"I'll let you whip me if I misbehave..."

Yes Im here. Alive and...welll....maybe well. Eh..such is life. But no...I'm not watching you masturbate...some jackbag wanted me to do that...sorry...notintoitthanks.

Anywho....

Its now approaching the end of the calendar year and what have we learned this year kids? Life is a ride, wear knee pads. Yes...knee pads. I still have knee problems when it rains...so you bitches...take care of your knees or you'll be able to predict the average rainfall better than those Ph.D's on Channel 11 (Too Tall Tom...a Doctor???...haaaaaaaaaaaa!)

As for me, I'll be working on my weak ankles when the clock turns to 07.

Lets recap since my last post. Which was depressing.

My grandfather, a brave strong man, and one of the most important people in my life...passed away November 16th, 8 days into his 81st year. It was a very difficult two weeks here at home and before Thanksgiving and it wont be a thrilling Christmas (again...sigh), but I tell ya what....I have an angel on my shoulder watching me everyday until we meet again. He is a good man, gave me everything I have, and he's in a safe place. After a year of struggles and essentially mourning him for a very long time, peace is coming to us all.

Finished my 4th semester of grad school with all A's. Hooray! What a bitch though...again, with everything else outside of school, I am surprised. I worked my ass off though, despite everything and I deserve it. Safe to say, the only time I'm really going to brag it up (because successful people dont need to brag), is now. So there ya go....I'm a genius...haaaaaaaaaaa!! Just kidding.

And with that, I have registered for my FINAL...yes FINAL semester of my graduate education and will be starting January 8th. Final day is April 27th. Countdown to follow soon...

Internship...aah what can I say. Honestly, its been a real test and a wild ride. I really cant talk about it here...confidentiality and the risk involved. Lets just say...its been a learning experience (that was so cliche...)

I'm really blessed with a lot of good friends. Some have been there, some havent recently but they are thought of all the time. I hope to see some of my NoDak friends while I'm home here.

Speaking of...Amtrak is such a bitch. I'm telling ya....only a flying phobia as strong as mine could justify the asshats I've dealt with the last 3 trips home, in 3 months. October---32 hours round trip. November---19 hours round trip. December---13 hours and counting....good goddamn. And guess what....I'll be doing it again in February and March!! Hooraay!! I cant wait. I've made lots of "Train Friends" and used my "Angry Eyes" many a times (shout out to Em--miss ya dear!!). I swear to God I'm the only normal one on that train. I need to start using acid or something....good lord....

I'm super excited beyond words because tomorrow at 10pm my CanadiEn will be arriving in NoDak for 8 days!! Havent seen him since I left him at the Toronto airport August 13th. 4 months is a long damn time to go without him and like everything else, its been a challenge. We dont have much planned really which is how we like it. Christmas in the Magic City, his birthday is the 26th and we might be spending New Years with J. Hans and her hubby EarAche. My dad's birthday is New Years Eve too, so we might do lunch with him. Just lots of quality time together.

And then...we'll likely be on our longest separation yet...5 months. Let the bitching commence January 4th. 5 months folks...thats a long damn time to be without tail. I might need someone to hold my hand and preoccupy me. I'll be twitching by mid-April, just before finals. NOT a good place to be, people...not a good thing at all. Ah well...at least I wont have to shave my legs for awhile. Well..maybe for the firemen.

At some point, I will post something about my train experiences. I've got a few good stories.

And...along with taking care of your knees....lose some weight this year. Or at least get healthy. Dooo it!! It'll be better for you and me later in life.

Hooray I posted an update. I promise to be more faithful to my blog in 07.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Previous readings: Dr. Zhivago by Pasternak, East of Eden by Steinbeck, (LOVED IT) The Ice Man by Carlo, Cracked by Dr. Drew (yes the Doc from Loveline...didnt know he was a substance abuse specialist), Random Family by (cant remember..very good though)

Current Readings: Helter Skelter by Bugliosi Lolita by Nabokov, The Glass Castle by Walls, Anna Karenina (Still..yes!!) by Tolstoy and The Divine Comedy by Dante (yes...Im a masochist...)

(Can you believe I can still read this shit AND my texts? Me neither...yes...I'm a masochist...)

Music: Jackson Browne, Dave, Duke Ellington, SexyBack (dont ask, Im not sure...but "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" lyric of the year!) Miles Davis, Our Lady Peace and that new Josh Turner diddy "Would You Go With Me." I cant wait to two step to that one at our wedding.

NY Resolutions: Lose weight, stop chewing my nails, get an income again, and learn more about my spiritual self. Pretty sure that #2 wont happen...I've been working on that one for 25 years now...

Au Revoir!!

Hey Ya!

Ray M. 1925-2006, Love You Forever

Meh....

Pretty much sums up the last time I posted. Its been a roller coaster of a month. Ready for a break..from life.

School is fine. Just keep on, keepin on and Em would say. After this Wednesday, I think the semester will be pretty much over. Only 5 weeks left now so hooray for that.

Internship is fine. We have four clients now. They keep us on our toes. They have interesting lives and its hard to remember that they are teenagers with big problems. Its been a learning experience for sure. I have more to say, but no desire to write about it right now.

The CanadiEn is fantastic. He's the light in this darkness right now. He'll be coming to NoDak for Christmas this year and staying for 10 days. We are super excited

Went home in the middle of the month to see my grandfather. It was the hardest 5 days of my life. I went from thinking he was in the hospital, to seeing him in the nursing home, to visiting him in ICU, to a regular hospital room. He was moved back to the nursing home 3 days after I left. I know its probably the last time I'll see him alive. It was very hard accepting that before I left...still hard as I write this.

