Let The Races Begin....

Let the races begin...

Midterms week people. Fan-freakin-tastic. Actually I don't think it will be that bad except that I'm behind in much of my reading and have a lot of catching up to do before its all said and done. I have two tests, 3 papers and a take home thats due after spring break. One of the three papers is done, technically one isnt due until the 23rd but she said we could hand it in before the break (haven't done that one yet, don't think I'll get to it) and the other I need to work on tomorrow (not quite sure how to tackle that one yet). More worried about my Monday exam than my Thursday exam. I was supposed to have 2 exams on Thursday but due to my prof canceling class last week, he moved it to after the break. So I guess it could be a lot worse. I've had a relatively productive weekend working on stuff.

Missing the man greatly but the LDR hangover isn't as bad this time. It doesn't get easier saying goodbye but it gets easier putting things into perspective and realizing that all the sacrifices, tears and sadness is going to be worth it later. Not sure about the next visit but hopefully it will be in May or June. Just have to keep counting down until school is over. Speaking of that, only a year and a month until graduation! Woo!

The knee is basically healed, just need to work on strengthening it. Don't have to go back to the doc anymore unless I have more problems. Thank god this crisis is past. Also been sleeping better too. Stupid meds. Stupid stress.

I bought two books at this cute little bookstore after my interview while I was waiting for the train back to Chicago. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest by Ken Kesey and The Night Trilogy by Elie Wiesel. I read Night, the first part of the Trilogy, on the train and I was bawling before I saw the skyline. If you haven't read it, do it and not just because Oprah says so. I'm currently working my way through Dawn, the second part of the Trilogy. I have always been interested in Holocaust history and such but I think everybody should read this book because of its raw display of the worst kind of humanity and the unbelievable spirit of those survivors. If you aren't moved by this story, you have no soul.

I'm going home on Friday until next Sunday. I was going to come back to Chicago on Wednesday but I figure there isnt any reason to come back so I'll just stay home as long as possible. I can't wait. I'm excited to see my parents new house, my dog and maybe some other family too. Also excited to hang out with my friends and maybe I can sweet talk my dad to taking me to a Sioux game. I am not looking forward to the cold weather though. Its about 30 degrees warmer in Chicago than at home. We have no snow though, so I'm looking forward to that!!! All in all, I'm super excited; its gonna be a long week waiting.

So my tv sucks and I am now getting only 3 channels once again...one of which is foreign so I can't understand a damn thing. They are all snowy as hell too and sometimes the sound doesn't work or they zap in and out. Glad my movies are here but daaaamn...I missed the Olympics (ok so Im not that upset but we did have to go out to watch the hockey games which was way more fun than trying to watch through the snow) and the finale of Dancing with the Stars!! Bitches!! Ok I'm pathetic but that damn show was addicting! Plus I'm getting into House lately too. I don't give a damn about tv, I just wanna be able to watch the news! Sigh...and try entertaining a tv-happy CanadiEn for a week with snowy tv. He was not impressed!!

In other rants, my neighbors have this thing with slamming the doors today. Not sure what the hell is going on but they were sure noisy today. Ok so we were noisy last week having one more person in this little space but still...we didn't rattle the walls or echo down the corridor.

Been in touch with my friend Lindsey again. Its nice to talk to her. We've been friends since 1st grade (wow, dang near 20 years..jaaaysus I'm old) and we weren't particularly close after I moved to GF but we've managed to connect every 6 months or so. I think there are different grades of friends...the best friend, the trio of friends, the friend you wish you talked to, the timeframe friend and the lifelong friend. Best friend would probably be Em and Nelle. The Trio would include Me, Em and Schill or Me, Nelle and Schill. I still wish I talked to Beth and Al-man. The timeframe friends are those you make at a certain time in your life...so all my band friends, woo!! And the lifelong would be Lindsey, followed by Em, Schill and Nelle. I think those 4 girls probably know me the best and stand by no matter what happens. I really miss you guys!

Well I suppose thats all for now. Gonna be a good week I think, just gotta take it one day at a time.

Final Thought:
A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.~Honore de Balzac

My Blanket!!

Me getting cozy in my new Montreal CanadiEn's blanket! Thanks honey! I love you!!
My Christmas gift that finally made it!! Montreal CanadiEn's blanket, big and fuzzy and warm!!

Sigh....

