Growing Old/Up

So here I am, an old maid at damn near 24..haaaaaa....ok so not so much but it sure does feel like it some days.

Remember when you were 5 and your biggest worry was whether or not you could cross the street to your best friend forever and see if they'll share their neato toys with you? I always picked my friends for their toys...ok maybe not...but they had some pretty bitchin toys. Who knew that independently crossing the road at 5 meant so much more than neato toys?

And remember 5th grade when they gave you girls only or boys only puberty lessons and told you thats when you started growing up? Nobody told me I would be hitting puberty 3 weeks after the lessons...gee thanks, thats a lesson I could have used a little earlier perhaps. Now what the fuck is gonna happen to me? I'm getting boobs and hips and holy shit I'm dying because I'm bleeding like a stuck pig. They didn't really tell you it would happen like that...and it DID damnit!!

Puberty is definitely not growing up as they try to tell you in 5th grade. If hips and ass were the only thing I ever had to think about, I would be almost ok with that. Growing old/up is surviving high school and college and attempting to be a reasonable, functioning, producing citizen. But puberty sure did introduce stress which is a huge by-product of this whole growing old/up thing.

Growing old/up certainly doesnt happen without many a friend along the way. And enemies. I have a few of those too. Wish I didn't but hey...shit happens right? And stupid drunken nights. And cleaning up after stupid drunken friends. Ok so I only did that once but I did it because I loved the poor sap and felt really bad for him. Only love lets you clean up whiskey puke and make you wonder if you'll ever consume your favorite liquor again. But I think it was part of the whole growing old/up thingy.

Growing old/up shouldn't include sending friends overseas to fight for freedom. But it does and the growing old/up thing occurs during all the prayers, turning to something other than yourself, and the eventual safe or maybe not safe returns.

Growing old/up shouldn't have to include those nasty heartbreaks but unfortunately it does. What a bitch that is eh? All the more reason to drink a lot of alcohol for a little while. I think somehow all of our choices and happenings are inter-related to the bigger picture. So maybe breaking up with that one dude (who you cant remember his real name and just call him asshole because it seems fitting) led you to the next guy. And the next. And the next. And maybe there was a fleeting hope an attached lad or a good platonic friend would turn his eye your way...silly me....but hey, hope springs eternal until you fall out of your shoes and head first into a sweet little ditty. And of course, no one should take themselves out of the dating scene without having been dumped themselves. Boy is THAT ever a bitch eh? But the girlfriends that come by just for hugs and a mother that will cry with you, being an asshole for 3 months and then shaking THAT off (along with the hangover)...thats part of growing up/old too.

Driving 20,000 miles in a year just for a damn job. Fighting off weather and deer and drunks and speeding tickets. But doing it for a reason greater than yourself. To help make someone as good as you or better. To give them hope in life and make sure they keep it too. Thats growing old/up too.

Doing something completely out of character. So much so that your best aunt wants to personally kick your ass for even thinking about it. So much so that everybody is shocked by it. That it requires a 2 week grilling about details before the event. Even you can't believe it. But it happens. Growing old/up should definitely include this at least once.

Obviously leaving the safety of the homefront for adventures unknown is damn near essential for growing old/up. Not calling every 3 days for money, but calling cuz the whole freakin world is falling apart and you just need some reassurance that this too shall pass. Or calling just to hear your parents voice on the other side Doing it because it makes you a better person is growing old/up.

Falling in love. Real love. And its mutual. I need not explain the growing old/up part in this. Its self-explanatory.

So I suppose although I feel old at a youthful 24 I still have a lot of growing old and up to do. Anybody that says they're grown up at 13, 15 or 18 is full of shit. They don't know it but if they did, it would definitely help them understand why they feel so plugged up all those younger years.

I hope that when I grow old/up I do it gracefully and with mistakes. That I do good for others and also for me. That I do bad for others and also for me. That I go into debt only to work my ass off to get out of it. That I marry for life, love and friendship, not by pressure, conveinence or materials. That I have jobs I hate but a career I love. That I have a home thats rowdy, noisy, loving and not a house where a bunch of shit piles up and doesnt get used. That I still have my friends to help me devise a way take over the world. That I sow babies and I will not even try to be the perfect parent or feel guilty about it. That I can see and experience other parts of the world. That I get wrinkles and gray hair and bad knees and can smile about it. That I walk with my life partner to whatever that whole growing old/up thing is anyways.

And in the end, its not the years in your life that counts. Its the life in your years~ Abe Lincoln