My dad has spent a total of 5 days in Fargo and the rest with my grandparents this last month helping them out and preparing for the inevitable. I talk to him and he's very tired. Its very stressful watching someone you love die. I still havent figured out if sudden death is better, as in the case of my uncle. Or being able to say goodbye but waiting for a phone call. I dont know. I really wish I was there, to be with my dad. But I know I cant. Maybe I could...but its better that I'm here.

Aside from the overwhelming sadness at the prospect of losing my grandfather, I have a lot of anger and resentment towards other family members as well. Once again, they prove that they are more self-centered and ridiculous than ever. My waste of space, fuckwit of an aunt is probably the worst. Because she actually lives in the same town as my grandparents. Does she do anything? Of course not...that would be unselfish and god forbid she think beyond herself.

Seeing him has changed my perspective on a lot of things, especially my own health. I've taken steps to better take care of myself. Working on that whole sleep thing...its been hard to sleep lately.

As a result, I've been extremely irritable and up and down all month. Another reason I havent updated this hog in awhile...just dont really care about much of anything. My studies have slackened and my motivation for this semester is pretty much gone. It has been a struggle to do basic things like an oral presentation. I am not an easy person to get along with these days and sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I've self-diagnosed myself with a mild depressive episode. I'm sure it will pass soon. When its all over...who knows. Fake it til you make it I suppose.

Only 20 weeks left of school...yay.

I feel very alone...

Paralysis.....

He leads a clean life...

Not one smoke in his entire 81 years...

Fucking cancer...

Tumors ravaging his once-strong body....

Have now taken over his spine...

And leaves him unable to walk.

Paralysis

Much like my heart is feeling right now...

To all you FUCKWITS, JACKBAGS and ASSHATS that continue to poison your body with cigarettes and tobacco...

I dont wish lung cancer on anybody...

He never smoked....

And life isnt fair...

But I hope you get a goddamn clue...

Before its too late.

Its Been Awhile Eh?

So here I am...I didnt fall off the planet though it sure feels like its kicked my ass lately. A quick recap...

Early August...Canada and all the glory that is being with my CanadiEn.

Middle August...started internship..hooray for no life.

End August...moved out of the City into a quaint lil burb. Fantastic.

In the meantime I also went to the Chicago Jazz fest. Awesome music, unbelievable artists. It was a great time. After the Jazz fest I went to Buddy Guy Legends...also a great place. Eric Clapton has performed there...and several other famous Blue's artists. Loved it...but not as much as jazz.

September...started school. Taking 4 classes on Wednesday and doing my practicum 4 days a week. With the commute I dont get home until 930pm every night. By the end of Wednesdays I'm totally shot, physically and mentally. Practicum isnt too bad thus far. I'm learning a lot and really enjoying it. At some point I'll make a post about equine therapy. But not for now....

Lots going on at home, dont really care to discuss it here. Same old color of the shit, different day.

The CanadiEn and I are currently discussing weddings, civil ceremonys, impending marriage and immigration. It a continuous discussion every day as we hammer this out. Its a really complicated situation which is expected but it will work out. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything.

I've looked at this thing many times in the last month but just havent felt the urge to post. Especially recently when all my life consists of is internship, classes and the CanadiEn. Even this post is taking a lot of energy...

Hope ya'll are well out there in blogger land...sorry I havent been around. Take care.

K. Hope 9 Months

Look at my big blue eyes!!! And my red hair!!! I look just like my Daddy!!!
Baby arms and cheeks are the best!
R. Cade and K. Hope--yay!!!

The most stylish baby ever!!!

K. Hope is 9 months old now and doing great. She wont have another surgery until she is about 3 years old. She's a very happy and very normal baby!! Yay!!

I Want to Go Home...

Well well, I've had two weeks of craziness and travels but it was...

Fantastic.

The parents met...and it went very well. They got along great, conversation flowed, laughs were had and overall a great time. Woo hoooo!

And then I went home with Rumba to Canada for the next week. This was very last minute because I booked my US return flight the night before they arrived in Chicago. But I'm glad I went because the previous days with the parents went way too quickly.

Spent some quality time with Rumba and his family. I love it up there. I always have a great time and I always feel so welcome.

Lots and lots of discussions about immigration, engagements and moving there in May. His family is pretty well aware of our intentions so it was fun to discuss with them.

It just feels like "home" with him. Like I belong up there with him. Thats a good feeling to have.

Also went looking at rings while I was there at his request. He wanted some very general ideas but I didnt pick out a specific ring. He wants it to be a surprise so I didnt pick out anything. So we'll see...hehe...

Now Im back in Chicago and have to pack up my apartment. The big move to the burbs is next Thursday. I have no idea where Im going to put my boxes in this place...huge sigh. I hate packing and moving.

School starts in exactly 2 weeks. I'm telling ya...I dont know where the time goes...

Three Semesters Down...

Two to go.

Holy...

SHIT!!!

Time is flyin by folks, I cant hardly believe I've been in Chicago for a year now. Its very surreal to think that I only have 9 months left of grad school.

When you apply for schools and wait patiently for acceptance, it seems like 2 or 3 years will take forever and ever. I really started to wonder if I wanted to take these two years and accumulate an ass-load of debt just for a few more letters behind my name. But then the time arrives and it just zooms past.

