Brought To You By The Number Four

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
Office Assistant
Cashier/Paint Mixer at Hardware Store
Real Estate Bank Bitch
Underpaid Juvenile Babysitter

FOUR MOVIES YOU WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
Apollo 13
Batman
Pearl Harbor
Miracle

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE LIVED:
A mobile home
An RV
North Dakota
Chicago

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
CSI
Cold Case
NCIS
VH1

FOUR PLACES YOU HAVE BEEN ON VACATION:
Hawaii
Florida
Canada
West Coast

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
M & M's
Potatoes
Pork Chops
Pasta

FOUR PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
With Rumba
In Canada
In His Bed
In His Arms

The Problem With Pink

Pink is an obnoxious color. Yes I do own a few pink items and occasionally find pink to be an endearing color. But it is obnoxious.

Pink little girls. Automatically from the moment they emerge from womb, kicking screaming and dripping fluids, little girls are socialized to wear and like pink and be all precious and yada yada, yank yank. My own mother told me that I was literally head to toe in pink for church a few times. Pink socks, pink lined diaper, pink shoes, pink dress, pink onsie, pink ruffled bottom, pink hat, pink jacket in a pink stroller drinking out of a pink bottle. I also had a pink bedroom with pink walls. My mother is not surprised that I don't like pink. No freakin wonder I hate pink! Put the girl in some blue. It ain't gonna make her a boy. No wonder Freud thought little girls all wanted penises...they got to wear better colors!!! Penis envy totally makes sense now.

Pepto Bismol is pink. Ever had Pepto Bismol? Ever had an episode that required Pepto Bismol? Is that supposed to be soothing to the eyes and therefore soothing on the bowels? What about pink cough medicine or antibiotics? I can't imagine any soothing qualities that pink may have on the body.

Pink Valentines. Who associated pink with the color of love?? I thought it was red. And I will ALWAYS object to pink M & M's except in the case of promoting breast cancer awareness.

A grown ass woman wearing pink. Blinding hot pink. And she isn't in a bar sloppin around and pickin up men A classmate of mine decided to fill this role today, hence my above discussion on the obnoxious qualities of pink. She came in wearing this blazing hot metallic pink winter coat and pink rubber boots (don't make me say that again). Her bag had pink lining and her mittens were pink striped. When she took her coat off, her shirt beneath matched. Halfway through class she pulls out this bright ass pink stiletto pump. What the hell? Shoes like that should be illegal. AND she paid $90 bucks for the damn things!! Holy hell, did she ever get ripped off. Seriously I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the lecture. That kind of thing (the jacket, not the person) should be asked to leave the room.

"Excuse me, could you hang your coat up outside? My retinas are burning off."

Growing Old/Up

So here I am, an old maid at damn near 24..haaaaaa....ok so not so much but it sure does feel like it some days.

Remember when you were 5 and your biggest worry was whether or not you could cross the street to your best friend forever and see if they'll share their neato toys with you? I always picked my friends for their toys...ok maybe not...but they had some pretty bitchin toys. Who knew that independently crossing the road at 5 meant so much more than neato toys?

And remember 5th grade when they gave you girls only or boys only puberty lessons and told you thats when you started growing up? Nobody told me I would be hitting puberty 3 weeks after the lessons...gee thanks, thats a lesson I could have used a little earlier perhaps. Now what the fuck is gonna happen to me? I'm getting boobs and hips and holy shit I'm dying because I'm bleeding like a stuck pig. They didn't really tell you it would happen like that...and it DID damnit!!

Puberty is definitely not growing up as they try to tell you in 5th grade. If hips and ass were the only thing I ever had to think about, I would be almost ok with that. Growing old/up is surviving high school and college and attempting to be a reasonable, functioning, producing citizen. But puberty sure did introduce stress which is a huge by-product of this whole growing old/up thing.

Growing old/up certainly doesnt happen without many a friend along the way. And enemies. I have a few of those too. Wish I didn't but hey...shit happens right? And stupid drunken nights. And cleaning up after stupid drunken friends. Ok so I only did that once but I did it because I loved the poor sap and felt really bad for him. Only love lets you clean up whiskey puke and make you wonder if you'll ever consume your favorite liquor again. But I think it was part of the whole growing old/up thingy.

