable; he talked to the jury, not the attorneys or the gallery. I thought that was very appealing. The trial was really interesting and exciting too. Oh and the guy got convicted after only an hour of jury deliberation. It was a really cool experience plus I got one of my major assignments done for my documents and testifying class.

Valentine's Day was just another day for me. I talked to Rumba on the phone for about 2 hours and we just laughed the whole time. It was a really great phone call. He's coming on Friday to Chicago for a week too so we're both really excited for the upcoming visit.

Family is doing good far as I can tell. Parents are stressed out about the move and jobs and such but thats normal. This too shall pass. They are getting the house set up and Dad is settling into his job too. I hope to go home in a few weeks for spring break. If I don't get home, my mom might come here for a few days. I don't care. I just need to get the heck out of the city or have her come her.

Speaking of the city, I'm getting tired of it. I am so close to the action and the craziness that I never really get out of it. I love it, don't get me wrong. But I also hate it too. I'm more of a small town or smaller metropolis kinda gal. I can tolerate it and I'll have to for another year. I guess if I was a bit farther away from it all, I wouldn't feel so crazy.

This week has already been loads better than weeks past. I'm off those stupid steroids and that is a huge help. Its amazing what chemicals can do to your body! I'm also getting a bit more sleep too and that always helps. It was really nice to have my friends here too! Plus I'm excited for Rumba to be here with me.

A happy, healing Tiger

Because I'm a Romantic...

2006-02-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

Did you exchange Valentine's as a kid? Yes we always had V-Day exchanges in school.

Did you make a Valentine's box? Yes every year. A piano made of cardboard and tin foil was one and a big Snoopy doghouse was another that I remember.

Did you have a secret crush? Oh lord...way too many.

Did you ever get a Valentine from them? No

Do your parents/family give you a Valentine? Yes I always get a card from my Grandma M. and sometimes my parents give us a little something.

Do you wish on stars? I did for a very long time.

Are you a romantic? Yes

Favorite Flower--Stargazer Lilies and Roses

Favorite V-Day candy--Lindt truffles

Do you wear red or pink on V-Day? I don't make a conscious effort but it usually happens since I have a lot of red clothes.

What was your first Valentine from a SO? A dozen pink, white and red roses delivered to school. I was 17.

Do you like Valentine's Day? Overall, not really. Even when I'm attached I just find it to be a lot of pressure to do something I try to do everyday anyways.

What is your favorite love tune? Oh good lord....too many so I'll just pick the first that comes to mind...So Right by Dave Matthews Band. Oh and The Best is Yet to Come by Frank Sinatra...oooh and Restless by Alison Kraus...and oh oh!! Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts....oooh daaaamnit!!! This is an awful question to ask!!

What was the best V-day gift ever? Umm...an ex replaced my favorite Dave Matthews Band CD that I scratched when I was in Hawaii.

What was the worst V-day gift ever? An ex telling me he wouldn't lose me because not many guys like curvy girls...oh as if!!! You're outta here, ASS!!

The "perfect" V-Day gift--Just having Rumba here with me.

Plans for Valentines 2006--None as of yet but my CanadiEn is coming in 3 days and we'll have a mini celebration then.

Valentine's Day Trivia

2006-02-13T22:52:00.000-08:00

15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day.

73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.

Approximately 110 million roses, the majority red, will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.

Cupid, another symbol of Valentines Day, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards holding a bow and arrows because he is believed to use magical arrows to inspire feelings of love.

During the late 1800s, postage rates around the world dropped, and the obscene St. Valentine's Day card became popular, despite the Victorian era being otherwise very prudish. As the numbers of racy valentines grew, several countries banned the practice of exchanging Valentine's Days cards. During this period, Chicago's post office rejected more than 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were so indecent, they were not fit to be carried through the U.S. mail.

During the Middle Ages, the belief that birds chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day led to the idea that boys and girls would do the same. Up through the early 1900s, the Ozark hill people in the eastern United States thought that birds and rabbits started mating on February 14, a day for them which was not only Valentine's Day but Groundhog Day as well.

February 14, 270 A.D. : Roman Emperor Claudius II, dubbed "Claudius the Cruel," beheaded a priest named Valentine for performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius II had outlawed marriages when Roman men began refusing to go to war in order to stay with their wives.

Hallmark has over 1330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day.