I hate goodbyes. And crying. And looking down the hall as he walks away. And rolling over on the bed to his empty side....

New Look Ramblings

So I decided I needed a new look. So here it is. Lemme tell ya...HTML sucks. Hard as hell to figure out and tweak. I won't be changing it anytime soon except the video.

School is ridiculous and I'm quite pissed off about a group project. Midterms are next week too. Eeek! I wish I could find that really good bottle of wine so I can drown myself after its all said and done.

I'm coming home next week too! Woo! Still not sure if it will be M or WF as my destination but that should be decided by next Monday. I'm just excited to get the hell out of the city and home again.

On Friday I had an interview at this internship site for youth. Its a cog-based program that is designed to restructure the thinking errors of juvenile youth...aka..lets change what you think so you don't fuck up your life. It went well and it sounded like she was impressed with what I had to say and pretty much offered me the the position. I'm going back in two weeks to shadow the day and see if its something I'm willing to do for 9 months or not. I can not actually commit to an internship until March 27th. I also may have more interviews too so I can't rule out the other options I have. I was turned down last week by one of my choices but I'm not all that disappointed. Rejection happens eh?

Speaking of eh, the CanadiEn is in town this week. He flew in on Friday evening and will be here til Friday. Its been wonderful as always since he's been here. We haven't done anything exciting. I'm still in school and having class and such so we've just been hanging out, watching movies and talking and just being. Its a good feeling to have him here with me.

We also got into this big discussion about me moving to Canada when school is over. I got a few things off my chest about some stuff and he was able to get me to re-focus on the good things about the big move and our future together. I get all stuck on the debt I have, the immigration headaches, and the job hunts in an uncertain job market (uncertain meaning a whole different country with different requirements and trainings, not necessarily a bad market for forensic psych). Yes there are loads of sacrifices for both of us but we're both making this a conscious decision. This man is my future and I'm so excited for whatever the future brings for us.

The Olympics suck and so does NBC and their coverage of the events. Boo hiss!!

Thats all folks...have a good week.

Happiness Is A Warm Phone Call

This week has been a better week. Friday Em and Coop-A-Loop came into Chi-Town. Em from Miller Town and Coop from El Forko Grande for an ABA conference. It was really fun! Cooper is just a fantastic guy and I love Em to pieces. So after attempting to find a good place to eat on a Friday night at 730pm with no reservations in Chicago (hehe, yeah right) we went up to this Italian restaurant in Lincoln Park called O Fame. The food is so good! I was there on Thursday night for a birthday party for a friend from school and I had the Antipasto salad. Friday I had the Ravioli. It was awesome. Plus they have this great wine, Piramimma. Expensive but fantastic. Then we went to another bar on Division. Great music but none of us were in the mood for loudness. We tried to get into Jilly's but it was already packed by 930. So we just went to the booze store and came back to my place. I worked Saturday but Em stayed in town and wandered around. Saturday we went for supper at California Pizza Kitchen and then rented Red Eye. Definitely didn't help my fear of flying, haha! But it was a pretty good movie all around. Sunday we went up to Lakeview and wandered around. We ended up stumbling on a DSW shoehouse and a Linen's & Things. I found two pairs of designer shoes, Liz Claiborne and Frank Sarto, for 100 bucks total! Em bought a new pair of shoes, Rocket Dogs, too. I'm definitely going back up there, they had great deals on great shoes!! I also bought a 4 piece set of wine glasses and two candles at Linens & Things. I have champagne glasses my mother gave me but I wanted bigger wine glasses. Then we got on separate trains and Em went back to Milwaukee and I came back here to study. Overall it was a great weekend.

I also had my checkup on my knee on Saturday. Doc says the MRI is fine. No tears or major issues with my knee. He said to keep up with the medication and icing it to bring down the severe inflammation. So that was excellent news! No need for needles at this point or the dreaded surgery word. Just need to stay off it and get it stronger.

I sent my internship packets out on Friday and got my first phone call on Monday! So I have an interview set up on Friday out in Woodstock. This particular placement is an after school cog-behavioral therapy group for juveniles. It addresses thinking errors and reshaping the juveniles thinking patterns for offending. It interests me because I do enjoy working with youth and I think that if any future work with this population would include work like this instead of the hands-on supervising in residential treatments or correctional settings.