Growing old/up shouldn't include sending friends overseas to fight for freedom. But it does and the growing old/up thing occurs during all the prayers, turning to something other than yourself, and the eventual safe or maybe not safe returns.

Growing old/up shouldn't have to include those nasty heartbreaks but unfortunately it does. What a bitch that is eh? All the more reason to drink a lot of alcohol for a little while. I think somehow all of our choices and happenings are inter-related to the bigger picture. So maybe breaking up with that one dude (who you cant remember his real name and just call him asshole because it seems fitting) led you to the next guy. And the next. And the next. And maybe there was a fleeting hope an attached lad or a good platonic friend would turn his eye your way...silly me....but hey, hope springs eternal until you fall out of your shoes and head first into a sweet little ditty. And of course, no one should take themselves out of the dating scene without having been dumped themselves. Boy is THAT ever a bitch eh? But the girlfriends that come by just for hugs and a mother that will cry with you, being an asshole for 3 months and then shaking THAT off (along with the hangover)...thats part of growing up/old too.

Driving 20,000 miles in a year just for a damn job. Fighting off weather and deer and drunks and speeding tickets. But doing it for a reason greater than yourself. To help make someone as good as you or better. To give them hope in life and make sure they keep it too. Thats growing old/up too.

Doing something completely out of character. So much so that your best aunt wants to personally kick your ass for even thinking about it. So much so that everybody is shocked by it. That it requires a 2 week grilling about details before the event. Even you can't believe it. But it happens. Growing old/up should definitely include this at least once.

Obviously leaving the safety of the homefront for adventures unknown is damn near essential for growing old/up. Not calling every 3 days for money, but calling cuz the whole freakin world is falling apart and you just need some reassurance that this too shall pass. Or calling just to hear your parents voice on the other side Doing it because it makes you a better person is growing old/up.

Falling in love. Real love. And its mutual. I need not explain the growing old/up part in this. Its self-explanatory.

So I suppose although I feel old at a youthful 24 I still have a lot of growing old and up to do. Anybody that says they're grown up at 13, 15 or 18 is full of shit. They don't know it but if they did, it would definitely help them understand why they feel so plugged up all those younger years.

I hope that when I grow old/up I do it gracefully and with mistakes. That I do good for others and also for me. That I do bad for others and also for me. That I go into debt only to work my ass off to get out of it. That I marry for life, love and friendship, not by pressure, conveinence or materials. That I have jobs I hate but a career I love. That I have a home thats rowdy, noisy, loving and not a house where a bunch of shit piles up and doesnt get used. That I still have my friends to help me devise a way take over the world. That I sow babies and I will not even try to be the perfect parent or feel guilty about it. That I can see and experience other parts of the world. That I get wrinkles and gray hair and bad knees and can smile about it. That I walk with my life partner to whatever that whole growing old/up thing is anyways.

And in the end, its not the years in your life that counts. Its the life in your years~ Abe Lincoln

Red Chunks

So I took a huge leap today and put red into my brunette locks. Its quite drastic. Its not a full on dye job but just red chunks or streaks throughout my hair. I think it looks pretty good.

Sometimes it takes a bit of change to make a change in attitude. I think it was just the change I needed to help me feel good about myself again. Gives life to my hair and style overall.

School is crazy ass busy. I'm trying really hard to stay on top of things but I feel like this semester is really short compared to last semester so it just seems like things are happening a lot faster.

Submitted my list for internships last night. I spent about an hour ranking and re-ranking my choices. Sigh. I'll probably end up in the suburbs...which is ok...in theory. In reality, it might really suck ass. Ah well. Nothing I can do now but wait.

Parents are the midst of moving to W Fargo and getting settled there. Still maintaining a place in GF until my sister is graduated.

My knee is still bulbous. Been taking the steroids and now applying heat after a weekend of ice. I don't have a very good feeling about this. Ah shit...

Well, nighty night. :)

Good News For A Psych Major-12% Abnormal

You Are 12% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Caution: Use Only Under The Direction Of A Physician

Yay for prescription steroids. We'll see how this one goes. My knee is inflammed and filled with fluid. Its not painful just not a good thing either. All of this is stemming from my fall from grace 3 weeks ago when I sprained my ankle. So we'll see how this goes. Have to go back on Friday for a checkup.