In 1929 in Chicago, gunmen in the suspected employment of organized-crime boss Al Capone murder seven members of the George "Bugs" Moran North Siders gang in a garage on North Clark Street. The so-called St. Valentine's Day Massacre stirred a media storm centered on Capone and his illegal Prohibition-era activities and motivated federal authorities to redouble their efforts to find evidence incriminating enough to take him off the streets.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts.

In Victorian times it was considered bad luck to sign a Valentine's Day card.

In Wales, wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

It wasn't until 1537 that St. Valentine's Day was declared an official holiday. England's King Henry VIII declared February 14th a holiday.

On February 14, 1779, Captain James Cook, the great English explorer and navigator, was murdered by natives of Hawaii during his third visit to the Pacific island group.

One single perfect red rose framed with baby's breath is referred to by some florists as a "signature rose," and is the preferred choice for many for giving on Valentine's Day, anniversary, or birthday.

Only the U.S., Canada, Mexico, France, Australia and the U.K. celebrate Valentine's Day.

Sir Alexander Fleming was a young bacteriologist when an accidental discovery led to one of the great developments of modern medicine. Having left a plate of staphylococcus bacteria uncovered, Fleming noticed that a mold that had fallen on the culture had killed many of the bacteria. He identified the mold as penicillium notatum, similar to the kind found on bread. On February 14, 1929, Fleming introduced his mold by-product called penicillin to cure bacterial infections.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

Teachers will receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

The 17th century a hopeful maiden ate a hard-boiled egg and pinned five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve. It was believed this would make her dream of her future husband.

The Empire State Building in New York City played a prominent role in the movie Sleepless in Seattle. This year 15 couples will take (or renew) their vows on the 80th floor of this famous landmark.

The first American publisher of valentines was printer and artist Esther Howland. During the 1870s, her elaborate lace cards were purchased by the wealthy, as they cost a minimum of 5 dollars - some sold for as much as 35 dollars. Mass production eventually brought prices down, and the affordable "penny valentine" became popular with the lower classes.

The first photograph of a U.S. President was taken on February 14, 1849 by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the famous picture. .

The first televised tour of the White House aired on February 14 in 1962. First Lady Jackie Kennedy hosted the tour.

The heart is the most common symbol of romantic love. Ancient cultures believed the human soul lived in the heart. Others thought it to be the source of emotion and intelligence. Some believed the heart embodied a man's truth, strength and nobility. The heart may be associated with love because the ancient Greeks believed it was the target of Eros, known as Cupid to the Romans. Anyone shot in the heart by one of Cupid's arrows would fall hopelessly in love.
Because the heart is so closely linked to love, it's red colour is thought to be the most romantic.

The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day.

The Kama Sutra is believed to be the oldest sex manual in existence. Generally considered the standard work on love in Sanskrit literature, the book is thought to have been written around 300 A.D.

The most fantastic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India. It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife, who died in childbirth. Work on the Taj began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years. required the labor of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia.

The oldest known Valentines were sent in 1415 A.D. by the Duke of Orleans to his French wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is still on display in a museum in England.

The oldest surviving love poem is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C. It was unromantically named Istanbul #2461 by the archeologists who unearthed it.

The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red stands for strong feelings which is why a red rose is a flower of love.

Valentine's Day is big business. Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year. E-commerce retailers expect to rack up about $650 million in sales of food, candy, flowers, and other Valentine's Day gifts. Of that amount about $350 million will be for gifts and flowers and another $45 million will be spent on food (including chocolate) and wine.

Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

A ring has been included in wedding ceremonies since the 12th century. Pope Innocent the Third ordained that marriages had to take place in church and that a wedding ring should be exchanged during the service.

K. Hope & R. Cade

2006-02-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

These are my cousins K. Hope and her big brother R. Cade. They are 15 months apart and they sure do keep my aunt and uncle on their toes! Not to mention their older siblings C. Mason and M. Lynn!! Four kids to run after, can you just imagine??? Never a dull moment that's for sure!

So what should we watch today big brother?? Hmm..how about Spongebob..I'll go get a snack. How you feel about mustard??? (Yes R is the mustard burglar!! My aunt had to go get a lock to put on the fridge!!)
Hehehe...stop tickling my toes..oh I can't stand it...heheee!!!
R, you have a funny face!! Push me again!!!
I'm so pretty I just don't know how I do it!