And then I realized that those few more letters behind my name will actually mean something. A very real accomplishment. Something that will pay off.

I think I'm one of the only persons in my family that will have a degree beyond college. I have a few cousins that are doing med school or more training in that area. But my immediate family, I'm the only one as of right now. I was also the first to graduate college from my mothers side. Crazy shit man.

I can't wait to get there next April with my M.A.

The summer semester went really quick. My group counseling class was great, probably one of the best classes I've taken. The other two were a bit of a waste of time. I'll have to take time to learn and re-learn some of the material on my own. I expect high grades for all the classes though.

In other news, the visit is on Tuesday!! I'm super excited about it. His mom also mentioned coming back with them for a few days before coming back to Chicago. I might do that if it works out. It would be nice to have a little vacation before I start internship and moving at the end of the month.

And I want to wish a Happy 1st Birthday to Miss Emily! I can't believe what a big girl she is these days!!

Plans for the weekend include some cleanup, and trying to stay busy so I dont go crazy. Not really sure what is on the agenda but I hope its fun!!

Later gators

Narcissism

The Greek myth about the man named Narcissus who rejected Echo and then fell in love with his own reflection. Because he couldn't consumate with his reflection, he withered away and turned into a flower...the narcissus.

Makes for a clever myth..

Story...

Tale...

Fable...

Lesson....

But it is the most painful thing to actually experience this from another person.

Especially if that person is a central figure in your life within your family.

Its really bad when you're sitting in your pathologies class and the light goes on...

THATS what she is eh??

Holy shit...

But having that sort of...epiphany if you will..isnt very comforting.

It doesnt change anything about that person, it doesnt change who they are.

Or how they make you feel.

Or the family feud that has resulted because of it.

4 years now. 4 years of feuding.

Its not the first feud either. The first one was back in 1995 and last for almost 2 years. That ended when a natural disaster temporarily brought everybody together. Amazing what a flood will do. It was bad...and good all at once.

That sort of thing teaches you life lessons. I was only a freshman in high school when my house was flooded and my life was uprooted for the summer. I didnt get to drive until the next year...which as a 15 year old was a freakin tragedy. I didnt get to have a fun summer...I was helping rebuild and living in a motor home in my front yard.

But it did change me..and for the better. Like that sort of thing is supposed to do.

And for a brief moment, the feud was over. Everybody was getting along.

And then he died. Suddenly and without warning. December 21, 1998.

Heart attack. His third. The one they said would kill him.

Christmas was hell.

The funeral was December 26th. Hell. No Joyeux Noel that year.

He's the one that ended the feud. Not with his death but with his heart.

He was the one that brought me 2 lbs of M & M's on my birthday every year, because they are my favorite. I think thats why I'll never give up eating M & M's...ever.

He was the one that took us in the slough with the 3-wheelers and told not to tell Grandma.

He was the one that made everybody laugh out loud. His own laugh was infectious.

He always had a story to tell.

He taught me how to make homemade sausage, play the Farming Game and shoot off bottle rockets on the Fourth of July.

And when the pigs got out, he was there to sit in the grass and laugh his ass off while the rest of us rode them back into the pen.

He was my favorite uncle. He was only 49 when he died.

Suddenly the feuds of the past didnt matter anymore. We came together again for my widowed aunt who was suddenly very lost in the world. And for a long time it seemed as though, they had finally realized what was important..and wouldnt feud anymore.

And then she started having problems.

He wasnt there to make sure she stayed "balanced."

And in one surgeons mistaken cut...her life changed forever.

So did ours.

At first it was just the cut...the injury...the hole in her shoulder and the inability to lift her arm that held her back.

Then she sued. And lost it all.

But she didnt stop. Pretty soon, her whole body was falling apart.

Or so she says. We really dont know. She's been "unbalanced" for a long time.

Then she started taking all her problems out on everybody else. Instead of listening to the support we were giving her...she was pushing away. And then calling us assholes because we let her be in her own misery.

Its all about the money. Its always been about money.

She can be/was a very good person with a big heart. One that would do anything for you.

But in the end, even that came with a price tag.

2002. One simple yet firm email from my mother.

The feud started all over again. Not by my mother...but by my aunts own reaction to that very simple, yet firm email.

And this time the Narcissist brought in everybody against her.

Extended family. Once neutrals and uninvolved...now people sucked in by the Narcissist.

And the hateful, spiteful emails. Full of lies and bullshit about my mother, my father, my grandparents and others. Pages and pages of lies and rambling and preaching.

It could fill a coffee table book.

Oh and she's going to die anyday now. Just so you know...she's been dying for 5 years now.

Her predictions of death have always been the same...December 21st.

So pity her and pity her some more. Listen to her tantrums and her lies.

4 years raging this feud. And it wont end. My mother wont budge and rightfully so.

The Narcissist has done herself in this time.

She'll die a lonely old woman.

Any good memories I have of her are totally gone now. She's ruined that for me too.

My mother has made small sacrifices in the name of my grandfather because of his cancer fight.

But she doesnt do it for the Narcissist or herself. Just him.

You'd think his fight would somehow fix the situation, much like the Flood did in the past.

But not this time. In fact it only fuels her more.

The others are coming around now. But not to my mother. They have the Narcissist figured out finally. They know her game. But its too late. The damage has been done.

Even though they know the game, they dont understand. They're still victims of it despite knowing her game.