I quit my job today too. Had enough with the drama. Boss wasn't too happy about that but I don't care. So I'm living on student loans for awhile until this knee of mine is healed and the internship interviews are past and I have a placement. Its too hard to go to school for 3 days a week, work the other two weekdays and basically have no availability for placement interviews. If my boss was a bit more flexible (she was flexible but she was grudgingly) about things I might have stayed. Then again, the drama was enough to push me over the edge. Plus its shotglasses and t-shirts...not exactly a career maker.

School is going great. I'm a bit behind but I'm not worried about it. I went to court last week too. It was awesome. The TOP forensic psychiatrist was in town testifying for a serial killer's trial. The defendant was claiming insanity. Park Dietz's CV and credentials alone were unbelievable. He has interviewed Jeffrey Dahmer, Eric Robert Rudolph, Andrea Yates. He works with the FBI and the White House and the tv show Law & Order. The guy was just amazing to listen to as well. He couldn't be shaken on the stand and he was incredibly intelligent. Plus he was very amicable; he talked to the jury, not the attorneys or the gallery. I thought that was very appealing. The trial was really interesting and exciting too. Oh and the guy got convicted after only an hour of jury deliberation. It was a really cool experience plus I got one of my major assignments done for my documents and testifying class.

Valentine's Day was just another day for me. I talked to Rumba on the phone for about 2 hours and we just laughed the whole time. It was a really great phone call. He's coming on Friday to Chicago for a week too so we're both really excited for the upcoming visit.

Family is doing good far as I can tell. Parents are stressed out about the move and jobs and such but thats normal. This too shall pass. They are getting the house set up and Dad is settling into his job too. I hope to go home in a few weeks for spring break. If I don't get home, my mom might come here for a few days. I don't care. I just need to get the heck out of the city or have her come her.

Speaking of the city, I'm getting tired of it. I am so close to the action and the craziness that I never really get out of it. I love it, don't get me wrong. But I also hate it too. I'm more of a small town or smaller metropolis kinda gal. I can tolerate it and I'll have to for another year. I guess if I was a bit farther away from it all, I wouldn't feel so crazy.

This week has already been loads better than weeks past. I'm off those stupid steroids and that is a huge help. Its amazing what chemicals can do to your body! I'm also getting a bit more sleep too and that always helps. It was really nice to have my friends here too! Plus I'm excited for Rumba to be here with me.

A happy, healing Tiger

Because I'm a Romantic...

Did you exchange Valentine's as a kid? Yes we always had V-Day exchanges in school.

Did you make a Valentine's box? Yes every year. A piano made of cardboard and tin foil was one and a big Snoopy doghouse was another that I remember.

Did you have a secret crush? Oh lord...way too many.

Did you ever get a Valentine from them? No

Do your parents/family give you a Valentine? Yes I always get a card from my Grandma M. and sometimes my parents give us a little something.

Do you wish on stars? I did for a very long time.

Are you a romantic? Yes

Favorite Flower--Stargazer Lilies and Roses

Favorite V-Day candy--Lindt truffles

Do you wear red or pink on V-Day? I don't make a conscious effort but it usually happens since I have a lot of red clothes.

What was your first Valentine from a SO? A dozen pink, white and red roses delivered to school. I was 17.

Do you like Valentine's Day? Overall, not really. Even when I'm attached I just find it to be a lot of pressure to do something I try to do everyday anyways.

What is your favorite love tune? Oh good lord....too many so I'll just pick the first that comes to mind...So Right by Dave Matthews Band. Oh and The Best is Yet to Come by Frank Sinatra...oooh and Restless by Alison Kraus...and oh oh!! Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts....oooh daaaamnit!!! This is an awful question to ask!!

What was the best V-day gift ever? Umm...an ex replaced my favorite Dave Matthews Band CD that I scratched when I was in Hawaii.

What was the worst V-day gift ever? An ex telling me he wouldn't lose me because not many guys like curvy girls...oh as if!!! You're outta here, ASS!!

The "perfect" V-Day gift--Just having Rumba here with me.

Plans for Valentines 2006--None as of yet but my CanadiEn is coming in 3 days and we'll have a mini celebration then.

Valentine's Day Trivia

15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day.

73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year. That's the largest seasonal card-sending occasion of the year, next to Christmas.

About 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets.

Approximately 110 million roses, the majority red, will be sold and delivered within a three-day time period.

Cupid, another symbol of Valentines Day, became associated with it because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards holding a bow and arrows because he is believed to use magical arrows to inspire feelings of love.