Magnets, Give Me Your Images

2006-02-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

So today was the big day. Had my MRI exam on my knee at 3:30. I got there at 3:15 and filled out paper work then shed all my stuff into a locked room. I did get to wear my own clothes so that was nice. No hospital gowns. Then this woman came and retrieved me from the TV room, explained what was going to happen and then strapped me in.
Basically I had to lie on this table and not move. She strapped my left leg down because that was the knee that was being examined and it helped so I wouldnt move. Then she asked if I wanted earplugs or music. Music please. Some craptacular rock station but I didn't care. Then the table rises and moves slowly into the machine. Since it was my knee they were looking at, I went in feet first. Thank God. I don't think I'm claustrophobic but I'm pretty sure that if this was a head first exam I would be freaking out. Its very very small. The table moved as far into the machine as necessary so my chest and head were still poking out. When the machine is idle it makes a noise like a washing machine. When its taking the images, it makes a lot of noise. Mostly banging and clicking and sometimes she moved the table in further or out a little bit.. It doesn't touch the body in any way though. Sometimes they give you an IV of a contrast fluid but I didn't have to have that for this exam. I couldnt move at all throughout the exam; movement makes the images blurry. The whole thing took about 30 minutes and I was out of the office by 4:30. I have the images and my doctor will get a CD ROM of the images by tomorrow. My appointment with him is on Saturday. So I have a boatload of pictures of my knee but I don't know what I'm looking at so its pretty much wait and see until Saturday.

In the mean time I'm contemplating quitting my shitty job in favor of another job. My boss is a child. A child. She throws hissy fits for no reason and I'm tired of it. Yesterday it was directed at me and ya know something...I don't need the bullshit right now. I don't ask for much, just a little bit of courtesy and understanding that I'm not at 100% right now.

I'm in a positive mood despite the unknowns right now. I figure I can't do much but accept whatever happens so I might as well roll with it.

Rumba is interviewing tonight for "supply teaching" or what we call substitute teaching here in the States. I'm excited for him. I hope it goes well.

Well thats it for now. I'm off to take the MMPI for a class. Ta-ta!

Not So Sinful, But Sinful Enough

2006-02-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

Steeler Superbowl XL Victory!!!

2006-02-05T19:09:00.000-08:00

Steelers over Seahawks 21-10. Great game overall. Very exciting compared to Superbowls in recent years. The commercials were pretty good and the halftime show was great as well. Its good to be a Steelers fan today!

Carrying Weight

2006-02-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

So...an MRI on Wednesday for my knee...faaaan-freeakin-tastic bitches. Doc says the steroids didnt work as well as they should have so here's a new less potent pill and get yourself one of them fun pictures so we can figure out whats really wrong here. Need to find out if there is a tear of some kind or if they need to stick me with a needle or other possible remedies. All the walking I do and riding the buses and trains does not help. Its very hard on my knees and I know that this is part of it. At the same time, I need to get this healed up so I don't have problems later in life.

So when I got home, I called my dad and pretty much lost it on the phone. I'm so stressed out and worried about my knee, school and everything else and I can't see straight. Then I was talking to Rumba and getting upset with him because I felt like he wasnt listening. Then I had to just calm the fuck down before I upset myself any further.

And then Rumba called me! He hasn't called me in months...I either call him or we talk online (plus we've seen each other more in the last few months). Normally I'm cool with this because he does live at home and it is his parents phone bill. They do so much for us already, helping us with trips to see each other that I don't mind calling him so its my phone bill. Then lately I've become such a damn girl about everything and started wondering why he never called just to talk or hear my voice. So then like an ass, I tested him to see when he would call me. And in the process upsetting myself. He didn't know any of this of course because I was being an ass and wouldn't tell him. Ya know...I create my own misery sometimes...and girls do this a lot and I'm normally really pissed off at those girls for playing games...well here I'm doing it too. And I also know that guys in general just don't like the phone. So anyhow, he called me today because I think he could tell I just really needed to talk. And I did! It made me so happy that he called. Hearing his voice is so soothing and he says things that always make me laugh and feel better. I am so lucky to have him. No more games though. If I want something from him, I just need to tell him because he can't read my mind especially from 600+ miles away and I only make it worse on me which is unfair to him. Honey if you're reading this...I'm sorry for being a girl and an ass...and thank you for being there for me and putting up with my tears and fears lately. I appreciate you so much. Nothing makes me happier than you and what you bring to my life I love you!