She's going blind. Had "emergency surgery" to fix that. But can still send out pages of emails.

Now she cant hear.

Nothing worse than a Narcissistic Hypochondriac with Manic Tendencies.

And I think she's really losing her mind now. She's always been "unbalanced", but I think she's on a full psychotic break.

If you dont understand mental illness, it doesnt make you immune from its effects. Direct or indirect. Ignorance is not bliss in this case.

This type of mental illnesses she manifests are some of the most painful type to be on the receiving end. Its like you having a trait of loyalty, friendliness or intelligence. Its like you being hard-working, independent and strong. Now take those away and describe yourself as grandiose, self-loving and all-important. Describe yourself as money-hungry, self-centered, delusional and manic.

Thats what its like. Its ingrained in her. Its a personality trait with her. Its not a passing phase or a result of unresolved grief from her husband's sudden death. Its not anger at being permanently injured by a shitty doctor.

Some mental illnesses can be fixed or alleviated...through therapy, counseling or pills. Many people live "normal" lives with mental illness. Thats the mystery of the human mind.

She will never be fixed or alleviated. No amount of pills will fix her. No amount of therapy will change her. The mystery of her mind is unfathomable.

Knowing this doesnt help me. It only makes me aware.

It doesnt make me anything more than angry.

For what has happened and what she has done.

For what has been lost.

Maybe some day I'll come to terms with it.

Probably after her death...

Hot Town, Summer in the City....

Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty....

If you live in the lower 48, you know how freaking hot it is right now. So no need to discuss...if you dont know, then you need to get out of bed.

Stay cool out there folks.

My Juvenile offender class was canceled today. Glad I took that class this summer...as I've learned nothing...fantastic waste of money.

So I spent the day slacking off..something I'm very good at doing. The CanadiEn and I discovered this slick online chat thing called Skype. We can verbally talk now without it costing us money. So I went down to CompUSA (my favorite store...EVER...notsomuch) and bought myself a headset with a microphone.

Yes, we're nerds.

But our long-distance bills will be virtually eliminated now...so woo hoo!!

He also said that the headphones will come in handy when he gets me addicted to WoW (World of Warcraft for the mortals in the room). Its quite likely this will happen considering I wont be able to work in The True North until I get my visa approved. I mean what the hell else am I going to do for 2 years??

The Red Line stunk the big one today. When its hot, people stink more. I was standing near these two hard laborers...ewww...good god it was disgusting. I still have that train smell on me. The underground is also hotter than hell and the stench is worse.

Windchill>>>>>>>>>>Heat Index.

I like summer and all, but this crap is getting ridiculous. I much prefer winter and snow and cold. I dont complain about it nearly as much.

Did you know its National Ice Cream day? Even without knowing that, I went and indulged on some ice cream. I bought a thing of Breyers Light Double Churned Cookies and Cream...mmmm ice cream. Going light of course so I dont totally sabotage my diet. I havent bought ice cream in a long long time.

The heat didnt stop the tourists either. They were out in full force. They love that American Girl store. Its like a small cult going in and out of there. I went in once. But since I dont have a small, spoiled child clinging to my leg, I felt out of place and had no idea what the hell was going on. So I left. Not to mention I never read those books when I was a kid so therefore, the appeal wasnt there. But did you know you can get a doll in your likeness? The people will fix hair and dress the doll just like you!!

Oh my god.

No thanks.

Its getting exciting in here now. My snowy tv is shorting out because of the storm outside.

The lights are flickering a bit too.

But the suburbs get all the fun stuff. Hail, winds, lots of rain.

The CanadiEn was without hydro (CanandiEn electricity for the mortals) for most of the day today as his town got one helluva storm. Downed trees, crazy rain....he didnt get it back until 1030pm his time.

I added links to my sidebar, now that I figured it out.

I want to see M Night Shalamalamdingdongs new movie...Lady in the Water. His movies are so hit and miss.

The Village-disappointing, almost shitty. Sixth Sense-Uber good.
Unbreakable-Extra shitty with a side of ass. Signs--good but not on the uber level.
That mastercard thing..oh wait, thats not a movie?? Well, its still weird..

Did you know that coloring is very therapeutic? Its why we use it calm children down when they get a bit wild. Well I have two coloring books and a big box of 64 crayons. Finding Nemo and Disney Princess. I use them to help me relax my mind before sleep or to calm down a hectic day.

Its so hard to find a good coloring books. They are usually full of crappy games or puzzles, stickers and shit.

Just give me something to fill in between the lines.

Craig Ferguson has a crappy Scottish comedian on right now. Sigh...well at least its better than fiddlefucking David Lee Roth (see previous rant).

Only 14 days to go until the road trip. Sweet lord....

I missed the Mets/Cubs game which I intended to go to last night. I guess the Mets kicked major ass anyways...two grand slams in one inning...nice work Cubbies, nice work.

Maybe I'll go to the Houston series.

Coop-a-Loop is coming to visit me in August. So is Schillerin and Nelle at around the same time.

That should be highly entertaining.

3 women, 1 dude (he's small in stature though so that helps--yay for Asian genes)

In my 240 sq foot space.

I cant wait.

Signature Drinks, Signature View, Signature Look Baby!!!