During the late 1800s, postage rates around the world dropped, and the obscene St. Valentine's Day card became popular, despite the Victorian era being otherwise very prudish. As the numbers of racy valentines grew, several countries banned the practice of exchanging Valentine's Days cards. During this period, Chicago's post office rejected more than 25,000 cards on the grounds that they were so indecent, they were not fit to be carried through the U.S. mail.

During the Middle Ages, the belief that birds chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day led to the idea that boys and girls would do the same. Up through the early 1900s, the Ozark hill people in the eastern United States thought that birds and rabbits started mating on February 14, a day for them which was not only Valentine's Day but Groundhog Day as well.

February 14, 270 A.D. : Roman Emperor Claudius II, dubbed "Claudius the Cruel," beheaded a priest named Valentine for performing marriage ceremonies. Claudius II had outlawed marriages when Roman men began refusing to go to war in order to stay with their wives.

Hallmark has over 1330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day.

In 1929 in Chicago, gunmen in the suspected employment of organized-crime boss Al Capone murder seven members of the George "Bugs" Moran North Siders gang in a garage on North Clark Street. The so-called St. Valentine's Day Massacre stirred a media storm centered on Capone and his illegal Prohibition-era activities and motivated federal authorities to redouble their efforts to find evidence incriminating enough to take him off the streets.

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In the United States, 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts.

In Victorian times it was considered bad luck to sign a Valentine's Day card.

In Wales, wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

It wasn't until 1537 that St. Valentine's Day was declared an official holiday. England's King Henry VIII declared February 14th a holiday.

On February 14, 1779, Captain James Cook, the great English explorer and navigator, was murdered by natives of Hawaii during his third visit to the Pacific island group.

One single perfect red rose framed with baby's breath is referred to by some florists as a "signature rose," and is the preferred choice for many for giving on Valentine's Day, anniversary, or birthday.

Only the U.S., Canada, Mexico, France, Australia and the U.K. celebrate Valentine's Day.

Sir Alexander Fleming was a young bacteriologist when an accidental discovery led to one of the great developments of modern medicine. Having left a plate of staphylococcus bacteria uncovered, Fleming noticed that a mold that had fallen on the culture had killed many of the bacteria. He identified the mold as penicillium notatum, similar to the kind found on bread. On February 14, 1929, Fleming introduced his mold by-product called penicillin to cure bacterial infections.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

Teachers will receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates, and family members.

The 17th century a hopeful maiden ate a hard-boiled egg and pinned five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve. It was believed this would make her dream of her future husband.

The Empire State Building in New York City played a prominent role in the movie Sleepless in Seattle. This year 15 couples will take (or renew) their vows on the 80th floor of this famous landmark.

The first American publisher of valentines was printer and artist Esther Howland. During the 1870s, her elaborate lace cards were purchased by the wealthy, as they cost a minimum of 5 dollars - some sold for as much as 35 dollars. Mass production eventually brought prices down, and the affordable "penny valentine" became popular with the lower classes.

The first photograph of a U.S. President was taken on February 14, 1849 by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the famous picture. .

The first televised tour of the White House aired on February 14 in 1962. First Lady Jackie Kennedy hosted the tour.

The heart is the most common symbol of romantic love. Ancient cultures believed the human soul lived in the heart. Others thought it to be the source of emotion and intelligence. Some believed the heart embodied a man's truth, strength and nobility. The heart may be associated with love because the ancient Greeks believed it was the target of Eros, known as Cupid to the Romans. Anyone shot in the heart by one of Cupid's arrows would fall hopelessly in love.
Because the heart is so closely linked to love, it's red colour is thought to be the most romantic.

The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day.

The Kama Sutra is believed to be the oldest sex manual in existence. Generally considered the standard work on love in Sanskrit literature, the book is thought to have been written around 300 A.D.

The most fantastic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India. It was built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife, who died in childbirth. Work on the Taj began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years. required the labor of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia.

The oldest known Valentines were sent in 1415 A.D. by the Duke of Orleans to his French wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It is still on display in a museum in England.

The oldest surviving love poem is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians, inventors of writing, around 3500 B.C. It was unromantically named Istanbul #2461 by the archeologists who unearthed it.

The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Red stands for strong feelings which is why a red rose is a flower of love.