This week has just not been a good one. Every time I turn around I feel like I'm going to break down and cry. Last night I did end up having a good cry and did feel better. Amazing how that works. Not sure what my problem is...just one big funk thats for sure.

School is fine, just hectic as always. Lots of reading and such. Nothing too unusual.

My aunt is on a rampage again. What a bitch. I can't dignify her with anymore than that.

Well I'm off, have some reading to do on mental health law. Have a good day :)

Hockey Feistiness

I get feisty when it comes to hockey. This has progressed over the years as I have become more familiar with the game and have become a fan. Nothing brings out my feisty attitude like a UND/Minny, UND/Wisco and UND/Denver game. Well tonight we had UND/Minny part deux and thank God they won tonight. Its shitty getting beat by the Gophers, especially as badly as we did last night. But tonight they redeemed themselves and came out with a solid effort and a great win. I cant stand the Gophers and their bitchy, whiny, bush-league, no good, classless loser fans. I dont think that was nearly enough adjectives...

Why Wisco sucks...because they really have an inferiority complex and would rather be members of the Wisco Diving Team. Another reason why some people in California shouldn't play hockey..Robbie Earl. What a moron. Dude...skates and surfboards are not the same.

Why Denver blows...because they're cheap dirty cheating hacks and their coach is an ass too. The coach breeds cheap play in his players and complete disrespect for the game of hockey. And this guy gets Coach of the Year? As if.

I got really feisty when I was in Canada at one of Rumba's tournaments...and that was only amateurs! The intensity and excitement bring it out in me I guess.

I love hockey!!!

K. Hope

Girl, Interrupted

So I did some cleaning last Sunday, reorganized some power cords and such and in the process lost my internet connection. All I did was unplug stuff and put it back again. Aaaaahhhh!!! I immediately start twitching and getting pissed off. Called up Verizon and they'll be here Wednesday..great. Due to some stupidity on their part, they didnt get here until today! Its been a long ass week without it. And to go down just when I'm starting school too....but its back now and all is right with my world.

I started classes on Monday. I think it will be a good semester. One class on Mondays, two on Wednesdays and 3 on Thursdays. Very busy but good too. All my professors seem to be good too. Here's a quick breakdown:

Objective Methods of Personality Assessment: MMPI-2 overview, lots of reading and a few reports. Lots of books and extra readings as well. Professor is excellent but demands a lot from her students.

Theories of Counseling: Class #1 in the licensure requirements that I'm taking. This is my elective because the licensure classes are not part of the regular 50 hour curriculum. The first class was canceled this week so I haven't actually been there yet or met the professor. The syllabus doesnt look too terrible though. A 4 page paper, a presentation on that paper and two tests. Not too bad.

Forensic Documentation, Report Writing and Testifying: Same prof as Methods so of course lots of work and reading. At the end of the semester we'll go to the Dirksen Federal Building and do a mock trial with real prosecuting and defense attorneys and a judge. We'll get up on the stand and testify to a case that we write and prepare. Good hands on experience to use what we will learn. Nerve racking now but I'm sure we'll be prepared when the time comes along.

Research Methods: My eccentric professor Dr. H will be teaching this and I'm looking forward to it because he's such a nutball and a VERY good statistician and researcher. I expect to learn a lot from him, more so than what I learned at the U. The first lecture was about Galileo, Descartes and Lavoisier...who he kept pointing our their "knee britches" and how that was a sign of high society where scientists came from. He also talked about his beatnik parents, his hippie days and Jamaican accent (he's white and from NYC).

Mental Health Law: One of my favorite profs thus far is teaching this class. He's a lawyer and a LCPC and an all around classy guy. This class will probably be one of the more interesting this semester and at times I'll fee like I'm in law school.

Evaluation and Treatment of the Sex Offender: This will be, by far, the most interesting class this semester. Also an elective course, just for the fun of it. The prof works with sex offenders so she's very well read and experienced. It will also be the easiest as she just requires a 4-5 page non-APA paper on our "favorite" sex offender and a final exam. Lots of videos of sex offender interviews too. Interesting as well as uncomfortable at times too. This might help me decide if I want to work in the sex offender population or not.

So overall, I think it will be a good semester. I also have practicum stuff to work on throughout as well.