Fantastic Mexican meal including two margaritas--$50 bucks
Two long islands and a Skyline View--$40 bucks
Rumba-$10 cover, $20 Grey Goose/Cranberry
Sangria by the Pitcher--$65 bucks
Looking sexaaay and having fun with your girlfriends--Priceless

The Southern Belle and Tiger


Well holy hell it was an expensive ass Friday evening here in Chi-Town. It was super fun though. The meal was one of the best meals I've ever eaten...this stuff was no Paradiso or Chi-Chi's. It was faaabulous. I also decided that I dont care for margaritas much. Icky...

Then we went onto the Signature Room at the Hancock Tower. 96th floor of the building...fantastic night view of the skyline. The drinks were excellent but a bit on the spendy side. A couple in front of us got engaged...it was very sweet. Highly recommended place..will probably go back before I leave Chicago for good.

Tiger and WiscoJen



WiscoJen, The Brown-Eyed Girl, PsyDCent & GucciBaby


Rumba was interesting. It was fun, but interesting. At that point, I was feeling pretty good. The music was awesome, but I didnt dance. It was a little intimidating as all these people were going crazy on the dance floor. The Southern Belle ordered a pitcher of sangria without asking the price....and 65 bucks later, we soo didnt need that pitcher of sangria. I was already drunk and didnt want to drink anymore. But holy shit...so we drank it up and left around 2am.

It was a fun night...good thing I dont do these things all the time or I'd be broke..I think I'm well on my way there actually...holy...

Gimme A Taste....

I totally forgot to tell about my Taste of Chicago experience. Which should tell you how un-wonderful it was for me. I mean it was just a bunch of food stands and millions of people pushing and shoving around.

Dont get me wrong...

I luuuuurrrrvvvve me some food.

But this whole weight watchers thing I've been trying to do for oh...3 months now...is totally cramping my style.

So spending 15 dollars on 22 food tickets which I didnt use all just isnt my idea of a grand ol time.

Did I mention I dislike large crowds of people?

Not that I hate crowds...it just gets ridiculous at times.

However, I did try "fried ravioli." Which was just deep friend ravioli...

Mmmm I can feel my arteries hardening as I type this...

Anyhoo, it was fabulous. I love ravioli.

And then I had a 'taste' of peiroiges. Thats a damn hard word to spell and no I wont google it to fix it...

Fine.

Pierogies.

Rumba loves those things so I had to give the real deal a whirl. I'm a sap like that.

Also fabulous.

And then we purused the crowds for something sweet. Mmm cheesecake, ice cream and chocolate covered strawberries.

But alas, those were the longest lines. No wonder America is the fattest nation in the world.

So I didnt contribute to my own obesity by standing in line, but I did suggest Cold Stone Creamery to my friend. Sweet moses thats some good shit. My ass cant get any bigger can it?

Probably.

So we left. And didnt get to CSC because the #3 bus took for-damn-ever and we were slotted to see Pirates of the Caribbean in 20 minutes. Soooo...

Hello Johnny, you're HOT.

Other than Taste, its been a slow week.

Well maybe not. I had a group therapy presentation on Tuesday. The Southern Belle and I had to lead a group session too. Cognitive-behavioral therapy on stress management.

Go Skinner Go!! What a badass...

So that went well. Today was Brown-Eyed Girls birthday so a bunch of classmates went to the Cheesecake Factory for some kibbles and bits....and grits....

Amazing food. Holy hell...

And the cheesecake...delicious. I had the Godiva Chocolate. Mmmmmm food....

All I do is eat I swear to jeebus.

And those two strong-ass long island teas kicked me square in the liver.

So we went to career counseling (worst class of my entire schooling career---I've been in school for almost 18 years...thats pretty bad) and I had the giggles somethin fierce from the booze.

The Brown Eyed Girl said she could smell the booze...either on me or the Southern Belle.

Thats what we're here for, to drink and drink and drink....

Oh dear...at least I was amused which is all that matters. Not an easy task in that class.

And this birthday is turning into an extravaganza. She went to Grant Park after class for Summerdance--they taught Zydeco tonight.

Interesting...and then they went for Karaoke. I dont know how to spell that word either.

Fine.

Oh wait..thats actually right.

I was goin to go for karaoke but decided to stay home.

Because tomorrow is WW day and of course I'm going to either stay the same or gain again...as if I'll ever lose 5 freakin pounds.

I suck at life.

Well ok so I dont. But tomorrow is also part deux of the birthday festivities wherein we will get all lollied up and go to the Signature Room (www.signatureroom.com) for a drink and then Latin Dancing. Fantastic!!

I dont know how to latin dance.

But...I'm gonna look daaaamn sexxaay in my cocktail dress.

And if any of those latin lovers feels me up...its all over.

I'm happily attached but thanks for playing...

And if you dont like my new song....

May hellfire rain upon you...

Fire in the El Subway....

The outbound Blue line train derailed tonight and there was a huge fire. Right now they are saying that the brakes failed and it derailed as a result. The dragging train car ignited or smoked up. The train was undergound at this point so everybody had to file out in the dark, to the emergency hatches that are rarely used, covered in dust, cobwebs and debris....

Scary eh? Thank goodness I dont ride the trains very much. I'll be riding the Metra quite often in the next coming months and those sometimes derail. Ahh commuter life. So exciting!

Not much else to update. Counting down the days til Rumba gets here, til I move, til I get my degree, til I can go to Canada.....I'm getting impatient.

School is fine...winding down for the summer, will have a month off soon. Uber-frustrated at the department right now but whatcha gonna do, right? Oh well...

