Rain and Sioux Loss

So it rained all day today. Reason #1 I am crabby.

And the Sioux football team blew the game out their ass...Reason #2 I am crabby.

And the Sioux hockey team...well I don't think they showed up tonight at all...Reason #3 I am crabby.

I'm just crabby...

And so when I get like this I lose sight of everything and get really pessimistic about a lot of stuff. So I guess this will be really random but in the end, it all sort of ties together I imagine. This is cathartic for me because once I get it out, I usually feel better. I am one of those people that really hide a lot of stuff, mostly because I think public display of neuroticism is counter productve and a waste of time and because most people don't understand anyways.

I feel like a slug for sitting all day and doing nothing but work on my paper. No wonder I am overweight, I don't move. I could have gone for a walk in the rain or something but no...I took the easier route and just sat here and stared at my computer screen all day.

I'm seeing Rumba in 17 days and part of me is really excited because I miss him sooo much and the other part of me is dreading it. Mostly because I am not happy with my appearance...sigh..it all comes back to my fat ass. I know he doesn't care, but its my own confidence that holds me back.

I wish we could see each other more often than every 4 months. I really envy those people that see their SO's every day or almost every day. I don't think they really know how lucky they are.

I would like to walk outside after dark and not be afraid of someone attacking me.

I would like to keep my shades open instead of hiding from the masturbating jackass across the way.

I wish I had about 5 feet more space in my apartment.

I miss my family.

I wish my sister would talk honestly to people instead of hide behind lies.

I wish my grandfather never got cancer. I wish he didn't have to feel like shit to feel better.

I'm sick of fire truck sirens.

I wish my boss wasn't a nutcase.

I wish I wasn't a nutcase.