Valentine's Day is big business. Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year. E-commerce retailers expect to rack up about $650 million in sales of food, candy, flowers, and other Valentine's Day gifts. Of that amount about $350 million will be for gifts and flowers and another $45 million will be spent on food (including chocolate) and wine.

Wearing a wedding ring on the fourth finger of the left hand dates back to ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the vein of love ran from this finger directly to the heart.

A ring has been included in wedding ceremonies since the 12th century. Pope Innocent the Third ordained that marriages had to take place in church and that a wedding ring should be exchanged during the service.

K. Hope & R. Cade

These are my cousins K. Hope and her big brother R. Cade. They are 15 months apart and they sure do keep my aunt and uncle on their toes! Not to mention their older siblings C. Mason and M. Lynn!! Four kids to run after, can you just imagine??? Never a dull moment that's for sure!

So what should we watch today big brother?? Hmm..how about Spongebob..I'll go get a snack. How you feel about mustard??? (Yes R is the mustard burglar!! My aunt had to go get a lock to put on the fridge!!)
Hehehe...stop tickling my toes..oh I can't stand it...heheee!!!
R, you have a funny face!! Push me again!!!
I'm so pretty I just don't know how I do it!

Magnets, Give Me Your Images

So today was the big day. Had my MRI exam on my knee at 3:30. I got there at 3:15 and filled out paper work then shed all my stuff into a locked room. I did get to wear my own clothes so that was nice. No hospital gowns. Then this woman came and retrieved me from the TV room, explained what was going to happen and then strapped me in.
Basically I had to lie on this table and not move. She strapped my left leg down because that was the knee that was being examined and it helped so I wouldnt move. Then she asked if I wanted earplugs or music. Music please. Some craptacular rock station but I didn't care. Then the table rises and moves slowly into the machine. Since it was my knee they were looking at, I went in feet first. Thank God. I don't think I'm claustrophobic but I'm pretty sure that if this was a head first exam I would be freaking out. Its very very small. The table moved as far into the machine as necessary so my chest and head were still poking out. When the machine is idle it makes a noise like a washing machine. When its taking the images, it makes a lot of noise. Mostly banging and clicking and sometimes she moved the table in further or out a little bit.. It doesn't touch the body in any way though. Sometimes they give you an IV of a contrast fluid but I didn't have to have that for this exam. I couldnt move at all throughout the exam; movement makes the images blurry. The whole thing took about 30 minutes and I was out of the office by 4:30. I have the images and my doctor will get a CD ROM of the images by tomorrow. My appointment with him is on Saturday. So I have a boatload of pictures of my knee but I don't know what I'm looking at so its pretty much wait and see until Saturday.

In the mean time I'm contemplating quitting my shitty job in favor of another job. My boss is a child. A child. She throws hissy fits for no reason and I'm tired of it. Yesterday it was directed at me and ya know something...I don't need the bullshit right now. I don't ask for much, just a little bit of courtesy and understanding that I'm not at 100% right now.

I'm in a positive mood despite the unknowns right now. I figure I can't do much but accept whatever happens so I might as well roll with it.

Rumba is interviewing tonight for "supply teaching" or what we call substitute teaching here in the States. I'm excited for him. I hope it goes well.

Well thats it for now. I'm off to take the MMPI for a class. Ta-ta!

Not So Sinful, But Sinful Enough

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Low

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com

Steeler Superbowl XL Victory!!!

Steelers over Seahawks 21-10. Great game overall. Very exciting compared to Superbowls in recent years. The commercials were pretty good and the halftime show was great as well. Its good to be a Steelers fan today!

Carrying Weight

So...an MRI on Wednesday for my knee...faaaan-freeakin-tastic bitches. Doc says the steroids didnt work as well as they should have so here's a new less potent pill and get yourself one of them fun pictures so we can figure out whats really wrong here. Need to find out if there is a tear of some kind or if they need to stick me with a needle or other possible remedies. All the walking I do and riding the buses and trains does not help. Its very hard on my knees and I know that this is part of it. At the same time, I need to get this healed up so I don't have problems later in life.

So when I got home, I called my dad and pretty much lost it on the phone. I'm so stressed out and worried about my knee, school and everything else and I can't see straight. Then I was talking to Rumba and getting upset with him because I felt like he wasnt listening. Then I had to just calm the fuck down before I upset myself any further.