Who else was totally psyched about my A-Ha video? Come on now, you can tell me!!! That was a bitchin video back in the 80's. And Rob Thomas...oh what an angry hottie...k ya'll that song "Push" is 10 years old. I was a freshman in high school when it came out on the radio....daaaaaamn Im OLD!!!!!!

Rumba moved into his new place last night. He says there is room for me!! Yay!!


And I'm off...have some reading to do.

Randomness

Sometimes I need to exercise more tact. But I think honesty is the best policy. But I could use more tact at times.

Its hard to have a semi-serious conversation without being able to see the other person. There is definitely a truth to non-verbal communication.

Dang my psych profs are right! Always observe the non-verbals...take in the non-verbals...what are the non-verbals saying??

I really really really really miss Rumba right now. I really really really really cant wait until we're local. That will be at the end of May. Woo hooo!!

I say things I dont mean at times mostly because I speak before I think. This is bad. Must. Stop. Now.

I signed my new lease today. Woo hoo, suburbia here I come. Screw you City, I dont need you anymore!!

Tomorrow I am going to Taste of Chicago...mmm food and music.

Oh and Pirates of the Caribbean will be viewed therafter. Yesssssss.....

I went dancing last night. In my new sexy shoes. They're kinda like the shoes worn in Dirty Dancing. Really high heels and a nice form.

But they hurt..

Like a sonofagun..

Goobersmooch.

Which is the same as "snotkiss."

Yum!

Its really late and I want to get up tomorrow and go shopping at Victoria's Secret. Thats a bad store for me. I could easily spend a couple hundred bucks on silky, lacey things and underwear. Its bad...bad bad bad.

But oh so good.

But bad...for the budget.

Only 24 more days until the big parental meet-up. I need to nickname it somehow but I havent figured it out yet. Its not like the Dave Matthews Band Bitchin Road Trip because there is no band and I dont think Rumba and I are groupies. And Meet the Fockers is just too freakin cliche...

Well shit...

Today this homeless man got in my face with his cup and shouted Happy Friday!!! Dude, you havent eaten in a few days, you sleep on concrete and you're cracked out...how is this happy for you?? And no kidding, I could still hear him 3 blocks away. No joke. I'm sure the suburbia commuters running to the OTC just LOVED mowing this guy over because he wouldnt get out of the way.

I dont mind the homeless...hey they're like entrepreneurs...they gotta try right? I feel really bad for them because most people just ignore them. Its really hard to ignore their plight. But dont get in my face like that...that makes me defensive and paranoid. Almost like how they are when they havent had a line of crack in a few days.

I saw this woman today with the brightest head of hair EVER. I saw her leave the CVS and storm down the Madison bridge with a mission man. A mission. I hope it was to find some Dawn to tone down her hair color.

The Southern Belle is having a dating conundrum right now. Thats right. I just wanted to use conundrum in a sentence.

I think they sprayed for roaches the other day...at least I hope I emptied out my cupboards for a purpose. But I havent seen nairy a bug in here since I've moved in. Fantastic, we're roach free!! Woot.

Everybody says they see rats in the city. I see the flying ones...the damn dive-bombing pigeons..but not the furry kind. I think they see them in alleys. Which I dont walk down alleys...umm hello, can we say attack?? Douche.

The President was in town today. I didnt see him. Thats ok though. I didnt vote for him.

The Sioux are in serious doo-doo with Parise leaving the team...sigh....

And I'm spent...

Open Rant to My Family...

I just ranted and deleted the post. Rants about my grandfather and uncle and the way their petty bullshit is like a goddamn cancer spreading throught the family.

Rants about my other grandfather.

Said goodbye to my great aunt V who just passed away. Bless her soul, and screw her family to hell for not giving her a proper funeral.

Rants about my sister...

I dont feel any better about this....

My face is wet from tears that I've been cryin non-stop for the last 2 hours as I have written and deleted all this...

I wanted to publish it, but somehow it seemed like it was a bit too much information to be out there for any average asshole to read...not that I know many average assholes that would be inclined to read this thing....I'm sure there aren't many...but even my good friends dont have to be subjected to this crap.

Can I just fly away....I dont care where my wings take me...

So long as its far away from here...

And there...

And from them.

I would just like to send a big fucking hallmark card that says get a clue assholes...but i dont...hallmark doesnt make cards like that.

They make cards for special things, like birthday and holidays. And its all sunshine and daisies and cute bunnies in Hallmarks world. Even the So Sorry For Your Loss cards are crap.

So a Hallmark card would do shit and not make me feel any better.

And it wouldnt send the clue I wanted.

I think I care too much.

About stuff that needs worrying

But not this much pain.

Well maybe it does.

I dont know...

They say God doesnt give us more than we can handle.

Well ya know what

God?

I'm kinda tired of everything right now.

You've hit us from all sides this year.

Could you send us a few of those replacement angels, because I think they originals are out smoking again.

My head hurts.

A lot.

Happy Independence Day!!!

Photo from the SunTimes
Happy 4th of July everybody!! Hope you are enjoy the holiday and remember our men and women all around the world fighting for and preserving our freedoms!!

The annual Chicago fireworks show was on the 3rd at 930pm. It was over Navy Pier on the Lakefront, so a few of my classmates and I parked our butts at the Adler Planetarium for the day. We had a tent, snacks and homemade sangria. It was a really nice afternoon and we just hung out and waited for the show.

