I'm crying. Because I had a really great ending to a conversation with Rumba. And I'm not sure why his I love you tonight hit me as much as it did because it wasn't much different from his other ways of signing off, but it did and I felt it from 600 miles away.
The night is the hardest. I would like to just be able to turn out the lights, roll over, throw my leg over his hips, put my arm around him and find his fingers laced in mine. I never take this seemingly meaningless few seconds for granted when I do get the chance. Hopefully I'll get to see him soon. We're pushing for May at this point when I'm finished with classes. I would love to be up there for a week or longer. Since I don't think the next possibility for a visit will be until August.
We have an exciting and stressful year ahead of us. I'm one year away from a M.A. and we're hoping he will be employed full time this fall. Of course, the teaching world is never a gaurentee but he has had numerous interviews since February so every little chance he gets increases the odds. August is the tentative "meeting of the parents" which is exciting and stressing all wrapped up into a big ol road trip. I do hope it goes well which I'm sure it will and that everybody has fun with it. Immigration madness should be starting too which will be the pinnacle of the stress mountain. I only hope both of us are sane when its all said and done.
You probably wonder why I call him Rumba. Well for anonymity reasons mostly but also because its the name of this stuffed tiger I gave him the first time we met. I bought it the night before his flight home. Rumba has a "home" too in a REA hologram cup that he bought when we went to the hockey game. I don't call him Rumba in person though.
In conversation with others, I usually refer to him as "the CanadiEn" or "my CanadiEn." I'm not sure why, its just sort of habit at this point. Its a term of endearment I say. People get a kick out of it.
Why I spell Canadian, CanadiEn. Because long ago during our first year of talking online, he informed me that the E is more proper because its the French spelling. So to make a point and for emphasis I just started spelling it CanadiEn whenever we talked thereafter. I type and write CanadiEn so much that I don't even notice it and actually correct myself if I spell it with an 'a.'
Nobody knew about Rumba for a year and half except for Emily. She knew pretty much right away about him. Even my ex-boyfriend Andy never knew about him. No particular reason except that I didn't want to have to explain why I was talking to a man I had never met. We were strictly anonymous conversationalists and became friends over time as we revealed more and more about each other. Rumba knew about Andy and was there throughout the relationship and subsequent breakup. I didn't tell Andy because I didn't think he would "get it" and probably get pissed off for no real good reason. I never "cheated" (how can you cheat with a person you've never met?) though. I think I mostly didn't tell anyone because its still a bit of a taboo in NoDak to meet people online even though we met on a completely random messageboard that was totally unrelated to dating. I don't think Rumba ever told anyone about me until he wanted to book his flights to NoDak.
I'll write more about that later. Right now I want to relish in his I love you...and remember that he is always with me in spirit.
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