It was 57 degrees in downtown Chicago yesterday!! It was amazing. I wore my leather coat. Its January isn it?? Well today it snowed just a bit but not enough to accumulate on the ground. We're 10-20 degrees above normal temperatures right now and have been for almost a month now.

Still having difficulty sleeping. I hope this clears up soon. It really sucks.

Ah lets see. The Sioux play the Gophers in Minny this weekend. Wish I could find a bar to watch the games, but I'll be listening to the feed on my computer. Go Sioux! I work Saturday and Sunday and will be working on homework as well. Hope ya'll are doing good, I still read up on yous guys.

Bye for now.

Insomniacs Anonymous

This cat is awesome...this is exactly how I feel right now. And I will surely pull him out again.

I'm so tired right now. I don't know what my problem is but the last two nights I have not slept very well at all. Not good. Didn't get to sleep til 430am on Friday and it was a fitful sleep at that. Last night it was 330am. Both mornings I had to be up by 930am for work. This is so bad. Plus work is incredibly slow right now so we've been standing around for both days. I hope this reverses itself because I can't live like this. I NEED my sleep. I always have, ever since I was a baby. I can go a few days with limited sleep but if I don't get my sleep I literally become dysfunctional and useless. This can not start happening before the start of the 2nd semester.

In other news, my ankle is significantly better these last two days and I hope to stop wearing the bandage by the end of next week. I'm able to walk a bit more normal every day and the bruising and swelling have lessened as well. I've also been avoiding staircases...dang, that means no Red Line...so its been a cab to work and home these last two days. Its not too expensive but it will be nice to take the cheaper way soon.

LDR Hangover wearing off now. I miss him terribly as always but our next visit has been scheduled for February 17 so that makes it a little better. That is also the one year anniversary of our first official meeting in person. Well he actually flew to NoDak on the 18th last year...but I'm not going to be anal about it for this post. We wont be together for our anniversary but thats just how it goes. We'll celebrate early.

The Sioux lost really badly against the Seapups last night. It was an embarrassment. Now tonight, they dominated and win 5-0. This is a good thing. Lets not have the other teams in our house for the regionals while you sit in the nosebleeds mmm kay?

I'm starting to see spots...

.........................................................................................

Ok...I need sleep.

Random Rants and Ramblings

Oh the joys of a 10 x 15 foot box with a bathroom that is more like an indoor outhouse. Even more fun when one's walking abilities are limited.

Just watching DVD's all week with your boyfriend and sitting in comfortable silence is a good thing...until you're stuck in aforementioned box with indoor outhouse and don't want to watch the DVD's again.

By the way...DVD's have already been viewed at least a dozen times each in the last 4 months...

Funny Story: Rumba and I were sleeping one night and I was dreaming. I think I was fighting with someone and we got into a fist fight and she started choking me. Well as a result, I woke up hitting Rumba as hard as possible several times and scaring the living shit out of him. Two nights later, we're sleeping again. I'm half awake and turning over to face Rumba when he gets this manic terrified look on his face and starts hitting and pushing me and yelling "No get away!!" and damn near pushes me off the bed until I yelled his name at the top of my lungs to wake him up. Scared the shit out of me! How wacky is that? We determined (as in the past visits as well) that we totally need a bigger bed than just a full size. Queen...a queen bed would give us plenty of room to throw our limbs about without waking the other.

A little over a month until the next visit. Will be right during my midterms I think. Should be hectic but thats fine with me. At least we'll be together for 9 days.

PC People can eat me. Who gives a shit about everything all the time? Don't you have anything better to do? Yes you can be aware and unoffensive...but not to the point where you become offensive in the process.

Banks with retarded policies can eat me too. Wells Fargo sucks. End of discussion.

People that live amongst the roses and are critical of others choices, take note. You are not perfect. The way you do things is not necessarily the best way to do things. And honestly, if you think your life is perfect, you're likely over-compensating for a life that isn't as you want but are pushing it to appear in a certain manner to the rest of the world.

Fresh textbooks make me happy. I'm a big nerd and I happen to enjoy school so textbooks totally add to my beginning excitement. But as I was telling someone before, by March I'll want to drink myself comatose and they'll find me amongst the pile of crap that will surely gather around me during that last half of the semester.

