The hunt is on...

Again.

So I'm 4 weeks from my contract at work ending and I have no idea if I'll have a job at the end of it or not.

Which is only slightly nerve-wracking.

Ok maybe a lot.

But really I cant dwell on it too much or I'll drive myself batshit crazy. I just have to go to work everyday and pretend that it isnt going to end in 4 weeks. Continue to do my job as if I'll be there forever.

So I'm quietly looking for another job in the meantime.

Just in case...ya know, it cant hurt. If I get called for an interview between now and then, I may either have a decision to make or an offer...or none of the above and its back to the soup kitchen for me.

Ok not really...we wont be eating soup.

Rice and beans??

More likely than soup.

The other contract that was hired after me...the one I dont get along with....said that she "put it out there in the universe" that she wanted a job and that her "age" she was ready for permanency. As if being older somehow entitles her to a permanent job.

As if being 27 and ready for children isnt reason enough for permanency.

Fuck her.

If I havent made it clear enough to the universe that I've worked my ass off for 13 years so I could have a decent job and make a decent living, then I'm not sure what the hell else I'm supposed to do to make it clear.

I put it out there in the universe in February when I applied for the permanent job at the agency. And that didnt get me very far.

I'm starting to think that either I dont have enough faith in the universe or I've been way too patient for the universe to start going in my direction.

Actually I dont put faith in the universe because I dont believe it works that way. Yeah yeah, think as fucking positive as you want but the honest truth is that if you dont work very goddamn hard then you shouldnt get rewarded no matter how much you think you should or all those so-called positive thoughts you may put out there.

So instead of putting faith into the universe, I put faith in myself.

That my hard work, accomplishments, set-backs, sweat and tears will eventually pay off.

Perhaps it wont be on my timeline (by August 2009 thanks, just in case the universe is reading) or be the perfect job right away (psych associate on the forensic unit at the hospital), but I can live with that.

Honestly I can and I have.

Because I do have enough faith to know and believe in myself.

And enough faith to know that no matter how long it takes to get there...

I will get there on my own accord.