And then Rumba called me! He hasn't called me in months...I either call him or we talk online (plus we've seen each other more in the last few months). Normally I'm cool with this because he does live at home and it is his parents phone bill. They do so much for us already, helping us with trips to see each other that I don't mind calling him so its my phone bill. Then lately I've become such a damn girl about everything and started wondering why he never called just to talk or hear my voice. So then like an ass, I tested him to see when he would call me. And in the process upsetting myself. He didn't know any of this of course because I was being an ass and wouldn't tell him. Ya know...I create my own misery sometimes...and girls do this a lot and I'm normally really pissed off at those girls for playing games...well here I'm doing it too. And I also know that guys in general just don't like the phone. So anyhow, he called me today because I think he could tell I just really needed to talk. And I did! It made me so happy that he called. Hearing his voice is so soothing and he says things that always make me laugh and feel better. I am so lucky to have him. No more games though. If I want something from him, I just need to tell him because he can't read my mind especially from 600+ miles away and I only make it worse on me which is unfair to him. Honey if you're reading this...I'm sorry for being a girl and an ass...and thank you for being there for me and putting up with my tears and fears lately. I appreciate you so much. Nothing makes me happier than you and what you bring to my life I love you!

I bought some movies today. Sleepers, Wizard of Oz, The Thomas Crowne Affair and The 40 Year Old Virgin. Woo Blockbuster. Well I don't have much for tv so I watch a lot of movies. And I buy movies I can watch over and over again. So a little movie therapy was in order today.

My mom called me tonight too. So we reviewed the day and then we both just vented at each other about everything that is going on in our lives. It always feels really good to talk to my mom. She's my rock.

As for this week, its do or die time. I have lots of school work to do tomorrow and I have to get my cover letters written this week for all my information to be mailed out on Friday!! Eeek, did that ever come fast. Emmy Lou and Coop-A-Loop are coming to see me too so that will be nice. A friend of mine from school is celebrating her birthday on Thursday so a few of us are going out for the evening. I won't be able to drink due to the meds but it'll be a fun night I'm sure. And of course the MRI on Wednesday. Pray for me folks. I really really hope its just a matter of staying off it for a few weeks and medicating it a bit longer.

Currently Reading: Law and The Mental Health System..woo insanity defense! Go Crazies Go!

Currently Listening: Filthy/Gorgeous by the Scissor Sisters

Current Mood: Up and Down...looking for the light

A B C 3 89 73 D E 22 F G H 999 I 77 J K L M 12 37 69 N O P Q 26 155 R S 55 T 3 U 909 V W X 121 Y 88 Z

A - AVAILABLE? for my friends and boyfriend, anytime
B - BEST FRIENDS: Rumba, Em, Nelle and Schill
C - CRUSH: The CanadiEn
D- DAD'S NAME: Bruce
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Rumba and Emily..its a tie
F - FAVORITE BAND: Dave Matthews Band
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: worms
H - HOMETOWN: Minot
I - IF YOU COULD MOVE WHERE WOULD YOU? Canada
K - KIDS: someday
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: GF to Chicago...for more reasons than just distance
M - MILK FLAVOR? chocolate
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS? two
O - ONE WISH: happiness in all my life's endeavors
P - PHOBIA(S): flying, airplanes and heights
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE: Your education is the one thing that can't ever be taken from you...Grandpa M.
R - REASON TO SMILE: My CanadiEn called me today
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Helena by My Chemical Romance
T -TIME YOU WOKE UP: 11am..missed my doc's appt
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I'm scared of the dark
V - VEGETABLE YOU LOVE: i've learned to like cooked spinach
W - WORST HABIT: nail biting
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: leg, wrist, ankle, and now...an MRI on Wednesday!! wooo...
Y - YUMMY FOOD: anything I can cook when I have the time
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus and very much so

Craig Ferguson, Dr. Phil, Geraldo, and Jerry Springer....4 Pinnacles of Entertainment

What do these four men have in common you ask? Why, they are late night entertainment for insomniacs-r-us. Two normals and two weirdos all spun up into 3 hours of witching hour goodness.

Craig Ferguson is actually quite entertaining in of himself...his guests aren't usually anything to get thrilled about but I give him props for giving no-name bands to have a forum to play their music. Oh and in case you didn't know, he was on Drew Carey as well. Scottish men are hot too.