I wonder why healthy food is so expensive and unhealthy food is so cheap when the Americans are all of the sudden to health conscious and are pushing to eat better? Come on now...lets make it easier to lose all the weight we've gained expotentially in the last 25 years.

The times they are a-changin...people need to learn to be more tolerant and accepting and openminded. So do I and I'm working on it everyday.

I get to go to work tomorrow...yes I'm almost excited because that means I'll have a reason to emerge from my box. And we're slow now, so that means I wont be doing much and still getting paid. But if the Bears win...oh lord...its like Sox Mania all over again!! :P

If I hear that Hollywood is bitching about poor box office showings again this year, I'll scream. Don't charge so highly for admission into a 2 hour affair and maybe..just maybe, you'll see an increase in earnings. Or maybe less crappy cookie cutter movies might make a difference too. Clearly something is broke, so fix it.

I need to get a passport. I really should get crackin on that this week. I think it takes awhile to get approved and I might need it sooner than I think. Who has 100 bucks for that though? I do because it will be necessary for my livlihood in the next years.

USA hockey fans should quit bitching about CanadiEn fans. You're just pissed that they are better hockey fans. Or US citizens should stop bitching about CanadiEn's period. I mean really...this whole big rivarly thing is mostly one sided to the hatred of the CanadiEns. In my times in Canada, I haven't heard them complain about Americans...but I always hear about complaints about CanadiEn's down here.

Is Paris Hilton really that important? Or Lindsay Lohan? Or the Olsen Twins? Or their rich Greek shipping heir boyfriends? Who gives a damn? What about Ariel Sharon? He's pretty important. Or those 12 miners? They're pretty important. Or the 130 people that died in Iraq today?? They're pretty important. Or the fire victims in OK, the mudslide victims in Cali?? The fact that Lindsay Lohan is getting so much 'shocking' press over something we've all known for 2 years and is as big and newsworthy as the aforementioned is a disgrace.

Anybody know the part in Moulin Rouge when Christian belts out "My gift is my song..and this one's for you" and all the Parisian lights start glowing. I would like to have that effect someday in something positive that I do.

A quote from a book Rumba gave me for Christmas: "For today, I want you to know that in addition to all the love I can possibly give, I promise to be your friend for as long as I live."

New Years and LDR Hangover

Hi all, hope you are having a good start to 2006. Me, I couldn't be better.

Ankle update: Still sore, not walking much. Was a bit too hard on it too soon so I'm paying for it. Keeping it iced and bandaged and hoping its significantly better when I start school on Tuesday.

New Years Eve was a great night. We went to this German restaurant called The Berghoff. We had traditional German food with me having the Weiner Schnitzel and him having the Sauerbraten. Excellent meal! After we walked to the Sears Tower. We went up on the skydeck to view the city at night; beautiful view. One of the guys asked Rumba if he was going to propose and of course he said no. I think that guy was a bit disappointed! After the Sears Tower, we went to Michigan Avenue for a carriage ride. Really relaxing, took us around the River North area. Then we walked to Jilly's on Rush, a piano bar. Fantastic atmosphere and music but the drinks were a bit steep and there were no tables available (difficult to stand with this bum ankle) so we walked home after one drink. We both decided that all the money that we don't have wasn't worth blowing it on cover charges and booze. So a $5 bottle of white merlot and a kiss at midnight topped off the night.

Rumba left today after being delayed a day due to bad weather in Ontario. It was great having the extra day together. Now that he's gone, its long distance hangover time. I alternate between lonliness to excitement, happiness to tears...it usually lasts for a week or so and then I get back to my normal self again. We're talking about our next time together being in February during his spring break. Thats not too far off; we're hoping this year will bring more visits and time together as we find more ways of transportation and him possibly moving closer to me when he's done with school.

I'm really looking forward to 2006. School is going great as I passed my first semester with all A's and 1 B+. Pretty happy with my performance and except to continue this semester as well. My parents are in the midst of a positive move for them, Rumba is graduating, our families will likely meet this summer...I think it will be exciting.

Currently listening: My mix on my new Sony MP3 player...thanks mom for getting my hints of the greatest necessity in city-living.

Currently reading: Anna Karenina by Tolstoy.

Currently wondering: Why do some folks feel their lives and paths are superior over others that choose different means??

Ta Ta!