I bought some movies today. Sleepers, Wizard of Oz, The Thomas Crowne Affair and The 40 Year Old Virgin. Woo Blockbuster. Well I don't have much for tv so I watch a lot of movies. And I buy movies I can watch over and over again. So a little movie therapy was in order today.

My mom called me tonight too. So we reviewed the day and then we both just vented at each other about everything that is going on in our lives. It always feels really good to talk to my mom. She's my rock.

As for this week, its do or die time. I have lots of school work to do tomorrow and I have to get my cover letters written this week for all my information to be mailed out on Friday!! Eeek, did that ever come fast. Emmy Lou and Coop-A-Loop are coming to see me too so that will be nice. A friend of mine from school is celebrating her birthday on Thursday so a few of us are going out for the evening. I won't be able to drink due to the meds but it'll be a fun night I'm sure. And of course the MRI on Wednesday. Pray for me folks. I really really hope its just a matter of staying off it for a few weeks and medicating it a bit longer.

Currently Reading: Law and The Mental Health System..woo insanity defense! Go Crazies Go!

Currently Listening: Filthy/Gorgeous by the Scissor Sisters

Current Mood: Up and Down...looking for the light

A B C 3 89 73 D E 22 F G H 999 I 77 J K L M 12 37 69 N O P Q 26 155 R S 55 T 3 U 909 V W X 121 Y 88 Z

2006-02-04T21:12:00.000-08:00

A - AVAILABLE? for my friends and boyfriend, anytime
B - BEST FRIENDS: Rumba, Em, Nelle and Schill
C - CRUSH: The CanadiEn
D- DAD'S NAME: Bruce
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Rumba and Emily..its a tie
F - FAVORITE BAND: Dave Matthews Band
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: worms
H - HOMETOWN: Minot
I - IF YOU COULD MOVE WHERE WOULD YOU? Canada
K - KIDS: someday
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: GF to Chicago...for more reasons than just distance
M - MILK FLAVOR? chocolate
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS? two
O - ONE WISH: happiness in all my life's endeavors
P - PHOBIA(S): flying, airplanes and heights
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE: Your education is the one thing that can't ever be taken from you...Grandpa M.
R - REASON TO SMILE: My CanadiEn called me today
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Helena by My Chemical Romance
T -TIME YOU WOKE UP: 11am..missed my doc's appt
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I'm scared of the dark
V - VEGETABLE YOU LOVE: i've learned to like cooked spinach
W - WORST HABIT: nail biting
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: leg, wrist, ankle, and now...an MRI on Wednesday!! wooo...
Y - YUMMY FOOD: anything I can cook when I have the time
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus and very much so

Craig Ferguson, Dr. Phil, Geraldo, and Jerry Springer....4 Pinnacles of Entertainment

2006-02-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

What do these four men have in common you ask? Why, they are late night entertainment for insomniacs-r-us. Two normals and two weirdos all spun up into 3 hours of witching hour goodness.

Craig Ferguson is actually quite entertaining in of himself...his guests aren't usually anything to get thrilled about but I give him props for giving no-name bands to have a forum to play their music. Oh and in case you didn't know, he was on Drew Carey as well. Scottish men are hot too.

Dr. Phil...well I have mixed feelings on this guy. On one hand I completely disagree with his tv forum and selling his "psychiatry." I haven't read his books but I would imagine they mirror his show. However at times, he does give sound advice that makes sense and could be applicable to anybody and not just the sexless housewife he caters to on his show. I am neither sexless nor a housewife so I am not the type of audience his show is meant to entertain or therapize, but...ok its sort of how I feel about Freud. I don't agree with the guy but I can respect his ideas/opinions/contributions to the mental health field.

Oh Geraldo, so much to say, so little brain matter needed to say it. He has a new smut show out with all the pizazz of Entertainment Tonight and all the tabloid of National Enquirer. Shocking you ponder...I think not.

Jerry Springer...no I do not watch this on a regular basis. I happen to catch it by mistake when I'm "surfing" through my 5 snowy channels and it burns off my retinas when I see nekkid flesh for no reason other than complete gratuitous display. "Wooo (lifts shirt, no bra natch), check out my ginormous GG cup boobs...I am sooo hawt." "Wooo...(takes off pants, a teeny thong crawling up a huge crevasse of ass natch)...check out my 50 inch waist and fleshy tree stump legs...let me wrap these around your neck." Wow...za...

Oh the horror, the shame, the scandal!