Dr. Phil...well I have mixed feelings on this guy. On one hand I completely disagree with his tv forum and selling his "psychiatry." I haven't read his books but I would imagine they mirror his show. However at times, he does give sound advice that makes sense and could be applicable to anybody and not just the sexless housewife he caters to on his show. I am neither sexless nor a housewife so I am not the type of audience his show is meant to entertain or therapize, but...ok its sort of how I feel about Freud. I don't agree with the guy but I can respect his ideas/opinions/contributions to the mental health field.

Oh Geraldo, so much to say, so little brain matter needed to say it. He has a new smut show out with all the pizazz of Entertainment Tonight and all the tabloid of National Enquirer. Shocking you ponder...I think not.

Jerry Springer...no I do not watch this on a regular basis. I happen to catch it by mistake when I'm "surfing" through my 5 snowy channels and it burns off my retinas when I see nekkid flesh for no reason other than complete gratuitous display. "Wooo (lifts shirt, no bra natch), check out my ginormous GG cup boobs...I am sooo hawt." "Wooo...(takes off pants, a teeny thong crawling up a huge crevasse of ass natch)...check out my 50 inch waist and fleshy tree stump legs...let me wrap these around your neck." Wow...za...


Oh the horror, the shame, the scandal!

Rumba

This might just be my favorite picture of him yet. He is very photogenic and has a smile that just lights up the room but this one shows a different side of him. He has this incredible intensity and quiet confidence that I totally love about him. And he's just damn sexy to boot :D

Upside Down On The Big Dip Dipper

I'm pretty certain those are supposed to be dirty lyrics in the song Love Roller Coaster by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers...but I don't give a damn...the whole thing explains the last two weeks anyways (and no I'm not, at present time, getting any sex..perverts).

My moods have swung both sides of the pendulum these past two weeks and I attribute it to two, maybe three things.

One. Steroids are a bitch. They work wonders for inflammed knees but I really think they have fucked with my chemistry and have affected my moods. Normally I have short stints of crabbiness and no good days but for the most part have a relatively stable positive outlook. Not at all happening in recent days.

Two. Serious lack of sleep that I need to get a grip on or I am seriously going to fall apart from exhaustion. Lack of sleep also due to steroids but other issues as well. Also leading to overeating which is making me miserable as well.

Three. I feel like I have zero control over any decisions between now and August due to my internship search/interview/selection. I can't make plans to come home til I know about my interviews. I can't get a passport until I come home and renew/update my drivers license. I can't get a passport and therefore don't know if I'll have problems the next time I go to Canada. I don't know when I'll be able to go to Canada until I know my summer school schedule. I won't have my summer school schedule until April. April is a shitty month leading to May which is yet another shitty month leading into summer. I hope that Rumba's family can meet my family this summer but don't know how/when/if that will happen. At worst internships start in July which gives me zero time off this summer for a road trip with his family to meet my family. And there we are...start of fall 2006 and another school year. Sigh...
And so because of my mood swings, lack of sleep and stress over things I can not control, I'm on a bender. I can't stand school right now and I can't stand reading and working for it. I don't want to do anything but sit here and stare at nothing. And I don't even like doing that because even that gets boring and then I kick myself for not being more productive. So its one big vicious cycle of feeling sorry for myself, getting pissed off and repeat....

And did I mention how fucking lonely the city is right now? 9,000,000 people in the greater Chicago area and you would think I would have a consistent group of friends by now to talk to and do stuff. Its a 2nd year of lonliness for me because when I graduated college, my friends pretty much drifted away and we didn't do much or talk much in my last year in NoDak. I don't make friends easily at all and I never have. People that are friends with me now might find that hard to believe because of my outgoing and outward personality but the truth is, I am much more cynical about people and slow to warm up than is shown. But I've been burned a lot so I think its a useful defense mechanism at this point and ocassionally a personality flaw. Try as I might, I will probably always have that wall up around me. Only a few can crack it. My mother described it to me once because I wasn't entirely aware of it. She said you have this certain air about you that comes across aloof or unapproachable even though you don't mean for it to be that way. And yet when people can crack that core of you, they find the best part and a friend for life. Great...now that I'm aware it doesn't make it any easier.

I think I need to take an Adlerian approach to life though. He doesn't get nearly enough credit but he does make sense. It all comes back to the individual and their choices. Only their choices can promote change.

I just need to decide when I'm going to get off the pity party and back to normal again.