A couple was married at the Adler today in an outdoor ceremony. It was VERY upscale and forma. Everybody had suits and fancy cocktail dresses. And there were no children other than the flower girl. It seemed very impersonal to me with all the people that were down there waiting for the fireworks show. Oh and their music selection was the ODDEST selection I have ever heard. It sounded like the Cure at one point and then there was some reggae...this was before the Bride came out. Then she was ready to come out and they had a recording of the Bridal March which went to hell and didnt work. So they came up with quick thinking and she walked out to....The Star Wars Theme!!! Oh my gaaawd....I would have been sooooo pissed off. She handled it gracefully though, but it was a very strange and very short ceremony. It was also really humid today...yet another reason I dont want a summer wedding...

It was a great fireworks show, probably the best I've seen other than the New Years Eve fireworks I witnessed at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. What was really cool is that the skyline is sort of panoramic at the Adler so I could see the entire skyline from where we were sitting. The other really cool part was all the boats on the water. After the sun went down, the skyline was lit up and it seemed like the entire lake was covered in lights from all the boats. All in all, a good 4th of July celebration.

And now...The Star Spangled Banner...

Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Happy Canada Day!!!!

O Canada! Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!

Ô Canada! Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

The Dave Matthews Band Bitchin Road Trip 2006

So we didn't really drive 10 hours like we have in the past but I still had to take the Amtrak to Milwaukee and rent a car...and we STILL have to drive 37 minutes (37 glorious, wonderful, faaabulous minutes) to Alpine Valley..SO its still a road trip. We're minus one roadie this year as J Hans didnt make the trek across Wisconsin (really, who can blame her) and so its EmmyLou and I in all our glory.

We went to Summerfest last night. Lots of music, good bands (think, Tom Petty, Pearl Jam, Foreigner, Lynard Skynard, Los Lonely Boys, plus a buncha others), foooood, and walking around. We saw Lynard Skynard...well ok so we didnt SEE them persay but we did HEAR them...and they sang Free Bird (duh), but now thats off the list of things to do before I die..

So.

Today is Saturday June 1st 2006 and we will be traveling to the Music Mecca's of all Music Mecca's to listen to the greatest live show in existence. We are sooo excited!!!!

Yeah Dave!!!

Bad Ass Piano

Yesterday afternoon I went to Millenium Park to watch the Monster Piano Concert. It was free and outdoors so why not right? It was AMAZING!!! They had 10 Steinway grand pianos and 30 musicians. They had 2 people to a piano, and for a few tunes they had 3 people to a piano or all 30 out there at once. They played some really great tunes like Ride of the Valkyries, 1812 Overture, Hoe-Down from Rodeo, Carmen, William Tell Overture and The Stars and Stripes Forever. I have NEVER seen anything like that before and it was really really neat. Amazing musicians from Northwestern University...hello Prodigies...hello I want to drool on myself...sigh. Unbelievable.

In other news, I went out last night with Ashley one last time as she was in town for the weekend picking up her stuff from her apartment. We had a grand old time at a few bars last night, dancing and such. We went to this bar called Shenanigans. Really loud in there, but after a few drinks we didnt notice. There were two guys there that I swear had been drinking since noon. And they wouldnt leave us alone!!! They kept grinding up on us from behind and touching us. Ashley got her boobs felt up; her boyfriend almost punched the guy. We physically pushed them away from us and I put my fist in the one guys face to warn him off. Nothing..nada...didnt get it at all. Then another guy wanted to dance so I'm like ok fine. So we danced and he did the SAME thing!!! Ok guys, I 'll dance with you but I wont grind with someone that isnt my boyfriend. I'll dance with you if you ask politely and not just start grinding up on me, thinking I'll respond. I'm not a club slore, so if other girls are doing it, dont assume I will. And that guy also tried to kiss me and I moved my face so he got my cheek. Goddaaaaaaaaaamn, I just want to go out, have a good time with my girlfriends and not get felt up. Seriously, guys have no clue how to treat women these days. Treat me like a lady damnit and if you're lucky (which none of them ever will be since I'm attached) you'll be treated like a king from me.

End rant.

I did drunk blog, but I took it down. Not sure why. It was funny, at least to me. Oh and Liz, loved the Four Play joke!! haaaaa, I would have totally lost it!!

My knee is swelling up again. I fell on it when I was home in May again (god I know ok...I'm a klutz) and now its feeling all weird again. Huge sigh. I hate having a dysfunctional knee. I'm pretty sure it'll never be the same again.

School is picking up now with more papers and projects and such. Which is good because I was getting bored for awhile. I know, Im weird eh? Some people enjoy a slow pace...not me, I thrive on stress I think.

The Dave Matthews Band concert is on Saturday!! Woooooooooooo!! I'll be on the Amtrak to Miller Town to stay with EmmyLou and whoop it up. This is like the highlight of my summer usually. This year its tied with the rents meeting in August. But aaahh Dave...how you thrill me so. Spring sweet rhythm in my head....

The concert yesterday only fuels my desire to have a keyboard. I really want a piano but thats not practical until I get a house with a piano room. Yes I'm having a piano room. It will be massive and octagonal with floor-to-ceiling windows, wood flooring and rich colors. And it will double as a library where I can put all my books and such. But I want a keyboard now!! I miss playing a lot.

Congrats to Miss Emily for taking her first steps! How exciting!!! I cant wait to have babies....

Did He Just Say What I Thought He Said???

