Surrounded by Neuroticism

So I'm a therapist by trade. Which means that I spend most of the day shaking my head, bored out of ever loving mind, and wondering how the hell I can possibly help these people when I dont practice what I preach and can barely take care of myself.

At least that is the stereotype that non-therapists hold about therapists.

I do spend much of the day shaking my head...but not at clients unless they do something really friggin bizarre.

But the mentally ill and addicted do really bizarre things all the time so most of the time its nothing really out of the ordinary.

But it does catch one's attention when its really "special." Like they made an effort to really display how fucked up they are in the head.

No we actually spend most of the time shaking our heads at the system....the system that bogs us down with paperwork, guidelines and laws....the same system of course that we are also entwined into and get paid by eventually. What the system doesn't quite understand is that having my client's file well put together and the paperwork well maintained is that it doesn't usually solve their incredible craving for Percs and booze, or their inability to handle their depression and sexual thoughts.

As for the whole bored thing?

Never. Its literally quite impossible with all of the crap I absorb everyday.

What about the whole practing what I preach/walking the talk bullshit??

Totally fucking TRUE...

Some of the time...

But this is my calling and I accept it. Calling...yeah right.

I have this calling due to my 100k debt from getting myself educated enough so I can shake my head at people, be bored at my job and preach but not walk.

More like a calling from my fucking monthly bank statement...

Fuck. That. Shit.

There are a couple of interesting things about therapists. One is they never "turn off" the fucking therapist.

All damn day even when their on lunch and off the clock, they are "on."

Sitting in the breakroom, when everybody is enjoying their Lean Cuisines and moldy oranges and decaffinated water, they're analyzing...pondering...questioning...commenting. On everybody else's comments, jokes, life stories and what their ingesting that day.

They look at every little comment, nuance, joke, cuss word, fart, sideways look and message in their raspberry flavored green tea leaves and see that somehow, somewhere in that nuance or fart that there is a "problem."

A problem that has to be fixed.

I actually think most people are pretty healthy. Most people have a good family, support system, friends, a job they like, enough money for their wants and needs, enough leisure time...etc etc etc. Most people got their shit figured out.

Of course therapists...they never look at their own problems. Oh no no no..that just wouldnt do.

Unless of course they are those wicked even smaaater therapists that have "done their own work."

Fuck. That. Shit.

Or they think they are immune to the problems their clients are experiencing in their life because they have "all the tools," "all the info," "all the brains."

More like shit for brains...

Worse yet, aside from therapizing their own co-workers when they're trying to enjoy their lunch, they go home and therapize their partners/kids/parents/family dog/neighbor's cat.

Like hellooo.....doing therapy in any capacity with someone you know is against ethical standards...uhhh dual relationship anybody???

So I propose a guidebook...something for therapists...oh how about a code? Thats a pretty word...a code that talks about how one should conduct themselves in a normal social setting that covers the following:

Thou shalt not therapize your co-workers when off the clock...or hell EVER...shut the hell up and mind your own damn business.

Thou shalt not interject your therapeutic analysis into every possible thing. Sometimes shit isnt always that deep.

Thou shalt not speak in therapy terms more than 75% of the time when at work...the other 25% is when you arent interacting with clients or your boss so fucking let loose for once.

Thou shalt not analyze the dog's farts.

Thou shalt not therapize any member of your family, immediate social circle or distance social circle. You may only do therapy with clients. And if you know the poor bastard, because christ-almighty they are really fucked up if they know you on a personal level, do the ethical thing and get them re-assigned.

See the thing is...we all have issues right? I have no doubt that issues exist within the human race and myself. However issues dont necessarily mean "problems." Maybe you crack jokes about your hubby, maybe you have an uncle you dont like very much. Perhaps your mother is overbearing or you think your ass could easily support a platter of assorted cookies. Maybe you have a semi-monthly argument about the recycleing with your husband.

Whatever...the point is, it doesnt mean you have some underlying deep issue going back to your childhood when you didnt learn to wipe your ass properly.

So when I crack a joke...its because I like jokes. And when I make a smart-ass comment...its because I really am a smart ass.

If I ever assume that every person who has issues automatically has "problems..."

I'll probably kick my own ass...


By the way...I think I have the title to my first book...