My professor said "teet" in conversation today. Regarding careers. "Teet." Honestly, I'm not even sure where he came in with this because as soon as I walk into this class, my brain shuts down and my ears close and I dont give a damn about his lecture. Did you know that children's chins are underdeveloped at birth because its easier to suckle and "latch on" to the breast? Ok, I dont have a problem with that statement, I can handle someone discussing boobies and suckling, but what I dont really get is WHY THIS IS RELATED TO CAREER COUNSELING???? And then...THEN, he goes on to say something about "the teet" and the whole class lost it. And we werent even listening until TEET came out of his mouth.

Hello, am I a cow?? That has got to be the most un-PC, old-fashioned name for a breast, boobie, can-cans, ta-ta's, titty or nipple ever. I grew up around farming folks as 3/4 of my family are farmers and only heard TEET being referred to the cow or the pig or the female mama kitty. Never referred to about a mother and her child and breastfeeding. The child does not latch onto a teet, he/she latches onto a breast. A breast. Not a teet.

Never did answer my original question though. How does this relate to careers??

Ok, so I just had to get that out. It was highly amusing and completely ridiculous and stupid at the same time. I think that psych people can and sometimes do have the most interesting conversations/lessons but this one really just blew me away.

And by the way...where did June go? Holy shit, didn't we just start summer??? Man...

One Word

1. Yourself:
Loyal

2. Your Lover:
Sexy

3. Your Hair:
Ridiculous

4. Your Mother:
Friend

5. Your Father:
Rock

6. Your Favorite Item:
Joey

7. Your Dream Last Night:
None

8. Your Favorite Drink:
Wine

9. Your Dream Home
Cozy

10. The Room You Are In:
Studio

11. Your Pet:
Gizmo

12. Who You Are Now:
Adult

13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years:
Mom

14. What You Want in Ten Years:
Contentment

15. What You're Not:
Close-minded

16. Your Best Friend:
Em

17. One of Your Wishlist Items:
Peace

18. Your Gender:
Female

19. The Last Thing You Did:
Read

20. What You Are Wearing:
Blue

21. Your Favorite Weather:
Winter

22. Your Favorite Book:
Psych

23. The Last Thing You Ate:
Broccoli

24. Your Life:
Wild

25. Your Mood:
Unsettled

Tiger: International Woman of Mystery

Got my passport today. Woot! Will make travel between the Great North and the States much easier now. Which is what will continue to transpire for at least a little while longer.

Rumba accepted a job offer today in North Bay Ontario. Its a really good opportunity for him to get his feet wet and get an income. Its a computer tech job in the school district with a really good wage. I am slightly disappointed that he isnt moving here right now, but I am also very proud of him and happy that he is employed now. He's excited and starts Wednesday. We talked about it and we're not closing the discussion of him moving to the States. December is when we have agreed that we will really decide where we are going and where we want to get started. There are upsides to him staying there and getting employed which is what I'm looking at right now.

The apartment search is on. I'm getting help from Kristin and her parents on it, but its still frustrating. I'm pretty limited because of my lack of wheels which means I'll pay more than I would if I had a car. Location matters and prices go up because of it!! Boo hiss!!

School is busy right now. I'm taking three classes, four days a week. Its not so bad, just a lot of reading as always. Its also very boring for the most part. Its stuff I dont want to take and only need for licensure. Two classes I'll use for sure, even though one of those two still suck. The third is a complete waste of my time and money as is the professor. Probably the worst professor/class I've ever had to endure...and I've had some doozies.

I went to BluesFest at Grant Park on Friday with the Southern Belle. It was really fun, but it was also really shitty weather. Cold and rainy at times. The music was good though and I'm glad we went down there. We left the Fest and walked to a few bars. Had some appetizers and a few beers. Ended up staying out til 4am which didnt seem that late until I got into the cab to come home.

Well thats about it. Looking forward to August when I can see Rumba again. After that, it could be awhile before we see each other.

Take care

Weird...

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Siren

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Siren

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

Rouge Red

You Are Rouge Red

Of all the reds, you are the most energetic and vibrant. You never need to recharge, and in fact, you often recharge others. Gutsy and brave, you've never let your fears stop you from doing anything. You figure that life is all about experiences, and you'll always take that leap of faith.

What Color Red Are You?

Hopeless Romantic

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

K. Hope Is Home!!!

Bluegrass Jump

So last night as I was ready for bed, I turned on Craig Ferguson to see who his musical act was for the evening. It was David Lee Roth (front man for Van Halen until 1985) and he was singing "Jump." In Bluegrass. Yes. Blue. Grass. Fiddles, and banjos and shit. Blue. Grass.

Ok need I stress anymore how completely assinine this display of attempted "re-invention" really is and how completely disturbing the fiasco/performance was to watch? It was really sad to watch him clap his hands and stomp his feet in tune to FIDDLES for fucks sake with his short, old man hair, striped "I'm legit" shirt and very loose jeans (must have Spandex balls). "Jump" was Van Halen's 1st and greatest commercial success.

I dont feel the least bit sorry for Mr. Roth about his inferiority complex/competition with Sammy Hagar. It makes me cringe that one of the greatest guitar riffs was reduced to banjo-fucking-plucking and if Eddie Van Halen is sober right now, I hope to fuck he throws his Jim Bean bottle at David's oddly shaped head.

My entire early childhood was defined by that song. My parents bought the vinyl (yes vinyl) just for me so I could dance to it. My aunt and I would sit in my uncle's S-10 pickup and play the cassette over and over again. That song was undoubtedly my favorite and it was castrated in all its glory last night...to fucking FIDDLES!!!

Oh the HUMANITY!!!!